Ali's Conscious Stream...

Yummy Sweet Potato Muffins!

2012-01-07T21:44:00.003-06:00

Sweet Potato Muffins from Runners World Magazine

2½ C whole wheat (or I use brown rice) flour
¾ C sugar (or I use agave nectar)
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp ground ginger
¼ tsp baking soda
¼ tsp salt
¼ C melted unsalted butter
¼ C vegetable oil
1 C pureed or mashed cooked sweet potato
1 egg, beaten
½ C buttermilk

Heat oven to 375 F. Grease 12 muffin cups or add paper liner. Combine flour sugar, baking powder, ginger, baking soda, and salt. In a separate bowl, whisk butter, oil, sweet potato, egg, and buttermilk. Fold wet mixture into the dry; stir until just combined. Fill muffin cups ¾ full. Bake for 20-25 minutes.

Per muffin: 248 calories, 37 g. carbs, 3 g. protein, 4 g. fat.

My Breaking Point

2011-10-04T19:43:00.000-05:00

I had reached my breaking point as I drove home from my parents’ house Sunday afternoon. I had spent the weekend with family and friends, desperately clenching my teetering emotions, lest I spill them out anytime someone asked me about my new job. The frustrations of my first year teaching surprisingly defiant, sarcastic, and lazy teenagers at a prestigious Catholic college preparatory school were wearing me down.

In the car, I turned loose my furies on God: “Why are you putting me through this? What have I done wrong? Was I wrong to take this job? What should I do?” were recurring themes of the monologue, which settled on the sob, “I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I. Can’t. Do. This.” Which is right, I can’t. Ironically, that realization settled me down, and changed my accusation to a plea for help:“Lord, help me. Show me how to handle this. You have me in this place for a reason; help me make it through and bring you glory in it.”

Later that day, on a break from grading papers, I received an email from the parent of a former student, thanking me for inspiring her daughter. The now ninth-grader had just received her scores on last year’s standardized tests, and Language Arts marks were through the roof. She now writes poetry and reads constantly.

I needed that.

As I was preparing Monday’s quiz over To Kill a Mockingbird, I read about the true courage of Atticus Finch and Mrs. Dubose, who knew they were licked before they began, but they fought for what was right anyway.

That became my mantra.

The next morning, I received a text from a friend, with whom I had not spoken in a while, saying she was praying for me.

What timing.

Students throughout the day paid attention, and a few even thanked me for class.

That didn’t hurt either.

This morning, I received a text message from a former colleague, informing me that they kicked off FCA this morning, 24 students strong, all because of my “vision,” as he put it.

Incredible encouragement.

There have been a few notable times in my life where I’ve felt like I was at the end of my rope, and these times are when I learn what it means to trust in the trustworthiness of God. He doesn’t promise to remove us from the trials and suffering, but He has born the ultimate suffering I never shall, and He bears my burdens with me. I document God’s faithfulness through the storm, so that hopefully when the next storm arises, it won’t take me so long to hit my breaking point and realize I can’t do it.

Hawaiiary Day 6 - Water, Water, and more Water!

2011-03-25T19:33:00.008-05:00

I guess the reality is setting in, this vacation is coming to a close (pause while I grab a tissue to stifle my tears), so we considered in as much of the one thing we will miss most: WATER!!!

Wai (Hawaiian for “Water”) Stop #1: Wailua Falls.

Normal fuddy-duddies and view this magnificent 173’ drop from the lookout above (pic #1), but we slid down the muddy trail (kudos to the locals who installed ropes to basically rappel down the hill!) while providing the mosquitoes some fresh meat (the same dumby who wore white shorts to a mudslide also forgot to apply bug spray!) so that we could nab this lovely framer (pic #2).

In case you’re

wondering, mud makes the trip down much much harder than the trip up; you never know when you’ll need that potentially lifesaving bit of trivia. Another piece of lifesaving trivia is to not drink the water unless you've treated it with those pills.

Wai Stop #2: ‘Opaeka’a Falls. There was no way were going to make it down to this one, so were settled for being one of the fuddy duddies. This is apparently a huge tourist spot, since it’s one of the biggest waterfalls easily viewed from the car. (pic #3) A

funny side note: we’ve seen a lot of “Free Hawaii” bumper stickers and such on cars belonging to locals who would rather not be American. One such local was parked in the 'Opaeka'a Falls Lookout parking lot selling souvenirs to the American tourists. I just wanted to point out the irony, which I find funny. Another local was advertising his tribe's business: kayaking tours up the Wailua River to Secret Falls. Due to my shoulder still recovering from surgery, we could not. However, this is definitely something we'll do when we return to Kaua'i someday! :) He did let me hold his spear for the pic nevertheless! (pic #4)

Wai Stop #3: Tiki Hut in Lihu’e for lunch. This counts per the amount of water Chris consumed. I think the waiter thought about charging us for it. The mahi mahi Caesar salad was supurb! Chris wussed out with a chicken wrap. There were weird tiki men painted all over the walls, which was cute. (pic #5)

Wai Stop #4: Shaka Shave Ice (duh, ice comes from wai!) in Lihu’e (pic #6). This is the BEST shave ice I’ve EVER consumed!!! Okay, granted, I’ve only had shave ice from two other places, but the ice was so thinly shaved, the ice cream in it was so good, the flavors (passion fruit, pineapple, and mango) were so tropical, and the sweet cream drizzled on top all combined to absolute perfection. Ahhhhhhhh.

Wai Stop #5: Boogie boarding. We had to work off that shave ice somehow! So we (attempted) boogie boarding at Lawa’i Beach, on the west side of our condo. Maybe we should’ve taken lessons; eh, at least we got a good workout paddling around!

Wai Stop #6: Snorkeling. After about an hour of doggie-paddling, we ditched the boogie boards and donned our snorkel gear and took my underwater camera to scout out the marine life (pic #7 &8).

Too bad we didn’t catch any of the sea turtles or whales that frequent the area, but we did see some colorful fish.

Wai Stop #7: Sunset at Spouting Horn. If you have a good memory, you’re thinking, “Gee, didn’t you write about Spouting Horn in Day 2?” Why, yes! The famous blowhole was our first stop on the first full day, but we had a hunch that it might put on a spectacular sunset show. And it sure did not disappoint (pic #9). Pictures truly do not do this place justice, though, because connected to the blowhole is a dry blowhole (air hole? I don’t know what it’s really called) that makes breathing, moaning sounds. Imagine a dragon breathing heavily, and you’ve got it. To make this evening even better than our original trip, the tide was much stronger, so the crashing waves sent the water through the blowhole much higher (approximately 50’); and, the sunset produced colors that locals say only occur once every few months or so! Wow! What a show! I’ll try to attach video to the blog.

Wai Stop #8: Brick Oven Pizza (pic #10). Yep, been here before too. We’re really lame, but this pizza is sooooooooooo good! Their water isn’t too bad either. : )

Wai Stop #9: Koloa Mill Ice Cream. Probably the biggest stretch under the “wai” category, but you know how ice cream works. Koloa Town was an early sugar mill site on Kaua’i, and the few blocks of shops are apparently dedicated to maintaining the historical “flavor” of the place. Wah wah, lame joke. The area is very cute, though

Well, we drank our fill in this water-saturated day. We should probably dry out with a hike tomorrow! : )

Make sure you check out Chris’s awesome pictures (http://www.flickr.com/photos/barnezy/)!

Aloha and muhalo :)

Hawaiiary, Day 5 - Easy Breezy Day

2011-03-24T20:22:00.004-05:00

The hiking and driving of the last three days had really worn us out, so we decided to take today easy, which means sleeping in (until 6:30), watching the sun rise from our lanai, and hitting the beach right outside our condo until lunchtime. We then got a little antsy, so we decided to scour the south west side of the island.

We ran into some tiki men (pic #1)

and surfed a humunga kowabunga wave at a nearby town (pic #2), checked out a few beaches – well, we tried,

but need to rent a 4WD vehicle next time to get to all the beaches – and went back to the Pu’u o Kila and Kalalou lookouts to capture the postcard-worthy shot of the trip. If you’ve been paying attention, you’d be thinking, “Gee, that looks a lot like the place you visited Monday,” and you’d be right!!! But look at clear afternoon picture (compared to Monday’s morning and fog shots), and you’ll see why we just had to drive the most left-right-up-down-loopty-loo road in America for Chris’s emotional need to be met. (pic #3)

We made it back to our condo for another picturesque sunset, and then we splurged on the Hawaiian-to-the-max restaurant, Keoki’s Paradise, where Chris wussed out for steak (though he claims he’s only had one better), while I thoroughly enjoyed the local catch, Ono fish (Ono is the Hawaiian word for “delicious,” which fits perfectly!). (pic #4)

We then capped off the day with some yummy locally made ice cream, Lappert’s.

This was a typical day of vacation for most people; for us, it was a recharge day for the next adventure!

Make sure you check out Chris’s awesome pictures (http://www.flickr.com/photos/barnezy/)!

Aloha and muhalo! :)

Day 4 – Roadtrip up the east and north coasts

2011-03-23T19:32:00.003-05:00

Today we saw too much stuff to bore everyone with, so I’ll just stick to the highlights.

We left about 6 am to beat the forewarned traffic of the big cities (population 10,000 each). Skies were cloudy, so we didn’t see any mind-blowing sunrises over the east shore, but that’s okay; we saw some incredible ocean fury all day!

On the north shore, where waves were up to 30’ high (!), we stopped at a fruit stand to pick up some papaya, guava, and coffee before heading to the Kilauea Lighthouse (pic #1),

where the waves smashing on the rocks below and the numerous birds sailing up above are wonderful. We then watched some surfers battle out the tide at Kalihiwai Bay, hung out with some locals at the Hideaways Beach, and caught a spectacular view of the north coast from a pavilion behind the swanky St. Regis resort. The most thrilling point of the morning was Queen’s Bath (pic #2),

a natural pool on a lava beach. The tide was so high and the ocean so torrent that we couldn’t get to the actual landmark without surely being victims number 28 & 29 (there’s a morbid running tally of drowning on the sign). What a sight of the powerful ocean; can’t wait to post video of it on my blog!

We ate some lunch in Princeville, looked out at the lovely taro farms at Hanalei Lookout, and then spent some time frolicking at Hanalei Bay, where the sand is packed in hard, but the bay less rocky than our southern side beaches. This is a wildly popular beach, where everyone just seems to pull their jeep, blazer, or hippie van (whatever will tote surfboards) right onto the beach for the day. On the way out of town, we tasted the locally grown fruits, chocolates, and teas at the farmer’s market. Apple bananas (confusing, right?) were my favorite, especially dipped in chocolate; soooo sad mangoes aren’t in season, though.

We visited Lumaha’I Beach, made famous in the movie South Pacific, saw some incredible waves at Tunnels Beach (pic #3)

and Ha’ena Beach Park (where there is also a humongous – bigger than a basketball court – dry cave), and beheld the west Pacific and the Napali Coast from Ke’e Beach. Chris was dying to take a sunset portrait back at the Hanalei Bay pier, so we booked it back, and made it just in time (pic #4).

The drive back home in the dark with weird reggae/hula/Jimmy Buffet mixed music on the radio was the textbook way to conclude our island exploration extravaganza day.

Make sure you check out Chris’s awesome pictures (http://www.flickr.com/photos/barnezy/) , and Aloha! :)

Day 3 – Nearly Fatal Fall

2011-03-22T18:50:00.004-05:00

After catching another sunrise on our lanai, we headed to the west side of the island for a hiking adventure. After climbing 5,000 in 2 miles (don’t be impressed – we’re still driving at this point), we happened upon the Waimea Canyon, which Mark Twain supposedly dubbed “The Grand Canyon of the Pacific” even though he never actually stepped foot on Kaua’i. hmph. Nevertheless, it is remarkable (Pic #1).

A few more miles up the windy, pot-holed road brought us to Pu’u o Kila Lookout (like the name?), which overlooks parts of the famous Na Pali Coast (northwest side of the island). Since it was still pretty early in the day, the shadows are pretty harsh (Pic #2),

but later in the day clouds rolled in off the ocean and turned into foooooooog, so we’re so thankful we caught the morning glory. From the lookout, we hiked 4 miles up and down slick, rainbow-colored mud/rock and through the Alaka’I swamp – on a trail created by wood planks, thank goodness – to the incredible Kilohana Lookout (Pic #3),

which provides a majestic view of the mountains, valleys, and beaches of the north shore. When I climbed over the lookout deck (pictured) for a more opportune photo position, I slipped on the rock, landed square on my tailbone, and almost rolled off the cliff. I’m not kidding! Scariest moment of my life, not to mention Chris’s, since he was helplessly watching it happen from 15’ away. However, the Lord planted the plants to break my roll, and I survived another day. :) Hiking the 4 miles back on my sore bum was a chore, but thankfully the hike through the crazy wilderness is quite diverting.

On the way back to the south shore, we celebrated with some shave ice (no ordinary snow cone) at Jo-Jo’s Clubhouse (Pic #4),

considered by our guidebook the best shave ice on the island, mostly because they put ice cream on the bottom (of course, I’m sold!). Yum yum yum. When we returned to the condo, I soaked my feet and bum in the ocean (who needs ice, right?), we caught another incredible sunset, and then we ate some delicious pizza at Brick Oven Pizza (the best pizza on the island, according to our guidebook). Chris won’t ever budge from his pepperoni, but I went for some Hawaiian pizza, just because that feels right. I was not disappointed. Then, because we still felt depleted, we picked up some gelato on the way home. Good day.

Make sure you check out Chris’s awesome pictures (http://www.flickr.com/photos/barnezy/) , and Aloha!

Hawaiiary, Day 2 - Beach Hiking

2011-03-21T20:09:00.006-05:00

Not yet adjusted to the 4-hour time difference, even though yesterday we were awake 23 hours, we couldn’t sleep past 4:30; so we waited for the 6:30 sunrise (of which Chris nabbed a time-lapse video, maybe I can upload this later) and then walked a mile or so to Spouting Horn, a blow-hole that also makes grumbling sounds, accompanied by a legend that some kind of sea monster got caught in the rocks and is moaning for her lost love. (pic 1)

Creepy, if you ask me, but the sound really adds to the experience. The fascinating thing is that there used to be a bigger geyser about 20 feet away that shot water 200’ into the air (pic 2),

but the

owner of the sugar plantation blasted it with dynamite in the 1920’s because the salt water spray was messing up a few of his acres. Boo to all greedy plantation owners. Side note, we saw some pretty awesome beach houses on the walk to and fro, a decent way to spend a few million.

After lunch, we went on our first real hike, starting at Shipwreck Beach (pic 3),

creeping onto Poipu Bay Golf Course (home of the PGA Grand Slam!), slithering around fantastic cliffs, happening upon a cave dedication (saw/heard some bona fide Hawaiian singing/dancing) up a river from Gillan’s Beach (pic 4),

witnessing a rodeo (not kidding! Who knew?!), and then crawling back to our car, obliterated by the afternoon sun. We then drove to the popular Poipu Beach, where Chris got some shots of an endangered seal (which he keeps calling a “sea monkey” for some reason)

while I “evened my tan” on my back, and we both took a dip in the cool, wavy, and very rocky water.

We made it back to the condo to witness another spectacular sunset, and then we ate some good ol’ fashioned Bubba Burgers and celebrated a successful day with some gelato. Yum yum yum!

Make sure you check out Chris’s awesome pictures (http://www.flickr.com/photos/barnezy/) , and Aloha! :)

Ali

Hawaiiary, Day 1: Travelness

2011-03-20T19:39:00.006-05:00

Long story, short, last summer, Chris's video of his proposal won a contest, granting us a travel voucher anywhere we'd like to go. So we thought long and hard about where we probably wouldn't ever go otherwise, and that brings us to Kaua'i, the Garden Isle of Hawaii. We've been looking forward to this trip for almost 9 months, and with The Ultimate Kaua'i Guidebook: Kaua'i Revealed (aka, the Kaua'i Bible) basically memorized and in-hand, we're finally off on our highly anticipated adventure.

Spending 16 hours in planes and airports is for the birds, but I guess it beats the 16 months (give or take, since I really don’t know) it took Captain James Cook to get his crew to Kauai. I’m pretty sure I ate 7 meals throughout the day: breakfast #1 at 4 am in Kansas City till dinner #2 at 7 pm Hawaii time. I think I also took 5 rounds of pepto bismol. Bleh. Travelling is not really the most fun thing when you feel crummy, didn’t get much sleep the night before, and have not yet mastered the art of sleeping on the plane.

Nevertheless, we made it to Kauai!!! Lou, the guy renting the condo to us for the week, picked us up in our Toyota Corolla and pointed out some of the movie scene spots (namely, Jurassic Park and Raiders of the Lost Ark) on our way to the condo. Vaguely describing the vegetation as beautiful is an absurd understatement; the flora and fauna are pristine and otherworldly for this Okie. Our condo overlooks a cove (sunrise picture from Day 2 morning below), and the other side of the building (50 yards around the corner) boasts a breathtaking sunset view (another pic below) as well as a popular surfing spot.

Chris and I went to a local pizza place for dinner, where I ordered the local favorite kalua pig dish instead of a pie, and both pizza and pig were awesome! We bought a few groceries at the local store (anything imported is double the mainland price!) to get a few staples, and we’ll probably hit up Walmart in the big town (Lihue) to get more supplies (Cliff bars, chocolate covered macadamia nuts, etc) later.

Below are some pics of our condo, so you can get an idea of the place. Note: I’m no Chris, and these are from my point-and-shoot. He’ll post his awesome pics on flickr. Day 1 was exhausting, but we can't wait for the fun week ahead!

NB: I'm posting my Hawaiiary after returning home, for security reasons. I wrote most of this while we were there, however, so I wouldn't forget all the incredible adventures! Thanks for tagging along!

The tummy plight continues…

2011-03-06T21:07:00.004-06:00

Apparently many people have experienced or are experiencing the same problems I have, but a diagnosis takes forever and there’s not much helpful information out there. You may have come to notice, like I have, that doctors often act like the patient is an idiot or hypochondriac, and tests/hypotheses/diagnoses only come after multiple office visits, a number of inconvenient procedures, and kabillions of dollars.

The problem with watching the TV show House is that I have this expectation of a doctor figuring me out in a few days. Instead, you schedule an office visit (hopefully within a week if you’re lucky), they order a test (again, hopefully within a week) for which you have to take off work and fast, you wait a week for the results (in another office visit) – which are negative – warranting another test, and maybe after this process for a millennium they find what’s actually wrong with you. Okay, so I’m a little cynical, but that has felt like my experience, except that the doctor wanted me to wait 4 weeks between each visit to see if this general drug (Nexium) helps me out. What the heck?

So here are my symptoms:

Upper abdominal pain, right under my lower ribs, all the way across my front. It seems that this is where the diaphragm should be, maybe liver (who knew these things reached this high?). Pain and discomfort throughout the day, strongest about an hour after meals, but can come and go seemingly at random. Pain seams more severe after eating fatty foods or wheat products, and I think coffee might trigger it too. Also I’ve had a lot of strange, deep burping (sorry so gross). No nausea, though, thank goodness!

Tests and other fun things:

The pain first started a few weeks after shoulder surgery. I originally thought the stomach pain was a symptom of an ovarian cyst that was causing other problems, but that cyst burst (not fun) and the stomach pain continued. Since the gyno saw an overgrowth in yeast, I went on the candida diet (blog post) to see if it’d also help my stomach. On a sans-sugar/yeast/wheat diet, my symptoms weren’t as bad, but they were definitely still there, so I went the GI.

The GI ordered an EGD (scope down the esophagus, through the stomach, into the small intestine), which was clean – nothing that the doctor wanted to biopsy or anything. So then she ordered an abdominal ultrasound, which was also clean – no gallstones. I then had the GI draw blood to check for Celiac disease (since wheat seems to aggravate some problems), and she also ordered a CCK Pipida scan, which I did on Friday. In the Pipida scan, you are injected with dye that lights up your gall bladder while you lie on the table with the CT scan over you and wait for what can take anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour. When your gall bladder lights up, then the tech injects you with CCK, a chemical that makes your gall bladder contract, just like it does when your body digests food. This scan takes 30-45 minutes, and the machine takes a lot of pictures while your gall bladder is working. The tech said that you may or may not experience the same symptoms that you normally do with digestion (I did), but usually not more than usual (contrary to what I feared from online research). So the Pipida scan can take anywhere from an hour to two hours, given how long it takes for the gall bladder to light up.

Even though the GI said I’d have to wait 10-14 days for my results, the tech at Diagnostic Images said I’d be able to call my doc for the results in two business days (which will be tomorrow). I can’t wait, since I’ll get both the celiac test results and the Pipida scan results tomorrow! At this point, I’m totally prepared for the “negative” findings and the you-must-be-crazy look from the doctor because that’s all I’ve gotten thus far. However, many people (several more than I thought) have gone through this, and the Pipida scan was the deciding factor for them, even after having all negatives up to that point. Not that I’m hoping for something to be wrong, but I know there is something wrong (why else would I all-of-a-sudden feel this way, and keep feeling this way for months?), and I want an answer so we can fix/treat it. Hopefully that answer comes Monday! :)

"Before the Throne of God Above"

2011-02-27T14:50:00.008-06:00

Before the throne of God above,

I have a strong and perfect plea. (Heb 4:15-16)
A great High Priest whose Name is Love (Heb 4:14)
Who ever lives and pleads for me. (Heb 7:25)
My name is graven on His hands, (Isa 49:16)
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in Heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart. (Rom 8:34)

When Satan tempts me to despair (Luke 22:31-32)
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there (Acts 7:55-56)
Who made an end of all my sin. (Col 2:13-14)
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me. (Rom 3:24-26)

Behold Him there the risen Lamb, (Rev 5:6)
My perfect spotless righteousness, (1 Cor 1:30; 1 Peter 1:18-19)
The great unchangeable I AM, (Heb 13:8; John 8:58)
The King of glory and of grace,
One in Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood, (Acts 20:28)
My life is hid with Christ on high, (Col 3:3)
With Christ my Savior and my God! (Tit 2:13)

The hymn written by Charitie Lees Bancroft is so beautifully moving, and as Chuck Bumgardener points out in his blog, there is soooo much scriptural truth woven through the poem (I've pasted his references above).

Christ's substitution for us on the cross is an awe-full truth that never will cease to move me, and the beauty of His love and grace leaves this purchased sinner speechless, except praise and glory be to God!

Candida or Candonta

2011-02-12T08:51:00.002-06:00

I don’t know what it was about year 25, but it seems my body thought my life was too easy, so it decided to rebel to keep me ‘entertained’ of sorts. An ovarian cyst that was spotted last summer became extremely painful in January, but by the time I finally got in to see the doctor, the ultrasound was clean, leaving me to think the angst I went through a few weeks prior was the cyst bursting (fine by me – get it out of here!). I guess my hypothesis was not very rational to the doc, because she insists my pain is a hernia, and that I need to see another doctor if the pain persists; lucky for me it hasn’t! However, the gyno also spotted a yeast infection, which I hypothesize (why can’t I stop doing that?!?) took over due to the round of antibiotics I took to abate the sinus infection brought on my down immune system after shoulder surgery. Bleh. I’m thankful that I don’t have the “normal” symptoms of a yeast infection, but I did tell the doc that my stomach has been killing me especially after meals, and my whole gut has felt yucky for a few weeks. At the time, I figured the feeling was linked to the cyst, while the doc passed it off as the flu. Now I think both of us were wrong.

Dr. Mom suggested that the stomach pain was in fact the yeast infection, for when yeast overpopulates it enjoys taking over everything, and the round of antibiotics killed all my good yeast-killing bacteria, so the yeast multiplied like bunnies on my heavenly high-carb diet. Now I’m an extremely healthy carb lover: whole grains and loads of fruit are my favorite things (well, with an occasional [daily] chocolate/ice cream indulgence). After researching the web, I found that the old adage about Dr. Mom is pretty darn accurate – she does know best.

I found many websites describing the yeast infection problem, called Candida Albicans; one website describing the condition as: “Candida Albicans is an opportunistic fungus (or form of yeast) that is the cause of many undesirable symptoms ranging from fatigue and weight gain, to joint pain and gas. The Candida yeast is a part of the gut flora, a group of microorganisms that live in your mouth and intestine. When the Candida population starts getting out of control it weakens the intestinal wall, penetrating through into the bloodstream and spreading throughout the body.” Candida Albicans is usually misdiagnosed as the flu or IBS, and long-lasting troubles can result, such as food allergies, joint problems, organ problems, and slow and painful death. Okay, so no website claims that last one. However, food allergies seem terrible – my gluten and dairy-free diet experiment a year ago was probably the worst three-month period of my life – and I really feel bad for people who spend their days meticulously reading labels and limiting their restaurant experiences. No fun. Which brings me to the Candida Diet.

Apparently, the only natural way to beat the yeast (and not risk destroying my liver) is to starve it out. Since yeast feeds on sugar, anything that turns into sugar cannot be consumed on this diet. That means any fruits or grains too. Neither can one consume anything with caffeine, vinegar, or corn; I never knew until now how almost every type of food has these yeast cultivating ingredients in them!

So what can one eat on the Candida Diet? Basically meats, most veggies, oils, probiotics, limited dairy (thank goodness I can have yogurt, as long as it’s the low low sugar plain kind), and nuts (non-peanut). So what I went through on the gluten and dairy-free diet is NOTHING compared to this!!!

Starving the yeast can take a few weeks, and then the sufferer can slowly add back in low-sugared fruits, etc. So expect me to be a really grumpy person for at least a few weeks, because without sugar and chocolate, my serotonin is at insanely low levels!

Hopefully this works; if I’m still feeling yucky after all I can handle of this trial, I’ll opt for the meds, but any other suggestions and/or encouragement is much needed and appreciated! In the meantime, pass the peppermint tea, celery, and hummus, please! Nom nom nom.

Why I Blog... (also titled, Justifying my Whims)

2011-02-01T10:57:00.002-06:00

I started this blog for many reasons, hopefully none of them for mere vanity, though that may be the first impression anyone (myself included) has when they first view any blog.

Blog rationale #1: Writing practice. I’m not a professional writer, as any fool can see through mediocre sketches I produce, but as an 8^th grade English teacher who wants to keep the door open for something higher someday, I want to prevent the mental wheels from rusting out completely. Therefore, I continue to read classics and review them when I can (blog on Tale of Two Cities coming soon). I also am a huge fan of writing as an art form, and though I’m not delusional enough to believe I am a gifted artist, I believe it’s beneficial to exercise the cerebral muscles. I greatly enjoyed writing essays in college because it’s only through writing that one slows down enough to organize thoughts, work them into a logical argument, and therefore truly learn from a work of literature; this is a process I regret leaving behind, and since I’m not entertaining the thought of grad school for awhile so I don’t totally tank as a wife, blogging occasionally absorbs me in the intellectual hobby I miss.

Blog rationale #2: To help/save my marriage. Kind of kidding here, but for real, I am a weirdo who houses pint-up thoughts that compile and build to the point where they just may erupt at any given moment if I don’t release them in due time. My hubby Chris is a busy guy who doesn’t need to hear all my endless rants, musings, analyses, “level 6ness,” etc. while he’s studying for his chiropractic career or editing photos. So when I get to the point of near self-destruction from too much compressed activity upstairs, I spill it out on the computer instead of to his deer-in-headlights/glazed over countenance. As Chris puts it, the blog is my therapy, which is probably his excuse for not letting me get weekly massages. J

Blog rationale #3: Feedback. Why don’t I just keep a journal? This opinion may be totally wrong, but I feel a journal is more selfish than a blog because no one would read it but me. Also, I’m not as motivated to write something no one will read: my time is better spent elsewhere. And thirdly, I’d most likely be more negative and self-pitying if no one were to read my journal, and who needs more avenues for woe-is-me-ness. I doubt many people read my blog, but it’s a way to share my ideas, convictions, or silly musings and see what people think about them, if they think about them at all. It doesn’t take many posts to reveal how opinionated I am, but suffice it to say that there’s a difference between believing something because you want it to be so and basing your beliefs on what you’ve read and read and have found to be logically consistent and true. I do appreciate feedback, even in the form of criticism, as long as it’s not just attempts to pick holes through every detail of an argument; no one needs that either.

Eventually this will be a blog about our family, so people we’ve met in the places we’ve lived can keep up with us. I love watching my friends’ children grow up and letting them know how cuuuuute pics and happenings are! Maybe someday we’ll have cutie-patootie little Barnezys for everyone to fawn over.

So to sum up, don’t expect anything crazy-mind-blowing, and don’t expect perfection in print, but do expect some thought-provoking, entertaining, sarcastic, random “streams of consciousness” from this gal.

Grace Abounds

2011-02-01T10:08:00.003-06:00

This is a link to a 12-minute sermonette by my brother Asher, titled "Grace Abounds," a very liberating analysis of Romans 5:20-21, where Paul displays the wonderful and necessary balance of God's Law to humble the proud and God's Gospel to lift the humble! If the embedded link doesn't work, you may listen to his powerful message here.

This Chick Digs Scars

2011-01-23T19:29:00.002-06:00

2 Corinthians 5: 1-10 - 1 For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2 Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, 3 because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4 For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5 Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

6 Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. 7 For we live by faith, not by sight. 8 We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 9 So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. 10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

This past year the Lord has taught me a lot. Not as much in means of intellect or theology as application and practice. Being an athlete, I’ve experienced episodes of pain, from broken bones to shin splints to muscle spasms, but it was ironically after my athletic career that I had a bout with real chronic pain. This past calendar year I had chronic fatigue that doctors couldn’t figure out, ovarian cysts that are still causing me pain, Morton’s Neuroma in my foot and undefined pain in my hip. that halted my running, and, of course, two shoulder surgeries. Prior to 2010, my health insurance liked me. Now, not so much.

Through what has seemed like wave after wave of “what else could go wrong with this stinking body?” the Lord has been faithful, and all this has driven me to Him as my sole comforter and hope. Some positive aspects of these trials include:

Recognition of the frailty of this earthly tent. At the ripe old age of 25, I’m reminded that this ain’t no heavenly body, and aches and pains make me even more grateful that this isn’t all I have to look forward to. In a weird way I’m simultaneously more cognizant about my body (multiple issues does that) and yet less focused on it superficially (which is a big struggle for me).
Empathy for others in pain. I had never understood how much pain consumes you and changes your personality. When so much is going wrong and you’re scheduling a multitude of doctor visits and various tests and no one seems to believe that you’re really feeling what you know you are, it’s hard to stay sane, positive, and unselfish. Before all this, my heart was pretty callous toward people plagued with these kinds of trials. Now, hopefully, I can be more help to others in need.
Choosing joy and hope over worry. I can’t really put a check in this box yet, but I know this is something God is still working in me. To me, the unknown is the worst part of health issues, and like I stated above, it’s hard to take your mind off it. Indefinite MRIs, doctors who misread ultrasounds and then tell you “Eh, it’s probably no big deal,” and multiple blood tests that show no reason why you feel this way are all frustrating. This makes me feel terrible for people who have nothing else to live for but the here and now, for I don’t have to read far into the scriptures to return to the joy of my salvation.
Rejoicing in the drudgery. And by drudgery here I mean the slow and steady road of recovery. Right now I’m thankful that I’m not trying to get back to a sport, because shoulder surgery (especially mine where they redid everything except the bones) is the most difficult surgery to rehabilitate (because it has the most range of motion and is a smallish joint). I can see why many people become depressed in Physical Therapy (it’s been three months and I can only lift three pounds… are you kidding me?!), but I’m so thankful that I have a great PT and that self-discipline is my middle name – or OCD, whatever. Needless to say, PT is fun for me, even though it sucks, and I try to spread a little joy and humor to those who are going through the Valley of Death-by-Endless-Rehab with me.
My husband and family have provided me with so much encouragement, stability, and Kleenex. Trials bring us closer together, showing us how we really do and should depend on each other.

Physical difficulties and victories can teach us so much. I think the main struggle is that we tend to make bodily circumstances more than what they are. There’s so much we learn through athletics, through pain, through triumph, through sickness, through healing, through scars, that we can derive metaphors and lessons for life, but the physical is not life itself, just part of it. Adverse physical circumstances should draw us closer to the One who makes life more than just physical.

Rainy (or Snowy) Day Food Activity

2011-01-18T14:40:00.006-06:00

I saw this activity in a Whole Foods magazine/coupon book/recipe ad... I don't know exactly what you'd call the publication. However, you (parent) have your kid draw a plate and choose a food from each color to draw on the plate. Older kids can add up the cost of their meal or figure out what the cheapest meal would be or figure out which meal they could buy with $1.57. Super cool way to teach kids about foods, colors, nutrition, math, art, etc! You could even show them still life paintings and let them water-color their way to greatness... okay, so that's the advanced version.

Parents, let me know what you think... otherwise, you won't get a review of this activity for about 5-7 years. :)

Abortion: a not-so-silent killer anymore

2011-01-16T18:01:00.004-06:00

I read on AlbertMohler.com that The New York Times reported on January 6, 2011 that the abortion rate in New York City is about 40 percent of all pregnancies and almost 60% of African American pregnancies…insert time to double-take… That means on average, more than two of every five pregnant women in the world’s most recognizable city choose to kill their babies. This is by far the most tragic statistic I’ve probably ever read.

I recall a conversation wherein my dad described abortion as the most unnatural and inhumane action a parent could ever perform. What is more basic than a parent’s instinct to protect her young? That’s even the most fundamental intuition among animals, since the survival of one’s offspring is essential to a species. A parent’s choosing her own life (especially when it is some ridiculously trivial aspect of life, like career, for example) over the existence of her child, is backwards, inhumane, and ultimately completely depravedly selfish. In no other case does a law permit a “choice” to end another human being’s life without his or her consent.

In October 2010, Dr. Mohler blogged about Dr. Mildred Jefferson, the first black woman to graduate from the Harvard Medical School, who was outspokenly against abortion and Roe v. Wade during her lifetime. She once summarized her sense of urgency to reverse the infamous case with these words: “I am at once a physician, a citizen and a woman, and I am not willing to stand aside and allow this concept of expendable human lives to turn this great land of ours into just another exclusive reservation where only the perfect, the privileged and the planned have the right to live.” In America, Planned Parenthood began because of the eugenics movement – the idea that people could breed a more superior race by preventing pregnancies and births of “less fit” the genes – a philosophy that had its roots in (though is also a distortion of) Darwin’s theory of Natural Selection, and a movement that was the basis of the Nazi Party’s practices in Germany.

Since abortion is the termination of an unwanted pregnancy, the real problem is, of course, adultery. People want to sin without consequences, so they try to kill and bury the consequence as if that itself will not have additional consequences.

That people can end the lives of their unborn children is unbelievable. That physicians who have taken an oath to “do no harm” can knowingly kill a living human being is unthinkable. That murder has been legalized by authorities who have sworn to protect the lives of citizens is deplorable. That the public has become desensitized to this wretched and foreboding practice is alarming.

What can we do to help those who are deceived into believing abortion is acceptable, or even the only way to “deal with” conceiving a child?

ProKindle – ConKindle

2011-01-11T09:15:00.004-06:00

I love reading. I wish I read more. I’ve been told to get the Kindle, and my mom even was going to get me one for Christmas, but I’ve been hesitant and reluctant toward the device. Currently, I carry big fat books around with me everywhere – right now I have Dickens’s Tale of Two Cities/Great Expectations – I love the feel of books, the smell of books, the look of books stacked up on the shelves, trophies of my victorious literary achievements. With the Kindle, I’d lose those sensory pleasures, but would I gain enough make the swap worthwhile?

Pros:

Fits in my purse – even a small purse!
I could have multiple books with me at one time (the Bible is most appealing in this point). This is especially ideal for light traveling.
Pre-1923 books are free to download – I read mostly classic works, so I’d spend waaaaaay less on books.
The Kindle can read to you (I didn’t know about this feature!), so it turns into audiobooks (for free), for when I’m driving or whatever.
You can search your library for key words or phrases – great for looking up quotes or Bible verses.
You can highlight or bookmark, though I doubt this really has the same effect as doing so in an actual book.
The font is adjustable – I’m thinking this would be great for the gym, where I can enlarge the font and place the Kindle on the elliptical/stair-of-death/bike and not have to wear out my shoulder holding my big fat novel (drudgery I currently inflict on myself).

Cons:

Sensory aspects of an actual book, listed above. I’m pretty sure I’d really miss that. There’s something personal and emotional to me about books, weird, eh
Seeing my books – and others seeing them – conversation starter – ok, pride.
Feeling the book – turning the page, etc. Each page stores the ideas and emotions experienced on that page’s story, or the sweat produced at the gym while reading that page on the bike (haha).
Smelling like old books – I’m okay without this one. :)
My bookshelf wouldn’t bolster my pride. I phrase it this way to convict myself – this should not be a con. :)

What do you think? Other pros/cons? Should I ask for a Kindle for my birthday?

John MacArthur Rebukes Joel Osteen

2011-01-10T09:04:00.001-06:00

“When men and women are awakened to the facts of judgment and their own sin, they become eager listeners to the Good News of the Savior who brings forgiveness. There is grace in such preaching because any Christ whom men receive without being in the wilderness, without the stern preacher of sin and judgment, is but half a Christ, and the vital half is missing.” - Kent Hughes

My husband Chris showed me this video clip of John MacArthur, renowned Bible expositor and preacher, who I've been listening to via my dad for as long as I can remember. MacArthur is never one to beat around the bush because, as he says it, his prerogative is to present and defend the true gospel of Jesus Christ. He rarely publicly rebukes specific false preachers, and he does so only after they have refused his private counsel to preach the Word, lest they keep leading others astray. I recently listened to an interview on apostasy where MacArthur explained that since he was younger, he has been extremely distressed by friends that have "abandoned" the faith because they were deceived - whether by self or a false teacher - and therefore he aims to expose false teachers in order to protect people from their lies, because the followers of these distorters think they're christians when they are not.

In this clip, MacArthur goes so far as to call Osteen and others like him "satanic", which is shocking, but someone needs to say it, for anyone presenting a half-gospel is leading his followers to hell, and therefore the term is fitting. Osteen would be a fine secular motivational speaker, and seems like a great guy, but he distorts the Bible as if it's all about our present comfort, trying make us bigger and God smaller. I've watched Osteen sermons on TV where he diminishes the main points of Jesus's birth, ministry, and death to some weak self-help example instead of (like the Bible) proclaiming the Messiah's redemption of sinful man. Chris can vouch that he made me vow to never watch Osteen again because I've almost damaged our TV by hurling things in the direction of Osteen's image.

Without exposing sin, there is no gospel. Without a God who detests sin, there is no gospel. Without exposing the therefore consequences of sin, there is no gospel. Without highlighting God Himself becoming man, yet without sin, paying the consequences of our sin for us, and abating the wrath of a justly angry God, there is no gospel.

Those who merely believe that God is here to make our lives better do not believe in the God of the Bible, which is a huge tragedy. Those who "receive" Christ without the stirred preaching of sin and judgment, and therefore have not repented from their sins, turned from their ways, and sought to follow Him though it cost them every worldly thing, have not received the gift of Christ offered in the Bible. For if you don't think you need to be saved from anything, how can you be saved at all? A "half" gospel is a damning one, for it produces deceived people who are then unreceptive to what the Bible says about real things like sin and death and hell and a just Judge. They'd "rather" believe in a fluffy, fake god who accepts people the sinful way they are, requires nothing of them, and will give them any trite thing they want in order to have their "best life now", which (J.M. so perceptively puts it) means there is either is no heaven or they don't care to go there.

Chris and others who have posted this video have received some harsh criticism by people who incorrectly interpret scripture that we should not judge others to mean that we should blindly and indiscernibly let distorters lead our friends astray by tickling their ears with hollow, false, worldly hope. Other critics claim the postmodern ideal that no one knows truth, so therefore Osteen's interpretation of the Bible just as valid as MacArthur's... to which I just laugh at the ignorance. There's a difference between opinion and research, and, as I said before, MacArthur is one of the most well-known (world-wide) preachers for how well he teaches the Bible, verse by verse, word by word, every Sunday. Few people in the world today know the Bible as well as MacArthur. As lastly, to repeat just as a disclaimer, MacArthur rarely rebukes other pastors, his sermons are always straight from scripture (as I just said), and calling those who are in error to repentance and truth is the most loving gesture any Christian can perform. May God forgive us all from vices we commit or say, and may we daily seek knowledge and understanding of Who He has revealed Himself to be in his precious Word.

As seen in my closet...

2011-01-09T08:30:00.006-06:00

So I'm a sucker for those stinking persuasive infomercials that seem (and usually are) too good to be true. What saves me is my stinginess: no I will NOT spend my hard-earned three installments of $19.95!!! However, I do have a Magic Bullet food processing thingie that I asked for at our wedding (if someone could show me how they make those amazing dishes with it, please do so!), I rocked to Turbo Jam (which may have been what shredded my shoulder), I cancelled a speed reading program because I suffered too much buyer's remorse before it arrived, and Friday night I purchased the latest "As seen on TV" item: the Magic Hanger closet organizer.

Why? I was set to buy one of those hangers at Bed Bath and Beyond that hangs 6 blouses on one hanger - I have a few for pants, and they are a must if you refuse to rid yourself of attire you donned in high school - when I turned the corner, and there was the Magic Hanger that I remembered seeing some happy lady organizing her stuffed closet on TV. I don't usually succumb to these things, except there are 8 of these miraculous devices in a $10 box! The one hanger that I was going to buy was $7, so the infomercial wonder was worth a shot.

And it was! See 4 of the 8 here: http://yfrog.com/h3jgztj Not only does this little piece of plastic conserve much-needed closet space, but it helps me organize my styles as well - cardigans here, t-shirts there, etc! I'm sure this Magic hanger will really benefit my travel garment bag as well.

I'm so stoked, it makes me wonder if I should give the speed-reading program a second shot!

Resolution 2010

2011-01-04T19:22:00.005-06:00

"Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life." - Jonathan Edwards

It's a new year, which means another (probably failed) attempt to resurrect my blog. Maybe if I keep my blogs short, sweet, and to the point, it wouldn't be so daunting a task, but I'll be the first to admit that that's near impossible.

New Year's also mean resolutions, and who is better at that than the resolver himself, Jonathan Edwards. When I read his "Resolutions" #7 above, I immediately sank into a pensive, even melancholy state, and thought on how trite all my day-to-day business seems. Wake up, shower, do PT exercises (if anyone reads this who doesn't know me - I had shoulder surgery [maybe could've used that for a blog - eh, maybe later]), eat oatmeal, go to school, come home, work out, make dinner, do housewifey stuff, do PT exercises, read maybe a word before crashing into slumber. Bleh!

Goodness, gracious, did I do a single thing today that I would do if it were the last hour of my life? I wasn't too fond of ol' Jon for a moment as I jealously considered that it was his stinking job to share the gospel every day and he had a wife to take care of everything, and I mean everything, else. I wonder if he'd say he wanted Sarah to have the same resolution: "Nope, honey, I wouldn't be washing diapers for our 37 kids if I had one more hour to live!" Ok, self-pity mode subsided with that image.

So then I started to consider the overall intent through most of Jon's resolutions, notably #6: "to live with all my might, while I do live, " and especially #1, which is repeatedly echoed: "Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God's glory, and my own good, profit and pleasure, in the whole of my duration, without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriad's of ages hence. Resolved to do whatever I think to be my duty and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved to do this, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many and how great soever." When considered in light of Colossians 3:23, "Whatever you do, do it with all your heart, as serving the Lord and not men," it became clearer to me that it's how I serve others joyfully through my day to day tasks (and even more so when we someday have children) that brings glory to God. It's not so much that every second I need to so something spectacular, as if I'm closing my earthly chapter with a bang, but that each second I do whatever I'm doing to glorify God and bring others closer to Him.

So that's my resolution. It's not exactly measurable, except by honest assessment, and I know I will fail at it more often than not, but a heart that delights in the Lord is always something to strive for.

Convictions while reading...

2010-01-18T15:38:00.007-06:00

Crazy Love by Francis Chan. My brother described this book as a softer, easy-to-read Hard to Believe by John MacArthur; but tho this is less 'theological', it is in no way less convicting. Chan, like MacArthur, cuts through the heart of "easy-believism" to emphasize the Christianity that Christ emphasized: a whole-hearted, self-sacrificing "crazy" by the world's standards, life pursuit.

I just finished Crazy Love with only a few hours of reading time, but for me this book should be read slowly, with each idea and conviction meditated on, compared to scripture, & personalized. I've read too far already to go back and comment on every 'aha' moment while reading (you're welcome), but I'll try to hit some of the big ones to lure you into reading this for yourself.

In Jonathan Edwardsian style, Chan advocates focusing on & loving God solely for Who He is, not just for what He does for us. Instead of one-way prayers/relationships where we talk at God (guilty), we bring Him more glory and know Him better by striving to know more about Him and His will. Seems sooo easy when put logically like that! :)

The book gets pretty "crazy" convicting, showing me that even though I've considered myself a passionate pursuer of Christ, I still shamefully fit the "profile of the lukewarm" in many aspects, which calls me and all readers to further examine themselves. Even tho a person is not saved by his works, the Bible teaches that actions will surely follow a true conversion; and thus Chan concludes, "A lukewarm Christian is an oxymoron; there’s no such thing. To put it plainly, churchgoers who are lukewarm are not Christians. We will not see them in heaven” (81). Chan quotes Fredric D. Huntington's 1890 observation: "It is not scientific doubt, not atheism, not pantheism, not agnosticism, that in our day and in this land is likely to quench the light of the gospel. It is a proud, sensuous, selfish, luxurious, church-going, hollow-hearted prosperity." Bingo. We've bought the lie that God is here to make us happy, healthy, rich, comfortable, etc., when nothing could be further from the truth; when we seek those things over God, we are ultimately miserable, dead, poor, and in agony. I caught myself today praying for the physical healing of my mom, my husband's shoulder, my abnormal exhaustion, blah blah blah, and of course we are to cast our cares and anxieties on Him, but should I not then pray that His will be done in everything and for the sanctification of us through our trials instead of just the removal of them?

Instead of striking a deal with God for our "Best Life Now," we should pray that God give us opportunities to procure our best life later, which when you think about it, you'd better know what you're asking for because you just might get it. My dad used to jokingly say, "Be careful when you pray for patience, because patience is the product of trial." In other words, as Jesus warned, we must count the cost of discipleship: be willing and ready to sacrifice all this world has to offer, so that you may gain Christ and His riches. The problem with most "Christians" is that they want all the benefits of the club without paying the dues, i.e., that suffering likens us to Christ (which is the point).

The chapter that made me decide to stop reading and think & write is chapter 8: "Profile of the Obsessed." The idea lingering from chp. 7 was "we are each given different gifts and talents by our Master. The thing that matters most is how we use what we have been given, not how much we make or do compared to someone else. What matters is that we spend ourselves." Spend yourself. The picture in my mind is of the Lombardi quote about laying on the battle field, exhausted, but victorious. I think about all the hours over my lifetime I've completely poured myself out in some athletic or educational endeavor. What if I had shown God the kind of devotion I had shown golf, basketball, or English? Sheesh. Or even the kind of devotion I still show my body: in the gym, doing my turbo jam, correcting my image in the mirror? This is getting to be horrifying!

Those obsessed with Christ are "excessively preoccupied" and consumed with glorifying God and sharing His love with other people. To be honest, I can be pretty consumed with God on an intellectual, emotional, and personally spiritual level. Anyone who knows me knows I'm kind of weird (and almost alienating) about it, but do I reach out to others in a way that honors the One I adore? Chan stresses, "People who are obsessed with Jesus give freely and openly, without censure... love those who hate them and who can never love them back... aren't consumed with their personal safety and comfort... live lives that connect them with the poor in some way or another... are more concerned with obeying God than doing what is expected or fulfilling the status quo... will do things that don't always make sense in terms of success or wealth on this earth... know that you can never be 'humble enough,' and so they seek to make themselves less known and Christ more known... do not consider service a burden... take joy in loving God by loving His people... genuinely think that others matter as much as they do, and they are particularly aware of those who are poor around the world... orient their lives around eternity; they are not fixed only on what is here in front of them... characterized by committed, settled, passionate love for God, above and before every other thing and every other being... do not attempt to mask the ugliness oftheir sins or their failures... have an intimate relationship with Him... more concerned with his or her character than comfort... know that the best thing he can do is be faithful to his Savior in every aspect of his life, continually saying 'Thank you!' to God."

So that was the longest quote ever, but this chapter covered many characteristics and outward displays of a person crazily devoted to our Lord. Some of these I'm chosing to specifically pray for myself in, especially " do not consider service a burden." I want a heart more focused on the joy of loving others and serving them, following God's second greatest commandment: "love your neighbor as yourself." I've been frustrated lately feeling like I'm constantly giving, when I should be constantly giving, but out of joy and love, not obligation and angst. I pray that God changes my heart in this (and I'm also looking for practical pointers also!).

Chan gives many encouraging (yet humbling) examples of people who sacrificed everything in order to 'spend it all' for the Lord. But just when the reader is at the point of complete paralyzed overwhelmation, he comforts with baby steps: "I concur with Annie Dillard, who once said, ' How we live our days is... how we live our lives.' We each need to discover for ourselves how to live this day in faithful surrender to God as we 'continue to work out [our] salvation with fear and trembling' (Phil. 2:12)." Therefore my goal is each day to be eternally minded, to focus on joyfully giving to others, keeping in mind what God gave to me.

If only I could tatoo or create some constant hologram reminder... :)

What will you do today this day?

Review of David Copperfield

2010-01-08T14:03:00.012-06:00

I just finished this gem of a novel, David Copperfield, which most say is extremely autobiographical of Charles Dickens's life, and I am more than ever entranced by his playful, yet thoughtful, and overall masterfully observant writing style. I set out on this 729 page work because I teach the masterpiece, A Christmas Carol, to my 8th graders, and I wished to dive deeper into the world of the artist (see my blog on A Christmas Carol from last year, if you'd like).

What intrigues me about Dickens is, as T.S. Eliot accounted, "Dickens's figures belong to poetry, like figures of Dante or Shakespeare, in that a single phrase, either by them or about them, may be enough to set them wholly before us." I would add that not only the poetic detail his characterizations, but also in his scenery, sets him above any author I know of in crafting a picture in the reader's mind. Of what I've read, his works are not the deepest-delving into the human psyche, but his way with words is truly masterful and beautiful to behold.

What intrigues me most about David Copperfield itself, though, is a pristine retrospect of a narrator who has incurred many hardships in life. Through his accound of being orphaned, abused, and abandoned as a child, David the narrator maintains a light, witty tone while not downplaying his tribulations. For example, the reader finds himself simultaneously laughing and crying at his nurse's buttons popping off her dress from hugging him too hard when David's loathsome stepfather sends him away to school against the wishes of his broken and dying mother. This story further accounts David's tragedies, one after another, but never in a self-pitying or self-exalting tone. On the contrary, through all the sad circumstances and heartbreaks, the narrator continually keeps his spirit light and his eyes uplifted. Some critics claim this hopeful optimism makes the "autobiography" of David Copperfield unrealistic, but I think it accounts for something worth praising: joy in the midst of sorrow. The narrator, in hindsight, sees that all worked together for good in his life, and thus he doesn't have to soak the despairing times of which he writes with even more doom and gloom.

This light-hearted and joyful outlook speaks to me, as of course this book has to many others, in its innocence and good-humor. The idea that even hard times work together for a person's good is a very Christian concept, and that is captured in this novel, along with self-sacrificing love and redemption. I'm pretty sure Dickens was not a Christian, and I'm pretty sure that that's why this "child-like" love of truth and beauty is not found in his darker later novels, which is very tragic indeed. Dickens considered David Copperfield his favorite work, and I can see why. This beautiful coming-of-age story, or bildungsroman, portrays the intellectual, social, and moral growth of a man, who learns to love prudently and fervently, to care and work for the best in others, and live life with passion. As David (or, better yet, Dickens) states, "whatever I have tried to do in life, I have tried with all my heart to do well; that whatever I have devoted myself to, I have devoted myself to completely; that, in great aims and in small, I have always been thoroughly in earnest" (507). May this be truly said of all of us. :)

Ahhh Wheat, How I've Missed You!!!

2009-10-17T21:34:00.003-05:00

Celebration! The six week trial diet is over; I have conquered my will and stomach's desires long enough: it's time to enter gluten back into the diet! The interesting thing to me over the last few weeks (when the GF & DF diet was to be really taking effect), my energy level has been low. Really low. Right when I was supposed to be feeling better than ever, I was constantly so tired and energy-deprived that it hurt. My synopsis: my body needs brain food (BREAD!!!)

We decided that dairy's a lot easier to avoid (or at least limit), so I had my first pizza pie in a little over a month last night! I really missed pizza, especially because my diet didn't keep Chris from partaking. The funny thing is, when eating it, finally, I couldn't help thinking, "What was the big fuss over? This isn't THAT great." I know those are pretty much blasphemous words to Chris, but the grease-bomb wasn't worth the stomach ache later that night through the next morning. I felt like Michael Scott when he downed the fettuchine and then ran the Rabies 5k.

So I might have to pass when he wants to order pizza again.

Today I didn't have any glutenish things, I guess feeling that I should ease it in, and I guess because I still have a bunch of rice cakes and other GF things lying around waiting to be scarfed. And boy, did I scarf them! I think doing all kinds of things and being at home, alone, around all kinds of foods beconing me is not a good combination with not ever eating a full, sit-down meal. Hmmm.

I did come up with a new (for me at least) creation, involving slicing up a potato (I did both regular and sweet), spraying a cookie sheet with Pam olive oil, sprinking the potato slices with salt and pepper, and baking for about 30 min. My version of sweet potato fries! Yum!!!

So apparently this is the end of my diet, and though it is disappointing in the fact that it did not help me, it crossed out gluten and/or dairy as the cause of my chronic muscle tightness (back to the drawing board there), and it benefitted me in other ways as well. An exercise in self-control is always a good thing, and this was as close to fasting that I've ever come. It helped me release food as my idol by first showing me that it has become one (at bare minimum because I think about food constantly), and I had to release my control from it in many situations (esp. with other people). Looking back at my hopeful outcomes, my complexion, sadly, only got worse, but I did lose a few pounds, that I will hopefully keep off by keeping the ice cream away! So this exercise wasn't a total disaster!

As for the near future, I'll continue with soy instead of dairy milk and other things, but I'm not going to pick cheese of things,pull chocolate chips out of cookies, or anything freakish like that. I'll minimize my dairy intake, not do away with it. And I'll try to limit my gluten, instead of basing every meal on my bready-carbs. I am going to have a big heaping bowl of cereal (the thought fills me with so much joy!) tomorrow, but I'll try to have more rice/potato options and less hamberger helper/pizza - I'll leave those to Chris!

So, farewell, my gluten-free blog, for apparently God made wheat for me to enjoy! :)

One week to go!!!

2009-10-11T19:45:00.003-05:00

As of today, I've completed 5 weeks of the 6 week trial, and am feeling a mixture of encouragement and melancholy over this whole deal. Both ends of the emotional spectrum jointly because I feel absolutely no different now from one month ago. I'm bummed because for goodness-sake, I went through all this crap for nothing?!? Yet thankful because who would want to live her whole life without some of the best things this world has to offer? :)

Since I've already diagnosed myself as having no problems with either gluten or dairy, it's be extremely tempting to cheat these last few days, well maybe it was only last night. We were over at Chris's 2nd cousin's house, who happens to be a great chef/baker/epicurian/whatever, and calling my name was this pumkin pie with cake in it thing and cool whip on top. The thoughts, "This whole diet's not doing anything for you anyway... What would one little bite do?... You only have one more week left, anyway..." Crowded and controlled my thoughts all evening. It was terrible. And I almost caved. I even picked up a spoon...

But then my knight-in-shining-Northface-armor came to my rescue: "ALI! What the HECK are you thinking?!?! You've made it this far, and you're going to throw it all away NOW?!?"

My wonderful husband has a way of smacking sense into me, so I resisted. Whew... that was a close one.

Other than that, I'm just tired of thinking about food all the time: what am I making for Chris (that he'll eat & that he hasn't already eaten 3 times in the last 3 weeks), do I have enough rice and chicken/beef on hand for when I'm starving upon home-arrival? BLAHHHHHH. Not that I don't think about food all the time anyway, but this is like double the thoughts I'm used to.

Awesome randomness: In our school district, an employee may participate in a heath-screening in order to lower insurance costs. [Score!] Well the screeners aren't exactly RNs, and so a lot of funny things go on there.

My body fat was measured by a little handheld thing at 16%. That's lower than I was in college and like marathon runner level. I'll TAKE it!!!
The lady taking my blood pressure didn't want me to roll up the sleeves of my sweater. Then when the pump broke, she sighed, "Oh well," and wrote down some random numbers: 112/80. I'm thinking a little high for me, but who cares - I guess that evens out the body fat % in my favor.
They didn't tell me not to eat (and I always have a snack right after school - that day an apple with PB), but then they did a glucose count from my blood, which was 82. Apparently this is fairly low if you're fasting, let alone if you ate 45 minutes prior to the exam. I remember taking the blood exam after fasting, and it was like 62, almost hypoglycemic. No wonder when I need food, I need it NOW!!!

Week 4, VivaGirl

2009-10-06T20:47:00.006-05:00

As it's already Tuesday on week 5 of the diet, I guess I must comment on week 4. As of right now, I have less than 2 weeks to go in this 6 weeks of seeming torture, but as I've noted, it hasn't been that bad at all! Soy milk for regular is a trade fine with me, and I am such a bland eater that plain rice and chicken doesn't bother me a bit. The only things I really miss are (of course) real ice cream and real cereal. This week I made the mistake of trying soy ice cream (because it was on sale). BIG mistake. HUGE. I mean, it's okay, but that Rice Dream stuff is worth every penny of its outrageous $4.99. As for the breakfast foods, oatmeal doesn't take too much longer to make (since I also always make eggs), but the extra effort at 5:20 is not a welcome experience most of the time. Organice rice millet cereal is fine, especially when covered in a fruit entourage of bananas, strawberries, and blueberries.

I don't know if I wrote on this last time, but a loaf of GF bread (mind, it is less than half the size of a normal loaf) costs a whopping $6! If I had to remain on the GF diet, I would most likely resort to baking my own bread, which demonstrates how desperate I'd be to save a few bucks per week.

Having family in town this past weekend frightened me a little, dietarily, anyway, but there were no glitches! Steak & potatoes, BBQ (which is kind of weird without the accustomed Texas toast), and lame-O salad at our favorite pizza place. Eh well, it's just weird having to be so conscious about where we're eating and what I'm allowed to eat there.

Observations: My muscles are feeling pretty good, though there are many veriables interupting the controlledness of this experience: I'm receiving chiropractic care (with pretty much physical therapy wrapped in, since I'm doing stretches/exercises each day), I've actually been able to exercise a bit (walking, jogging, stair-stepping), and I've received and am wearing orthodics (which are supposed to help everything). As far as my energy goes, I've been pretty tired, but I've been burning the candle at both ends too. I'm not complaining about being busy like every other human being, but my body requires a lot of sleep, and I have self-diagnosed a phobia of sleepiness. If I were allotted a superhero power (I've actually thought of this before), I would opt for sleepless energy. Seriously, imagine how much you'd be able to do if you had perfect energy, 24/7, and never needed sleep. I'll name my alter ego "VivaGirl" since viva means life or lively. I would have changed the world by now, as apparently it's only the necessary evil of slumber that's stalling my success. And with that, I think it's time for me to hit the sack.

Tolstoy on Free Will

2009-09-30T20:42:00.000-05:00

I had a great conversation with a colleague and fellow Christian today on the idea of free will. He, being a closet-Calvinist (what I call all Christians who do not yet realize that they are Calvinists), reasoned, as most pre-Calvinists do, that he chose God, and must have chosen God, for forced love is not love at all. Therefore, his un-forced love for God must mean his will is free to choose heaven or hell. There were more good points to his argument, but that was the thrust of it.

I completely agree that all people have the responsibility to choose whom they serve, just as it is our responsibility to keep all of God’s commandments. However, the built-in problem is that we are sinners unable to follow all God’s commandments, unable to choose what is good. I agree that I chose (and choose everyday) to follow Christ, but my question is: What made me choose Christ?

That’s where we get to the heart of the free will argument: no will is truly free. Every single choice I make, from the clothes I wear to the food I eat, I chose because of some other factor beside myself. Example: I wore a skirt today because I must look professional for my job, the weather is nice outside, I bought the skirt for ½ price, knee-length A-line skirts are in style (tho’ when are they not?), it looks good on me, it goes with the shirt color I feel like wearing, etc…… And the same list of prescripters could be given for the shirts I wore, the food I ate, and list goes on. For every decision I make.

Leo Tolstoy, in his masterpiece, War and Peace, (which I finished, finally, a week ago, yay!) discusses at length the notion of free will, though not from a theological standpoint (he makes that clear in the epilogue), but solely an historical one. He uses the same line of reasoning I demonstrated above, though much more pointedly, that though people FEEL that they are free to choose whatever they wish, their choices are actually governed by countless outside agents. His main analogy is of a person dropping his hand to his side, as if saying, ‘See, I just chose to do that of my own free will.’ Tolstoy argues that you dropped it in the direction you did because it was free of obstacles that might hurt your arm, because that way was most comfortable to you, and because you don’t have a prior arm injury that would’ve prompted you to otherwise drop your other arm, foot, or anything else. And let’s not forget that fantastic law that you’re depending on to make your “choice”: gravity.

I’m pretty sure that this line of reasoning is what made his novel so controversial: he quite adamantly downplays Napoleon’s impact on his own reign, going so far to say that Napoleon wasn’t that great of a general/emperor/war expert/whatever, but that really he was just in the right place at the right time and the people under him would surely have done the same things no matter who was leading. Quite a scandalous notion, having written this about a generation after Napoleon’s career, but the ideas are very logical, in that by the time the one general (the farthest removed person from the battlefields) hears of what is going on with the millions on the various battlefields, synthesizes the various reports, figures out a plan of action, and orders it of the various messengers who then take it back to the various battlefields to the millions, the time would have already passed for the necessary decision and Napoleon’s decrees would be moot. So therefore Napoleon really didn’t lead his troops when they were in battle; he was just an observer, being (as Tolstoy puts it) a pawn of fate or God.

If even the greatest (or the perceivably greatest) among us do not have a truly free will, then how much less do we normal people have one. The last words of his last epilogue frame the reason why people invented – and why they cannot let go of – the notion of free will: we trust our feelings more than our reason. Reason clearly tells us that every decision we make has a cause; it’s not just generated within us at random. Likewise, the Bible clearly shows God to be a God who chooses, from Jacob (“… whom I loved and Essau I hated…”) to Israel (“Mine elect” to Christ (“chosen before the foundations of the world” as the way to salvation) to each Christian. The theological idea of free will was invented long after the scriptures were written and considered heresy by the Christian Church many many times. And yet, for some reason, people would rather hold firm to an extrascriptural philosophy that elevates man and belittles God, and quite frankly all but claims salvation to be a work of man. Why do people do this? Because it fits with their feelings.

Tolstoy compares this to Copernicus’s discovery that the Earth moves around the still Sun. People refused to accept this because “the difficulty of recognizing the motion of the earth lay in abandoning the immediate sensation of the earth’s fixity and the motion of the planets, so in history [and theology] the difficulty of recognizing the subjection of personality to the laws of space, time, and cause, lies in renouncing the direct feeling of the independence of one’s own personality. But as in astronomy the new view said: ‘It is true that we do not feel the movement of the earth, but by admitting its immobility we arrive at absurdity, while by admitting its motion (which we do not feel) we arrive at laws,’ so also in history the new view says: ‘It is true that we are not conscious of our dependence, but by admitting our freewill we arrive at absurdity, while by admitting our dependence on the external world, on time, and on cause [and in theology, the work of the Holy Spirit], we arrive at laws.’

“In the first case it was necessary to renounce the consciousness of an unreal immovility in sace and to recognize a motion we did not feel; in the present case it is similarly necessary to renounce a freedom that does not exist, and to recognize a dependence of which we are not conscious” (War and Peace, 1306).

Don’t trust your feelings, for they often tell you what you want to be so, where as your reason, through meditation on scripture, will tell you what God wills to be so.

Week 3: No turning back now... halfway there!!!

2009-09-26T20:37:00.002-05:00

Until I logged onto the blog, I seriously thought I had completed week 4... and now I'm a little perturbed. :( If I could only fast-forward to the Shake's Frozen Custard at the end of this long, dark tunnel... Oh well.

Week 3 did have some surprising highlights: I wore a pair of capris Mom had bought me that had never fit loose enough to wear in public! I felt like sharing that info with everyone I saw at the high school girls JV golf tournament, Tuesday, but realized that would be vain, braggy, and weirdly irrelevant. So I'm sharing with you now! I confirmed when I stepped onto the scale at the gym today that I'm 4 lbs lighter than 3 weeks ago. Note (more to myself than you): I'm not in this to lose weight; that's just a side-effect of not eating ice cream every night. To tell you the truth, I thought I'd lose more just from that life-style change. Maybe all the RIce Cream and rice milk chocolate bars are holding me back from skinny jeans. Which is a fine trade-off, if you ask me.

Being such a creature of habit, I noticed today how this really isn't too hard, now that I've somewhat got the hang of it. On Sunday, I boil eggs for my lunch salads, I boil rice for dinner throughout the week, and brown turkey for the turkey/rice/black beans/salsa dish. I have chicken in the freezer that only takes 25 min to bake, sweet potatos, fruits, asparagus, snacks (rice cakes w/PB & honey are my fave), and I'm good to go! Planning and cooking for Chris as well gets a bit tricky for me, especially since we've been on different schedules lately. Thankfully, he's laid back and understanding, though I'll have to coax him into making his own Hamberger Helper every once in awhile!

When I returned from Whole Foods today and glanced over the receipt, I noticed (since there was no price tag) that the GF bread is $6 a loaf! Yikes! And this bread is about 1/2 to maybe 2/3 the size of normal bread. For now, I keep a loaf and sliced turkey in my fridge at school (beats the tar out of making a lunch every day!), along with salad (to supplement for the mini-ness of the GF sandwich), but that might have to change due to the recession and all. Just kidding, my overall stinginess.

I also noticed that I really do miss ice cream. Bad. I may have mentioned this before, but this emotional addiction is a tough habit to break. I wonder how soy milk pudding is??? I had (until this moment) forgotten that I have GF cookie mix. I'll have to whip that up tomorrow and try'er out.

Subjective Outcome Measurement: this week, I've felt a little below average on the energy scale. Granted, there's been a lot going on: subs to prepare for, golf tournaments, crazy kids, etc., but the main thing that's weird is my energy while working out has been pretty low. Doing the stairmaster (a.k.a, the gauntlet) has been much harder than usual, forcing me to lower the level at which I climb (humiliating, even if I am the only one who sees me doing it). This morning, after 20 minutes at a fairly low level, I got side stitches and had to demote myself to the treadmill. Ouch. Where I walked for 10 minutes and then ran till I needed to stop. Five. Minutes. Later. Double ouch. Definitely going to inform the doc of this. Clearly ice cream feeds my muscles the nutrients they need to perform at their peak.

Week 2 Complete and Waiver-Free

2009-09-19T19:27:00.003-05:00

Week 2 of my gluten and dairy free diet is almost over, which leaves me with 4 weeks to go. I've somewhat figured out my eating ruitine, which has naturally morphed into a healthy 5 small meals per day. My snacks have gotten bigger (rice cake with PB, apple with PB, celery with PB, or Cliff Bar), and my meals (I'm guessing anyway) a bit smaller. I've concocted a new staple: rice, ground turkey, and salsa, that I will add some kidney or black beans to next time. Yum. Other than that and the Barnezy Tacos I made tonight, I'm A-okay with blandness: chicken and rice.

I tried some soy protein power in a fruit smoothie the other day, which was disgusting, but Chris informed me that the kiwi I added or the rice milk was more likely the culprit, so I'll try again tomorrow for lunch.

The energy level is returning and so are the spirits; Dr. Iodice told me I should start really feeling changes during week 3, so hopefully this week will be big for me! The traps and hip flexors have still been really tight, but that's most likely due to shrugging while I sleep. I think it's been better the last few days, since we've added a huge wedge-pillow under my knees.

As far as temptations to cheat go, I'm not going to lie: I've had a few. I keep Little Debbie snacks in my class (for reward jar Fridays), and yesterday that Nutty Bar called out to me. I'm proud to say that I resisted its little chocopeanutbuttery voice. And tonight while Chris and I were walking, we passed by Sarpino's Pizza... ooohhhh pizza. How I miss you! I never thought I'd say this, but I'd rather give up dairy than gluten. Cutting out my beloved ice cream is probably the best change I could ever make for my heath. And besides, I've found many chocolaty substitutes! I've already mentioned Rice Dream ice cream, but today at Whole Foods, I found a rice milk chocolate bar on sale for 79 cents. After eating a bite (and then a few more!), I'm heading back tomorrow to buy out their stock! Tastes just like Dove milk chocolate. :)

There's only one more full week of golf, and then hopefully I can get back to the gym... or even more hopefully, the running trail (as my new in soles should be coming in soon!). I weighed myself this afternoon at the gym, and though I'm not in this to lose weight, and though I'm not sure how accurate the gym scale is or how good it is to weigh in the afternoon, I weighed 3 pounds less than the day I began the diet. My jeans fit the same (which is the only way I normally gage weight), but my tummy stays about the same size throughout the day (whereas it formerly would bloat). So that's nice. Other changes: the first week or so, my complexion actually worsened, which was very frustrating, but now it's getting better. I'm not sure if that was due to the increase of estrogen in all the soy I'm intaking now. Interesting.

This week's going to fly also, with 2 golf tournaments and 3 dr appointments, so unless I briefly blog about War and Peace (which I'm hopefully finishing tonight!!!), I'll recap the week next weekend in between laundry loads! :)

One Week Down, Five to Go...

2009-09-13T21:17:00.003-05:00

So it's Sunday, and that means I've survived one week sans-gluten and dairy. Quite an accomplishment, if you know me even somewhat. You know, I think I can do this thing! Mom and I played in a golf scramble, and together we fired a 7 under! I'm tellin ya, we were pretty impressed with ourselves! I'm now wishing I would've gone to Dr. Iodice about 5 years ago, my body felt so good on the course, but I guess I'd be on the pro tour or something instead of teaching kids, which has far more significance; so I take it back I guess.

The OSU football game was depressing enough, but the brisket, chicken, rice, chips, and salsa were fantastic; though the free ice cream snacks were tantalizing. I did try the new vitamin water with 10 calories. Blahhhhh. I remember that vitamin water itself didn't have enough flavor for me (why everyone doesn't just drink Propel baffles me). My energy level was pretty low for the most part, though I'm not sure how much of that can be attributed to the 1500 miles I've driven in the last 3 days and how much of that's due to the diet.

At Whole Foods tonight, I picked up so GF cereal!!! We'll see how it works out; I still got some oatmeal, as that's working pretty well for me now.

The hardest facet of this challenge seems to be all the planning that goes into meals where Chris is concerned. Do I make the GF stuff for him to (depleting all my GF resources)? Or do I make 2 seperate meals (who wants to do that?)? I made a big o'pot of rice tonight and baked chicken strips (non-breaded), but we ate almost all the chicken, so that'll have to be a per-nightly thing I guess. I've also got some sweet and regular potatoes, with the inevitable question: what the heck am I supposed to put on a potato if I can't eat dairy?!? I'll ask the doc that tomorrow. Also thinking I can brown hamberger meat and put it on top of the rice for me and make hamberger helper for Chris? Is that lame??

The really frustrating thing for me right now is that I haven't been able to exercise at all since this started. With teaching, golf practices and meets, and 3 dr. appt's per week, I'm not sure how much better my body's going to feel if I'm not working out. hmmm...

In other (more 6ish) news, I listened to 3 REALLY good Mark Dever sermons on Luke 12, 13, & 14, and am thus encouraged to love my wonderful Savior much more ardently and to love my brothers and sisters much more actively. My goal is to encourage and pray more fervently for others, encouraging them to seek Christ with everything.

Day 4: Things are looking up!

2009-09-10T09:51:00.002-05:00

God answered my prayer from day 3 and day 4 was a lot better! I slabbed some peanut butter on a rice cake thingie for my planning period snack and added some boiled egg to the salad with crab meat for lunch. Much better. Also, I think the dark chocolate Chris and I picked up at the store last night helped curb my craving (and keep my attitude up) for the afternoon.

Golf practice was rained out, so I munched on some apple slices with PB before going to the chiro. The exercises he's giving me are training my core/scapulas/shoulders/hips to function as they should, utilizing stabilizer muscles instead of straining weaker muscles (which is apparently what my body has been doing to itself).

Upon leaving the chiro office, we ate at Chipotle (I've actually come to enjoy the chicken burrito bol) and drove down to Tulsa. We're attending a memorial service for Chris's uncle who is now in the presence of the Lord due to cancer. It'll be great to spend time with family and celebrate his life and what God did for him.

Being the OCD person I am about food, I brought an entire bag filled with GF snacks in case the catered lunch is sandwiches or something of the sort. After the memorial, we're headed back to KC. Chris has his board exams Friday and Saturday; I'm teaching school Friday, and then driving back down to Oklahoma to spend the weekend with my family: playing in a golf tourney that benefits a college ministry and going to the OSU/Houston football game. The football game is the only thing that concerns me - I hope they don't confiscate all the Cliff Bars I try to smuggle in!

Day 3: Hunger Pangs of Death

2009-09-08T21:45:00.000-05:00

Today my tank was on low. I guess that teaching a full day takes a bit more out of me than a Labor Day off, and my body didn’t like the different (or lacking) energy source. Anyway, I’m praying that it doesn’t get worse than this, or else I’m going to have to figure out ways to keep my stomach from eating itself. My oatmeal and eggs carried me until about 10, when my tummy started to squeal out of desperation. I usually eat a few almonds and sip some tea on my plan, but today I scarfed a handful and another fistful of GF (gluten-free) crackers as well, probably simultaneously.

Lunch was probably my biggest mistake of the day. I meant to bring apple and celery slices to dip in peanut butter, but forgot them, so all I had was my wimpy salad with some crab meat. Oh yes, and some more GF crackers. My crustacean friend wasn’t too appetizing, and I didn’t get my usual chocolate bite, so my kids saw me in rare form today. I think I snapped at one unsuspecting (though totally deserving) little twerp for rocking in my seat, then leaning over my podium, then sitting on his desk and rocking it back and forth. Not to mention that he must weigh 180. I don’t even know what I threatened him. But I then apologized, explaining that I hadn’t had chocolate in 3 days.

On the way to the golf course, I began stuffing all I could down my throat, but since all I had were GF crackers and rice cakes, that didn’t amount to much. My golfers figured out the weird taste of the GF crackers: burnt popcorn. Bingo. The munching continued throughout the round – I was fiercely hungry!

When I finally got home to the 2nd-time’s-a-charm rice spaghetti, I felt a little better, though tired. However, I’m becoming quite fond of the Rice Dream ice cream stuff. Wish I could haul that sweet chocolaty goodness with me all the time!

When I told the chiro at tonight’s appointment about my troubles, I think he dismissed me as an addict who’s undergoing necessary cleansing. I think he’s right…

Day 2: The Blues Strike

2009-09-07T21:50:00.000-05:00

Today was a bit harder. I don’t know if the lack of serotonin-producing foods I’m used to is playing with my emotions or if other stresses are more to blame, but this afternoon I was in a pretty bad mood for me. I’d describe it as being on edge, on the verge of crying, what most of us women would call PMS symptoms (the emotional ones, anyway). Weird, and needless to say, I’m ready for this feeling to be over.

After talking to my mom, it could be the lack of control I’m feeling over my diet. Chris, his friend Alan, and I didn’t eat lunch till 2:30, because we were shooting a video of exercises and techniques for my chiropractor’s website. We went to Chipotle, where the chicken burrito bol is lacking bread, though Chipotle has some spice that always makes my stomach feel funky. Then we went over to a friend’s house for a cookout, and I felt kind of rude asking to see labels of all the foods they had (I’m still not sure what all is in things). Steak, salad (I had to pick out the feta cheese!), apples, grapes, and almonds were great, but then I started to feel anxious about getting home.

The day before going back to school always riles me up; I guess it’s the feeling of being unprepared. I got a lot of grading done this weekend, and have the next two weeks planned out, so the feeling is a bit absurd, but nonetheless it’s always there. Maybe someday, when I’m a seasoned teacher, it’ll go away? Hope so?

Tomorrow, I have FCA at 7 a.m., and I’m bringing the donuts… I can’t imagine rice-donuts. That’s got to be the grossest thing ever! Then after school my girls have a golf meet at the local par-3. And then I have a dr. appt. Busy day! Lord, help my attitude to be glorifying to you!

Day 1: Rice Cream, Anyone?

2009-09-06T21:29:00.000-05:00

So far, so good! The scrambled eggs and organic oatmeal with strawberries, bananas, blueberries, and cinnamon on top kept me full all through church, Sunday school (& teaching those 3rd graders sure does take it out of you!), and grading some papers afterwards. My decently-sized salad with 2 boiled eggs was nothing to write home about and had to be backed up with a midafternoon banana.

For dinner I made regular spaghetti for Chris, and boiled some rice spaghetti for myself… ick. Maybe, if absolutely necessary, I could get used to the weird, soupy texture of it, but I’d be happy to get some alternative solutions.

The highlight of the food day was the Rice Dream Chocolate Caramel Chai (non-dairy ice cream). Definitely worth the $4 pint, since I don’t need much to get my chocolate fix. I think I’ll get some Silk chocolate milk tomorrow for when I finish my tiny little pint of chocolate gold.

I received some encouragement from Chris’s study partner, a collegiate trackster, who said that his coach wouldn’t let them drink dairy. Apparently I’ll run like the wind blows when I get all the cow out of my system. Makes sense, seeing as cows aren’t the fastest mammal. I went for a speed walk tonight, and whew, I was cruising! Now I’m off to some speed reading!

Last Day of Comfort Food…

2009-09-05T22:06:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow I begin my quest toward health, so I ate my last bowl of cereal, my last piece of bread, my last slices of pizza, and my last bowl of ice cream for 6 weeks (or maybe more if this does the trick). And I enjoyed every bite of each.

At Sams I stocked up on salad, fruit, asparagus, chicken, and beef, and I even found some gluten-free crackers. Tried them… hmm… different? And this is gross, but they made me burp, and I hope that doesn’t happen again.

Who knew that Whole Foods was a gluten-free paradise??? I got organic oats for breakfast (apparently Quaker Oats has some wheat in it), soy milk (of course), dairy-free ice cream, organic produce, and gluten-free spaghetti and cookie mix!!! Crazy things they come up with these days! It’s like I’m not even going to miss anything! Well, I wouldn’t go that far.

Today, Chris gave me the whole “If you mess up once, don’t just throw in the towel” speech that I’m sure most dieters need. However, I think I’ll be able to manage, especially since there are so many alternatives out there.

Things I’m looking forward to:

Feeling better – duh
Better complexion – I’m pretty sure the chocolate = zits thing is an old wives’ tale, but there’s probably some truth to it.
The (hopefully) upped energy and improved athletic performance – since I’ve been aching to improve my 40 time.
Losing a few pounds – no ice cream every night should do that by itself!

Gluten- & Dairy-Free Ali Begins Sunday...

2009-09-03T21:39:00.002-05:00

My favorite food is ice cream. Extravagantly chocolate ice cream. And to be perfectly specific: chocolate ice cream with brownie, cookie dough, peanut butter, fudge, and caramel. But all that’s about to go. In fact, everything with milk in it is about to go. And if that’s not completely terror-striking, everything containing gluten (wheat) is going out with it.

No, I’m not trying to lose weight, though the thought of that byproduct is helping to ease the pain a bit. I’ve been seeing an amazing chiropractor, Dr. Kirk Iodice, who is solving all my body’s ailments through his House-esque differential diagnoses of anatomical and physiological motion exams. After a few weeks of observing and coming to the bottom of my many, many problems, he wants to run an experiment at the chemical level: my diet.

My chronic stiff neck, tight hips and traps, and other various ailments have many structural issues behind them, but I may also have a minor allergic (of sorts) reaction to gluten and/or dairy. When Dr. Iodice prescribed the regimen sans all the foods I basically love for 6 weeks, with no hesitation I informed him that I hated his guts. I love the cereal I eat every morning (and sometimes for dinner), I am known for my religious sandwich-making ceremony at lunch, and I never make pasta without garlic bread. Not to mention the ice cream… nightly.

So I think (this is after I’ve had time to cool off and change my attitude) that this might be a good thing. In the last month, I’ve figured out that I’m not so much competitive as self-motivated, and this is a chance for me to test that. Because it will be a test that requires all my strength of mind to overpower the addictions that I’ve created to the all-powerful force of chocolate.

Dr. Iodice gave me a few days to prepare myself mentally – mostly because I do all my grocery shopping on the weekend – so this Saturday I’m stocking up on fruits, veggies, lean meats, soy milk, and all the gluten-free products resembling bread that I can find.

Sunday begins my quest. I’ve decided to blog my way through the pain, so you can enjoy the agony of ‘health’ and hold me accountable. What kind of Ali will emerge from this milky, bready grave I’d been digging for my body? Stay posted to find out!

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom

2009-07-27T14:23:00.001-05:00

King Soloman, the wisest man who ever lived, stated, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” I usually pass over this statement with affirmation but little thought, but something caused me to ponder over it a while today: that is completely the opposite of how most people today treat God. I remember when the “Jesus is my homeboy” shirts came out and was appauled that this style followed the doctrine that has been harped on from too many a-pulpit for the last umpteen years: the familiarity (sans-holiness) of God. We are encouraged not to fear God, but quite the opposite, really; namely the errantly overused saying that He accepts me “just as/where I am.” We make up a false god who is all about us and doesn’t care what we think about Him, when clearly the God of The Bible requires that we desire Him above everything (even ourselves).

Because I think this heresy has trickled down into our family practices – and thus giving me students who have no concept or fear of authority – I often analogize this by God calling Himself our Father. I have a great dad. Probably the best. I respect him, love him, try my best to obey him, seek his council, and love to spend time with him. I know that everything he does, he has my best interest in mind. Do I fear him? Heck, yes, I do! (More so when I was under his roof, of course, but that’s the vantage point from which I’m drawing this analogy.) Why do I fear my dad if I know he loves me? My dad wants the best for me, demands my very best, and has the power and authority to punish me when I don’t do what is right. When I don’t give my best or make a poor decision, he responds with anger and consequences. Because he loves me.

Why do people buck at authority? Because they think they know better than the authority does, I suppose. But though you may be more intelligent than government officials, administration, or even your own parents, do you have the audacity to say you have more intelligence that the God who invented the idea of intellect? Even more so than my human father, our heavenly Father demands perfection and has justice on His side to eternally punish those who aren’t perfect. That’s pretty fearsome. And it’s not until one understands the righteousness God demands and the justice He pours out on all who fall short, that a person can then understand God Himself becoming one of us and undergoing that punishment on our behalf. That is why the fear of the Lord is the BEGINNING of wisdom; it is the beginning of the Gospel of Good News in Jesus Christ, our Savior.

Camping Trip to Clinton Lake

2009-07-27T10:57:00.003-05:00

Clinton State Park is a great park for KS. Many of the sites are pretty much in open fields, but many are tucked into wooded areas. There are many clean bathrooms and showers. The lake is bigger than I expected, and this park would be awesome for a Sea Doo or boat get away. :)

This was Chris's and my first time camping together without anyone else, so as expected, we encountered some problems:
1. Thanks to the faithful GPS and the wrong address selection (who knew there'd be 4 "Clinton State Park"s?), we got lost on the way there and ended up on the opposite side of the lake, so it took about an hour extra to get there Fri night.
2. I didn't bring charcoal, thinking we'd gather firewood for our brats and smores (I'm the more old-fashioned type of camper), but this idea terrified Chris and we had to go to the store to get charcoal and lighter fluid.
3. The worst happening was the air mattress going flat. We were in Chris's Avalanche tent, and didn't bring our sleeping bags (or their air mattresses), and the truck bed is hard and has ridges. Needless to say, we didn't sleep much at all. I recall tossing and turning, my butt finally hitting the floor, thinking 'Surely it's almost morning as I've woken up about 30 times,' and then looking at my watch: "1 A.M! You've GOT to be kidding me!"
4. We had to leave at 7:30 to go pick up a chair that Chris wanted to buy (off Craigs List) from a guy in Topeka. We got a great Zero Gravity chair (worth $1300) for $350. It was pretty much a steal, so worth it, but we didn't get to hike any of the park's many trails like we had originally planned for that morning.

I'm thinking it was good for us to experience the kinks of our first camping experience alone together, so we'll be more prepared next time!

Notes from Estes Park #1

2009-07-11T08:01:00.007-05:00

We arrived in Estes Park, CO, yesterday, and we logged 6.5 hiking miles within the first few hours of arriving. I was not in the right mindframe for it (not expecting to do anything that intense the first day), but Wild Basin is a beautiful, water-filled hike. It wasn't too steep, though there were some pretty good parts a bit off the trail. We climbed up above Ouzel Falls, where we caught a nice view of Longs Peak and felled trees (not by man, of course, but we couldn't figure out if by disease, fire, avalanche, or whatever else). I'm feeling pretty good the morning after, and I'm thankful that the soreness of the steriod shot in my foot is wearing off and it feels great today! I'm sure Dad is hurting today, though.

The best part about Griffin Family Vacations is the mass amounts of food we bring but will most likely never eat. Mom, Joy, and I each brought about 10 gallons of food items, from granola to trail mix to cereal to candy bars (in case I can't find a more ice creamy way to satisfy my chocolate fix). In Denver, we ate at Proto's Pizza, a stone's throw from REI outdoor store, and it was AMAZING! After our hike last night, we dined at The Stone Inn in Estes, which has incredible buffalo burgers and sweet potato fries. YUM! Then Joy, Asher, and I got some coffee at Kind. Their Kind Shake (ice cream, expresso, and chocolate - my favorite things) is unbelievable! Needless to say that all the hiking I'm doing on this trip is just so I can eat like a maniac!

Joy and I have decided that for the rest of our lives we are going to make it a priority to spend a week in Estes Park every year. This place is so magnetically magnificent. It doesn't have the curb appeal of the Tetons of Jackson Hole, WY (the most breathtaking site in the US in my opinion), but it has something about it that makes it an adventurer's second home. Someone asked me earlier this summer why I wouldn't want to visit another part of CO since I've been to Estes the last two years, and I responded, why would I want to go anywhere else? The best of CO is here.

Archetypal Wonderings

2009-06-28T21:21:00.005-05:00

The other day, I was talking with a friend who showed me a short film he was in, where a girl dreams that he overcomes many obstacles in quest for her. I made the observation that it’s true: all girls want to be rescued. Each woman wants a man to be willing to fight a battle for her, pursue her at any cost to him, slay the dragon, climb the tower, and rescue her from the evil witch’s spell. All those Disney movies didn’t make bank for nothing. The same storyline that we find over and over in fairytales, legends, and folklore across the globe is written on our hearts for a reason. It’s the gospel.

I first heard the word “archetype” when I was assigned as a summer project for my preAP 10th grade English class a paper on the archetypes in The Lord of the Rings’s prequel, The Hobbit, and in the Star Wars trilogy. My research of the assignment’s prompt led me to the Latin roots: arch, meaning ‘first’, and typ, meaning ‘print’, or of course, ‘kind’. So an archetype is the first of its kind, or really, a model for a reoccurring character-type, symbol, situation, etc. For example, in Star Wars, Darth Vader is an archetypal Satan (devil/evil) character, the light saber is an archetypal symbol of magic/knowledge/power, and Luke goes on an archetypal quest of self-discovery while in pursuit of The Force. You get the idea.

It has since intrigued me that most – arguably all – archetypes are not confined to culture, but span across the globe, which has caused many scholars to inquire of the human collective conscious, or subconscious if you’re Freud. Why do we all have these same ideas of truth, beauty, love, fulfillment, etc? I would argue that the best archetypes are written on our hearts because they are a portrait of the gospel.

The ‘plot’, if you will, of the gospel (put in fairytale-ish terms), starts with the King choosing a bride, for His Son (Eph 1:4). As all princess brides should be, she is to be pure, beautiful, and faithful. Of course, it doesn’t take long into the Bible to see that she (we) mess that up, and through evil’s deception, she is placed under a curse and unable to save herself (hence, damsel in distress). Like Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, et al., we are unresponsive, “dead in [our] trespasses and sins” (Eph 2:1). Here’s were the climax of the story comes: our Prince, Jesus Christ, despite our imperfections and even outright rejection of Him, tackles unfathomable obstacles to get to us. He leaves His throne and condescends to humanity, he blamelessly overcomes fleshly sin, and he even defeats the real archetype of evil himself, Satan. But this tale doesn’t end there because He still has to release the curse’s grip on His beloved. He buys back her purity by giving her his own through taking her sin and shame on Himself on the cross, dying the death she is sentenced to, and receiving the wrath of a holy God on Himself. Prince Charming can’t go this far, though, because if he dies, then the princess would have no one to marry; so to die for the princess is noble, but it doesn’t make for a good story. However, Christ our Savior did die, and then rose from the dead because sin and the grave had been conquered; our debt has been paid in full, “tetelestai” (John 19:30). The princess (believer) is saved from evil and free to marry her Prince, sin/death is conquered, and the Prince is exalted.

Sadly, I didn’t make this connection during the conversation, as I rarely do, but thought about it late into the night afterwards. What if the Author and Perfector of our faith planted the archetypal storyline into our “collective subconscious” to preach the beauty of His salvation to our aesthetic psyche?

Your 3 Words

2009-05-22T17:17:00.005-05:00

My last assignment of the year was extremely short: three words. The students were to either summarize the year, describe themselves, or motivate others with no more or less than three words that captured their personalities. It was fun to put this together, and it was a pleasure to teach such a dynamic and sweet group of kids!

Meekness vs. Passion

2009-04-22T09:23:00.002-05:00

“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth” (Matt. 5:5)

I’ve always had a little trouble reconciling the notion of meekness with my inherent and cultivated passionate personality. Dictionary.com defines meekness as being “patient; docile; overly submissive,” which in my mind never fit with the athletic mentality of confidence and zealous exertion. The adage, “Meekness is not weakness, but power under control,” helped the issue, but still didn’t solidify anything for me. But John MacArthur, in his Grace to You study of the beatitudes, shed light on this seeming controversy, and pointed out how one can be both meek and fervent.

The key is the object of your passion. If you are passionate about yourself – your promotion, your recognition, your success – then of course you are not humble, submissive, or gentle, and therefore not meek. If, on the other hand, you are passionate about God and His glory, then you can be humble about yourself and assertive about Him. Jesus was the perfect embodiment of meekness. He did not care how people affronted, ridiculed, beat, abused, or even killed him personally. He took it. However, when people were blaspheming God (i.e., the temple incident in Mark 11), He retaliated with righteous anger. So we are to be passionate, just not about ourselves, but about God’s Holy Name.

This visual helps me so much because I’ve always found it easier to focus on what TO do, rather than what NOT to do. Before, meekness always seemed like negative (don’t promote yourself, don’t desire your own way above others’, etc.), and it does carry that, but it also carries the positive: focus on God, His holiness, and what He deserves. I deserve nothing, which is why I should not promote myself, and also why I should be patient in affliction. He deserves everything, which is why I should be zealous about proclaiming His truth, and give my all to protect the sacredness of His renown.

Meekness is an abandonment of self for an adherence to God.

The Number Game

2009-03-26T21:10:00.003-05:00

The game is to list as many numbers as you can connect to your life. I got to fifty, which took me a while, but it was really fun! Comment about your favorite, and try your own!

1 – is for the “Audience of One” – I live for the Soli Deo Gloria!
2 – is for my incredible two parents, Stan and Candy, who reared me in fear and knowledge of the Lord.
3 – is for the holy Trinity – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
4 – is the average number of meals in a day for me, the fourth being the most important, ice cream.
5 – is for my age when the Lord called me with His irresistible grace to serve Him.
6 – is for the sports I’ve played/coached competitively: Golf, Softball, Basketball, Soccer, Cheerleading, and Track.
7 – is for the pairs of flip-flops I own. Chaco flip-flops are the best things my feet have ever known!!!
8 – is my favorite number. Reason: as a catcher, I loved the 8th Commandment: “Thou shall not steal.”
9 – is for the number of FCA camps I’ve attended: 5 as a camper and 4 as a huddle leader. FCA camps rock!
10 – is for how many minutes it takes me to run a mile. 
11 – is for my anguish if I’m ever up this late on a school night. My bedtime is 10 pm (hey, 5 am comes early!)
12 – is for the months Chris and I knew each other before he proposed You can see the video on youtube (search “Proposals” and we’re #1)!
13 – is for my age when I received my first kiss. How scandalous!
14 – is for how many days Chris and I knew each other before he told me he was going to marry me. Yeah, that’s hard core. Refer to #12: now that seems like a long time to wait, doesn’t it?
15 – is for my age when I decided to pursue golf. I realized that I’m white, short, and slow, so I’d have a better chance on the links than on the court. I’m sure Pat Summit is still mad at me, but she’ll get over it.
16 – is how many hours Chris and I spent climbing and especially descending Longs Peak – elev. 14,259 – in Rocky Mnt. Natl. Park. I’ve never felt so awesome and foolish – awesome when we summated, foolish when I spent the whole way down throwing up.
17 – is my age when I got into my first car accident. I slid on ice with my brother in the car. After it was over, he told me that I swore like a sailor, but I don’t remember a thing. It’s also the year I found out I was a Calvinist in American Literature class. The teacher talked about TULIP, and I thought, “So, isn’t that what the Bible teaches?” ha!
18 – is for the number of holes on a golf course, the age I went away to college, and how those two merged to bring me to Oklahoma State. Playing golf there disciplined me in the art of perseverance, drive, and humility.
19 – is for the birthdays of my mom and brother. I just realized that.
20 – is how many friends I have on facebook. Times 100.
21 – is for my age when I moved into the Pi Phi house and met my roommate and now best girlfriend, Joy.  That’s also the same year I was engaged and married to my best boyfriend, Chris.  What a year!!!
22 – is for Asher's baseball number. After elbow surgery, I'm thankful God had another plan for him.
23 - is for Colossians 3:23 - "Whatever you do, do it with all your heart, as serving the Lord and not men." One of my all time faves.
24 - is for my basketball number, which I chose because 2 x 4 = 8 (ref. #8). I know, but I think I was 12 when I thought that was cool. I also know a lot of other numbers add or multiply up to 8, but 24 was the prettiest.
25 - is for the number of resolutions I made this last New Years.
26 - is for the number of months of blessed and incredibly fun matrimony!
27 - is for the movie, 27 Dresses, of which I am the complete opposite! I'm praying to be a bridesmaid in one wedding in my lifetime!
28 - is for the time I spent every morning in the car on the way to school either: talking to Mom, listening to John MacArthur via bott radio network, or dancing; but I'm always drinking coffee in my Kind Coffee tumbler!
29 - is for the of books in my "to read this summer" list.
30 - is for the minutes of jam session I have in my classroom every morning before my kids enter at 7:20... If they only knew... But let's keep it where they don't.
31 – is for the number of minutes I can spend on a tredmill, stair-stepper, or gauntlet before I lose focus and start thinking about all the other things I could be doing right now. My threshold on the elliptical is about 12.5 minutes. (I don’t like it very much.)
32 – is for how many verses I memorized in Philippians until I gave in. Sorry, Lacey, I’m such a loser! For those of you who might check, that’s to chapter 2, verse 2.
33 - is for the number of times I said "fixin' ta" in front of Zac until he finally broke me of it. Thanks, by the way.
34 - is for Asher's high school football number. A few concussions and a broken foot later, I'm glad he finished that one, and baseball, too.
35 - is for my basketball number in 6th grade (because 3 + 5 = 8, see #8), but then I came to the conclusion that 24 was such a prettier number.
36 - is for the average par in nine holes of golf. Why was the front nine always so much harder for me to break this?
37 – is for the number I throw out there when I mean a lot. For instance, I’ll tell my students, “There were about 37 essays that did not follow instructions. Prepare to be dominated.” Something like that. If I’m giving a made up statistic, it’s 87%, just because it sounds like a randomly overwhelming majority.
38 – is for the number of students in my 5th hour. Okay, there are 28, but I think a few of them have multiple personalities.
39 – is for the year before 40. I cannot imagine being that old. I hope I have my Masters before then.
40 – is for the score I’d usually record on the front nine. I figure that it’s because I don’t like math, and it’d be easy for me to figure out what I’d need to shoot on the back nine to keep it in the 70’s.  That was the biggest load of bologna ever.
41 – is for the number of books on my bookshelf right now. Yep, I just counted.
42 – is 24 backwards. So if you saw me in my basketball jersey through your rearview mirror, this is what you’d see. Well, kind of.
43 – is how many items my husband has bought (or as he says, “Stole”) on ebay this year.
44 – is how many he’s sold. In the black, baby!  haha
45 – is how many minutes I spent running with my parents’ dog, Aggie, the other day. It was the longest run of my life to-date. I’m still amazed!!!
46 – is for the approximate amount of time you’re actually watching an hour-long program. Fourteen minutes of commercials is about thirteen minutes and 59 seconds too long for me.
47 – is the ugliest number in my book. Bleh!!!
48 – is the number of minutes a child in my class gets to behold BRILLIANCE every weekday.
49 – is the age of my grandma. She’s been 49 for what seems like forever, and that’s what I convinced her to put on her license plate: 4EVR49. You rock, Mimi!
50 – is the age of my amazing mother, who will kill me because I just called her “mother,” but probably not since she most likely won’t read this far… Just kidding, Mom. You know you’re the best thing to happen to energy since sugar.

I could think of more, but I doubt you’d want to read it.

6th hour Body Paragraph (copy and paste into Word)

2009-02-08T14:00:00.000-06:00

6th hour Body Paragraph:

There are many such heroes present in The Outsiders. Many boys in this story go beyond their appearance or themselves for others. For example, Johnny Cade is usually a shy, scared boy who is too timid to take action. However, when a group of Socs is attempting to drown Ponyboy, Johnny finds courage to protect his friend by killing Bob, the Soc. When Ponyboy realizes what had happened, Johnny tells Ponyboy that he stabbed Bob because “I had to. They were drowning you, Pony. They might have killed you” (52). Johnny reveals that he acted on behalf of his friend. He knows the consequences of his actions and that it will mean jail for him, or worse, but he makes the decision to sacrifice his own life in order to save his friend. Johnny’s heroic deed must have rubbed off on Ponyboy, because they both later save children from a burning church. As their friend Dally is driving them back from Dairy Queen, the boys notice the burning church, hear the children screaming, and despite the parents’ warning, rush into the burning building. After they rescue the children, one of the grateful parents exclaims that they are “the bravest kids I’ve seen in a long time… are you just professional heroes or something?” (84). The parent is so overwhelmed because the boys came out of nowhere and risked their lives to save complete strangers. Above all, not only did Johnny risk his life, but he ended up giving his life for these kids since he died as a result of the fire. Thus, two of the main characters in this book do not look like typical heroes, but they become heroes when they selflessly consider others’ lives above their own.

5th hour Paragraph (copy and paste into Word)

2009-02-08T13:59:00.001-06:00

5th hour Body Paragraph:

A person should get to know othes instead of stereotyping because judging others is hurtful to both sides. Stereotyping is judging people based on appearance, friends, background, and financial situation, regardless whether the information is true or false. Prejudging someone can hurt their reputation, keep one from getting to know others, and thus keep one from becoming friends with others. In The Outsiders, two feuding groups stereotype each other. The Socs, or stereotype each other. The Socs, or the rich kids, stereotype the Greasers as juvenile delinquents and good-for-nothing hoodlums. The Greasers, on the other hand, stereotype the Socs as spoiled brats who get everything they want and pick fights for fun. Ponyboy, who does not fit his Greaser stereotype, nevertheless judges all Socs as the same throughout the book. His feelings toward the Socs change when he talks to Randy , the “super-Soc,” at the Tasty Freeze. After Randy reveals the problems he and other Socs go through, Ponyboy “remembered Cherry’s voice: Things are rough all over. I knew then what she meant” (117). Ponyboy is recalling an earlier conversation with Cherry Valence, the beautiful, independent Soc. She and Randy teach Ponyboy that even those who seem to have it easy go through rough times. He begins to see that his stereotype of the Socs was wrong. Ponyboy starts to overcome his tendency to stereotyp when he sees Bob’s picture in the yearbook. Up to this point, Ponyboy “had not given Bob much thought,” because Ponyboy only thought of Bob as the horrible Soc who beat up Johnny and who Johnny killed to save him (140). Now, however, he starts to see Bob as a regular guy and even ponders, “What was he like?” (140). This is a maturing step for Ponyboy because he realizes that Bob is not that different from him, and therefore Ponyboy should have given Bob a chance as a person instead of just a Soc. Ponyboy learns that a person is an individual worthy of being known and should not be lumped together with a group.

4th hour Paragraph (copy and paste into Word)

2009-02-08T13:57:00.000-06:00

4th hour Body Paragraph:

In life, everybody has problems, but adversity can make a person stronger because it teaches valuable lessons. Even if someone’s life seems obstacle-free and easy, nobody is perfect even if they seem so on the outside. Each person has his own set of hardships that will either make him or break him. Adversity, or hard times, can help a person learn about himself, about those who care for him, and about what is really important in life. In The Outsiders, Ponyboy learns these lessons through dealing with his hardships and learning about other people’s problems. He learns that even the Socs have trying times, even though it appears they have everything they want. When Ponyboy meets Cherry, the beautiful, intelligent Soc, at the movies, in their conversation, she reveals to him, “We have troubles you’ve never even heard of… Things are rough all over” (34-35). Cherry means that the Socs have different kinds of problems than the Greasers do, but they are just as tough as the Greasers’ problems. Most of the Socs do not seem to respond well to their hardships, but Randy, Bob’s best friend, changes his life for the better because of Bob’s death. Randy decides that fighting is useless and that he wants better than the meaningless life he had in his clique. Not only does Randy learn from his adversity, but Ponyboy does as well. Ponyboy faces tremendous trials in The Outsiders, such as: his parents’ death, gang rivalry, fights, murder, hiding from the law, concussions, dying friends, and others. Because of all he has been through, Ponyboy decides to write his theme about the life of the Greasers because “someone should tell their side of the story, and maybe people would understand” (179). Ponyboy writes his theme to help not only people like himself, but also to help all others too. This shows that his adversity has made him more open, aware, understanding, and loving of other people. He wants to use his experience to help others, which shows incredible strength. Ponyboy and Randy demonstrate how a person can grow through adversity.

1st hour's paragraph (copy entire paragraph and paste into Word)

2009-02-08T13:55:00.001-06:00

1st hour Body Paragraph

A person should get to know others instead of stereotyping them because it is better to understand an individual than to lump them into a group. Stereotyping is assuming that someone is the same as their group and judging another person based on their looks, their clothes, their background, or their financial situation. Stereotyping keeps one from getting to know others and creates many problems. Many such problems from stereotyping occur in The Outsiders. The two feuding groups each stereotype the other, which causes fights, jealousy, and hatred. The Socs, who are the rich kids, judge the Greasers as white trash and good for nothing hoodlums. The Greasers, on the other hand, judge the Socs as snooty, heartless jerks who only care about their social status. Ponyboy, as Greaser who does not fit his stereotype, falls into the trap of thinking that all Socs are the same. Because the Socs jumped Johnny and him, Johnny defended Ponyboy by killing the attacker, and Ponyboy now “hated them as bitterly and contemptuously as Dally Winston hated” (114-115). Ponyboy compares his hatred to Dally because he has made clear in the story that Dally despises the whole world. In this hatred, Ponyboy judges each individual Soc by the group, and thus stereotypes them. When Ponyboy gets to know some Socs as individuals, however, he sees that they are people too and should be considered such. For example, when Randy, the “super-Soc,” tells Ponyboy about his friendship with Bob and Bob’s problems, Ponyboy “remembered Cherry’s voice: Things are rough all over. I knew then what she meant” (117). The Soc, Cherry Valence, told Ponyboy this when she befriended him at the movies. She and Randy help Ponyboy understand that everyone has their own problems, and therefore Ponyboy should not stereotype the Socs’ lives as easy. Because each person’s life is different, Ponyboy learns that he should get to know people and try to understand them instead of labeling them by their group.

The Shanks Produce Patience and Therefore Godliness

2009-01-18T16:51:00.008-06:00

“Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, waiting patiently for it until it receives the early and latter rain. You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.” ~James 5:7-8

Last week, the sermon on James 5:7-11, struck a chord with me as I was thinking about its application in my life. In our Bible study the following Friday, we were sharing life examples of patience – or lack thereof – and my example of endurance came out all wrong (as my stories often do), and so I’d like to take a stab at achieving its point by writing it down…

When I arrived on the OSU campus as a freshman, my golf game was at its all-time high. I made the traveling squad for the first tournament, to my coach’s shock and seeming dismay, and sparing the details, it all went downhill from there. I don’t know if it was pressure or voodoo, but at the NCAA Preview, I caught some strand of shank-itis (if you don't know what a "shank" is, look it up on youtube) that stayed in my system for about a year and a half.

…This is where I lost the group to whom I was telling the story, for they thought that they needed to comfort me in my golf-esteem. It’s okay – I know I was and am a decent golfer who can beat the Joe Shmo who didn’t spend every daylight-filled minute outside of class on the links. So back to my story…

My first year and a half of college was pretty much miserable. Everyday I’d spend hours shanking ball after ball in front of coaches and teammates – which I’ve tried to equivocate to other sports, and it’d be like a runner tripping over his left heel. Every step. And 4-6 hours spent on the course each day adds up to many painful hours. My boyfriend of 2 ½ years and I broke up, and this made me realize that I had virtually no girlfriends. I never felt so alone and miserable.

Here’s where the patience part comes in. Now, one could say that I endured this trial, which I did of course, but I think, upon last week’s sermon, that the defining mark of true godly patience is one’s attitude. During this time, I was a speaker for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA), and, as we’re supposed to, I used my story as my message when speaking to junior high and high school student-athletes. I often focused my message on James 1:2; “… count it all joy when you fall into various trials…” and encouraged them to seek the Lord when things of this world weren’t going the way we wanted them to, and that we must trust that the Lord is using this trial to produce something greater in us. It was good stuff for an 18 year old, but my idea of the “good” that would come out of my trial was that my golf game would come around, I'd win the NCAAs, etc. Hindsight of 5 years shows me just how foolish and narrow-minded my scope was. The idea wasn’t completely selfish: I wanted to be one of those success stories that FCA eats up, and I knew my success could be used to share the gospel of Jesus Christ. Even so, my endurance through shank-ville was motivated by a Joel Osteen-esque, very worldly ambition: God’s allowing this trial in golf, so surely He’s going to bless my golf game if I’m faithful to Him.

The amazing part is that despite my idiocy in what I thought His plan for me was, God did use this time for my good and His glory, and of course golf trophies were not a part of either. Through becoming an English major, I was blessed with the opportunity to study Jonathan Edwards and many other reformed thinkers, which spilled over into what I read and studied on my own time. In the lowest time of my life in many respects, God revealed Himself to me in ineffable ways of such depth that required absolute dependence on and abandon to Him. He wanted me broken. He wanted me to understand that I bring nothing but my sinful self to the cross, and I guess I needed to feel abject humility in a worldly sense before I could fathom it in a spiritual manner.

In many places of scripture we find that it is God who reveals the major truths to our dead hearts and even the smallest tidbits of doctrine, and I think many times that is because it is He alone Who knows what circumstances will prepare our hearts to really absorb each piece of truth about Himself. He knows what will take a belief from an intellectual accent to a heartfelt conviction, and He can procure that encounter. He alone can break a person to the point that they see the beauty and majesty of the doctrines of grace, and though I had always professed their biblical adherence, it was not until I was in my worldly lowest of lows did I realize that the glory of God is more rightly seen from our lowest vantage point.

Hence, patience is a willingness to submit my will for God’s will, to understand and trust that: a) He is omnipotent and has the power to do anything He pleases, b) He is loving and will do what is best for me, and c) what is best for me is to become more like Christ.

Thank you to any who endured this blurb. I pray that you are blessed in your patience with my rambling, and I hope it made some sense!

If you've never actually read...

2008-12-10T08:10:00.005-06:00

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens, man, oh man, you should. I had seen the play and countless versions of the movie, but I had never read the actual book until a few months before I was to teach it to my 8th grade class. And WOW! The stage version can not possibly do justice to the ineffable description of Dickens. As I'm reading with my class, I am unable to keep from stopping the iPod (on which I have the audio track) every paragraph - or sometimes every sentence - to help them unpack the incredible imagery, beautiful language, and depth of themes and motifs.

Being 13- and 14-year olds, my main goal is to give my students a great experience with a classic work of literature, so that they not only remember it fondly, but so that they also are a little more welcoming of works they get to read in the future. And, dare I say, it's going well so far! My classes are about 2 staves (chapters) behind the other English classes in the building; but, as far as I can tell, the kids (even the ones whom I can barely keep awake on normal days) are really enjoying it! They're participating in questions and answers, connecting experiences and dialog to themes, and (most importantly) laughing at my jokes and acting! :)

In short, this month-and-a-half experience with this novel in the classroom has been outstanding, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to teach such an outstandingly written book. This has renewed my educational zeal, for I am reminded why I got into this profession in the first place - my undying love for literature!

Reading vs. TV

2008-09-01T20:05:00.004-05:00

I included the above citation and below letter in my Back to School Night class description for parents.

In an important book on education, Neil Postman notes that “word-centered” people think in a completely different mode from “image-centered” people. He explores the differences between the mental processes involved in reading and those involved in television watching. Reading demands sustained concentration, whereas television promotes a very short attention span. Reading involves (and teaches) logical reasoning, whereas television involves (and teaches) purely emotional responses. Reading promotes continuity, the gradual accumulation of knowledge, and sustained exploration of ideas. Television, on the other hand, fosters fragmentation, anti-intellectualism, and immediate gratification.

Postman does not criticize the content of television – the typical worries about “sex and violence” or the need for quality programming. Rather, the problem is in the properties of the form itself. Language is cognitive, appealing to the mind; images are affective, appealing to the emotions.

Postman goes on to connect the newly emerging dominance of electronic images over words to habits of mind that are having monumental social consequences: to the undermining of authority, the loss of sense of history, hostility to science, pleasure-centeredness, and the emergence of new values based on instant gratification and the need to be continually entertained. The new media direct us “to search for time-compressed experience, short-term relationships, present-oriented accomplishment, simple and immediate solutions. Thus, the teaching of the media curriculum must lead inevitably to a disbelief in long-term planning, in deferred gratification, in the relevance of tradition, and in the need for confronting complexity.” The social acceptance of sexual immorality, the soaring divorce rates, and the pathology of drug abuse may well be related to this pursuit of instant pleasure at all costs.
~from Reading Between the Lines by Gene Edward Vieth, Jr.
(Crossway Books, 1990). pg 21

The most grievous event for a teacher to witness is a student’s refusal to think. Believe it or not, this happens quite often because children today are not used to thinking, only spectating. As your child’s Language Arts teacher, and as one who is concerned with his or her welfare as a human being, I plea with you to encourage and model a reading atmosphere in your home. Most children naturally don’t like to read. Most don’t like vegetables or other beneficial things either. Therefore, please take the necessary steps at home to ensure your child’s mental and emotional health, just as you do their physical health, by increasing their time spent with books and decreasing their time spent in front of the TV!

Memoirs #9: Home Sweet Home

2008-08-05T10:34:00.006-05:00

The last day at Jackson, we posed in front of the sign after dropping off Mom and Dad's luggage at the airport (and successfully weighing mine in at 48 pounds - woo hoo!!!). We had a few hours to burn, so we hit the town one more time and...
indulged in the best burger EVER at Billy's Giant Hamburgers, shopped the stores that Mom and I had missed, and...

rode the Alpine Slide!!! The Alpine Slide is a bobsled/gocart-like ride that twists and turns down a ski-slope. I'm going to put a video of it up soon!

I arrived home to my Beeb about 9:45 Thursday night, and we're both so happy I'm home! We went off to St. Louis for a baseball game Saturday, and Sunday brought us (I guess really this time) home for a while. Whew! What a summer! I'm so thankful that I got to embark on this wonderful traveling adventure. It's almost unbelievable that I got to do something so cool. Thank you, Joy, for hosting me in Estes, and thank you Vicki, Mom and Dad for making Jackson possible.
Thus ends the Memoirs of Mountain-Ali and her Whyorado adventures!

Memoirs, part 8: Lake Solitude, continued

2008-07-29T18:17:00.005-05:00

There are no words that can do justice to the sunset on the back side of the Tetons. I was lucky to look up when Dad and I were setting up camp for the night. This is the west side of the Grand Teton (I'm pretty sure) in all its glory.

Wow.

Dad set up my hammock for camp; I had only tried sleeping in a hammock once, but this Hennessee Hammock was awesome! It opens up down the middle on bottom, so I had to get in my sleeping bag (pictured), hop over to the hammock, lift it up and put myself through the hole, sit down, lean back, and wriggle up in there. I truly felt like a catepiller entering the cacoon, though the morning did not bring forth the expected results from such a struggle. However, it was not too bad of a night, and we cooked eggs and oatmeal the next morning, and we were on our way!

This was one of the many waterfalls on the hike. It is just below Lake Solitude, as you can see via the sign sticking out of the snow. There was a lot of snow toward the top of our hike, which baffled me, since it was about 75 degrees in the sunshine.

In Estes, Joy had asked me whether I liked hiking up or down the mountain better. I've figured out that I like going up much better than coming down, though it would seem that going down is easier. Well, in a sense it is easier, but when you're going up, you have a lot of athletic-mindedness going for you. You're pushing toward a goal. You're telling yourself, "I'd better do this or else I'll look like an idiot." You can set mini-goals along the way. However, when you're coming back down, you just want to get the heck out of there, and it can't happen soon enough (which of course, makes it seem sooooooo much longer!). Not to mention that the blister on my heel that I mentioned in a previous blog was now up to the size of a bona fide quarter, red and orange, and swollen. I just wanted to run down that beast so I could take off my hiking boots and burn them!

Well, we did get down soon enough, and I'm debating donating my boots to the leather recycling bin. I video-taped the popping of the blister, but I'll have to wait till I get home to delight everyone with that!

This is a pic of the 'Mud House' where we're staying. The windows open up to the mountains (below), and the Jackson Hole Country Club is out the back door. This place is amazing!

I took this picture of the Grand Tetons at 6:25 this morning. I'm not sure if I got the timing right, but hopefully Chris can help me bring out the beauty in the photos when I get home! Did I mention that I love this place?!?

Looking the other direction, to the east of the Mud House is the 'Sleeping Indian.' The sun is peaking over his chest. His feet would be to the left side of the pic, and what you see are his arms crossed over his chest, his nose profile and headdress (as I'm sure all Indian chiefs slept that way!).

I'll get some good pictures of Jackson Hole (the town) tomorrow. Mom and I are going shopping while Dad does another hike without shoe-destroyer-Ali.

*Side note: I really miss you, Beeb! I wish more than anything you were here, and I can't wait till I see you again Thursday night!

Memoirs part 6: Joyous Estes

2008-07-29T17:12:00.003-05:00

I decided to upload some pics of my time in Estes apart from the hiking adventures. :) For some reason, blogspot will only allow me to upload three pictures in a post, and if anyone could help me figure out how to do more, I'll buy you ice cream!

Joy and Nate bought hammocks at a concert the night before I flew in, and here's a pic of Joy and me trying it out. We hung it up in a little park of downtown Estes and read for a bit. Well, I guess we spent most of our time taking weird (on my part) pics and laughing. So So fun!

Joy met Nate through his daily 6:30 devotion times in Kind Coffee. The first thing she told me about him was that he brings his copy of My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers and The Bible to the coffee shop every morning. Well, that sold me! I got to meet him the night before I left Estes, since he'd been working a camp for his church's youth group all week. They are Cute!

This is at some (I'm told) big burger chain restaurant in Denver. I can't remember the name, but our ketchup sure is happy!

I was so sad to leave my friend, especially since I don't know when I'll get to see her again! [Wow, I'm seriously about to cry]. BUT if she chooses to move out to Colorado for good, I guess I'll just have to come visit her every summer. Man, that'd be a chore.

***See more pics on my facebook albums: Album1 and Album2

Memoirs part 7: Hike #4 - Jackson Hole!!!

2008-07-29T13:17:00.008-05:00

Sunday evening I arrived at my favorite place on earth - Jackson Hole, Wyoming!!! I love Estes to death, but there's something about the Grand Tetons that can never be compared to anything else. It might be the sheer power and majesty desplayed by the flat plane that runs smack into a wall of mountain as far as the eye can see. I've never seen anything as beautiful.

This pic is after a pizza dinner: Uncle King, Aunt Glenna, Dad, Mom, and me. The sun is washing out the peaks of the mountains. There are better pictures below.

The next morning, Sunday, Mom informed me that I was the only one that had not hiked to Lake Solitude. I replied, "I feel so alone!" but she didn't note the humor as it was 6 am. Such began my trek to become 'one of the guys'. [Fill in: Dad took Asher and the Nelson boys to Lake Solitude NINE years ago and I couldn't go because the day before one of them had pushed me off a rock and sprained my ankle.] I can't believe it's been that long since we were here!!!

Dad and I took off on our overnight hike through the Tetons. We started off with a much-too-large breakfast at the Moose Lodge (which you see here). We're thinking about photo-shopping Asher and Chris into this picture for Mom and Dad's Christmas card! :)

Then, from the trailhead, we took a ferry across Jenny Lake and Mom and Aunt Glenna joined us up to Inspiration Point.

Dad's pointing out our 10 mi hike to Lake Solitude, were we camped overnight and then hiked back.

Behind us is Hidden Falls, a beautiful photo-op about 3/4 a mile and 300' up the trail.

Here I am at Inspiration Point. It's about a mile and and some up the trail, but I think getting there is the steepest part of the hike. It inspires those who stop to admire the view of Jenny Lake.

Eight or so miles later: Lake Solitude. We saw a few moose, marmots, and waterfalls on the way, but the most captivating views were of the cliffs and peaks surrounding us. You almost feel like you are trapped with no way out as you gaze up at 11,000 foot tall rocks in every direction. We arrived here about 3:15 in the after noon, and since we were going to spend the night up here, we took it easy - Dad took a nap on the 'beach' and I explored around the other side of the lake.

I figured out how to put more pictures on a single blog (by myself!), but I think it's reached its max at six. Go here for more pics, and I'll finish the hike on the Memoirs, part 8!

Memoirs #5: Hike #3 - Twin Sisters

2008-07-29T12:23:00.003-05:00

Friday, my last full day in Estes, Joy and I traveled up the 3.9 mi hike to the summit of Twin Sisters peak (all together now: awwwwww). The top was 11,280, I believe (I don't have my notes with me). The really funny thing about this hike was the fact that Joy was NOT at all excited about it. I really felt that I was dragging her along. We were engaged in great conversation most of the way, which made the steep incline a little more bearable and breathtaking (due to lack of oxygen more than emotion). However, Joy was a trooper, appeasing her guest in a semi-hardcore hike. :)

When we summitted, we noticed some clouds brewing, so we figured we needed to get down quickly. But we did not realize how quickly! When we were still about a mile out from the trailhead, the clouds openned up and drenched us in a downpour! We started high-tailing it out of there - striding bolders and fallen trees while giggling as water droplets the size of Frosted Mini Wheats pounded our eyeballs. When we finally got into her Jeep, I got video documentation of Joy's exclamation of how "HARDCORE" we are! Twin Sisters = priceless.

Due to the multiple hiking days within a short time span, coupled with wet socks due to rivers and rain and aging shoes, a massive blister formed on my heel. It's about the size of a nickel here. This thing is awesome, and it only got worse the next few days!!!

Memoirs, part 4: Hike #2: Thatchtop

2008-07-25T17:30:00.003-05:00

Thursday. 7:30 - 2:45.

Bear Lake to Sky Pond - about 3.5 mi

Sky Pond to Thatchertop - about 1.5 mi

Thatchertop by Solitude Lake, through Glacial Gorge back to Bear Lake - about 5 mi

Overall: about 10 miles, about 3,400 feet elevation gain (start 9,400 and topped out at 12,836)

This was an incredibly intense hike. It started out pretty normal. Many people hike to Sky Pond (pic #1). It is lovely. It is nestled against a lovely piece of the Continental Divide. However, my guide, Derek Brooks, a Duncan native who came out for a summer a few years ago and now calls Estes home (I'm finding out that this is a common occurrence out here) figured out I'm hardcore, and suggested that we find a way up to Thatchtop Peak. We didn't exactly know how to get there, so he suggested the rocks on the left side of pic #1. They are also in pic #2.

This was out of control. We climbed (not hiked, climbed) this loose-rock face in about an hour and a half (it had taken us about 2 hours to get to Sky). When I tried to take out some trail mix, Derek looked at me and said, "No. You're going to be a hard-core hiker today. No eating until we summit." I thought this was halariously mean. Anger was my energy source up the rock face.

Looking down was incredible to see how far we'd come, and surprisingly much more encouraging than looking up at what we had ahead. Pic #2 is about halfway up the face.

I have a t-shirt from Longs Peak that says "You've never really lived until you've almost died." When any miscalculated step could send you plummeting to a stony death, I realized that that idea is more than just an adrenaline rush - it's indescribably humbling and exhilarating at the same time. Humbling in that you realize how small you are and how incredibly fragile your life is. When we finally reached the top, I felt this paradoxal pride coupled with humility. Pride in that, "Wow, look what I just did. I'm flipping amazing," but then humility in that, "What nearly killed me, God formed with one breath. Wow."

When we got to the top, this is the view of the other side. That ridiculously huge piece of granite in the center is the back (northeast) side of Longs Peak. Chris and I climbed that last summer. Doesn't she just look like a beast from this angle? Well, believe me, she is!

We meant to climb Thatchtop, but instead climbed what is known as Thatchtop-Powell Ridge that runs between the two peaks. Derek didn't think that very many (if any) people climbed up where we did. We came out higher than the actuall peak, and the ridge was a very narrow spine that kept us fully exposed to huge mountain winds while shimmying along and jumping across bolders. Again, one wrong step, and you won't have time to wish you had paid more attention.. I'll try to get more pics on here of the ridge and the way down as well.

It was one amazing hike. The scenery was breathtaking, the exercise strenuous, and the conversation fantastic. Derek and I discussed some great theology when he wasn't way ahead of me on the trail. I am so glad I got to take the road less traveled!

"Baby Got Book"

2008-07-23T17:53:00.004-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTYr3JuueF4

This video is hilarious. I'm not saying I agree with everything theologically, but I laughed out loud multiple times. Jen C, I think this video describes you!

100% Whole Wheat

2008-07-23T09:52:00.006-05:00

My multi-talented husband lightened the picture of Joy and me... Thanks Beeb!

I've been thinking on the parable of the wheat and the tares because MacArthur's The Gospel According to Jesus gave me a new perspective on the story. Matthew 13:24-30 -

"The kingdom of heaven is likened unto a man which sowed good seed in his field: but while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went his way. But when the lade was sprung up, and brought forth fruit, the appeared the tares also. So the servants of teh householder came and said unto him, Sir, didst not thou sow good seed in thy field? from whence then hath it tares? He said to them: an enemy hath done this. The servants said unto him, Wilt thou then that we go and gather them up? But he said, Nay, lest while ye gather up the tares, ye root up also the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest: ad in the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, Gather ye together first the tares, and bind them in bundles to burn them; but gather the wheat into my barn.

What I learned from John MacArthur is that people/preachers often use this parable to condone unbelievers within a congregation. Because Jesus later explains to the disciples that the field represents the World in the parable, the field should not mean the church or the body of Christ. Also, MacArthur points out that this is more a warning about people who look like or profess to be christians but really are not. Tares completely resemble wheat, but when harvested, they have an empty hull. Thus, they are like professing christians who maybe look and sound like the sheep they are emulating, but they produce no fruit (they are empty). To relate to the parables surrounding this one, they may spring up quickly but without root, and thus become scorched under the heat of persecution; or they may not be like the man who sold everything he had buy the field with treasure or the pearl of great price.

The interesting thing to me about this parable is that all believers are (or at least appear to be?) tares (spiritually , unregenerate, sons of iniquity, broods of vipers, etc) before the Holy Spirit rebirths our soul. The Lord alone knows who the Father has given Him to become wheat, so when the servants ask Him if they can go gather up the tares before the harvest, He doesn't let them because He has miracles yet to perform in people's hearts.

Conclusion? Examine yourself, that you are 100% whole grain wheat (not just enriched flour!). Don't be surprised at the empty hulls around you, for there seem to be so many these days, and therefore fill your speech to all with the gospel of Truth. Other conclusions?

Memoirs, part 3: Hike #1

2008-07-22T16:56:00.004-05:00

Tuesday morning: Joy and I hiked from Bear Lake in Rocky Mountain National Park to three other lakes: Nymph (next picture), Dream (not pictured), and Emerald (3rd picture). The hike was a warm-up of sorts for me to acclimate. It was about 4 miles roundtrip and not incredibly steep, though I must admit that I got short of breath a few times.

Here's Joy in front of Nymph Lake. The lilypads on the lake were so cute that we decided that people probably thought fairies and nymphs lived in them.

Dream Lake was so calm that it reminded me of early-morning wakeboarding at the Country Club lake... glass. There were a lot of fly-fishers going after some trout, which was kind of cool.

Emerald Lake was incredible. It provided such a perfect reflection that it was difficult to distinguish where the water actually began! The water begins about where Joy's left shoulder is... bet you didn't know until I told you that!

Right now I'm enjoying a rootbeer shake (not float) Joy made me at Kind Coffee. She brought that out pretty much right after I finished the cookie she toasted for me. I've got to get out of here and walk around before she puts 10 pounds on me!

We're planning on a longer hike tomorrow afternoon... I'm loving it!

Memoirs from mountain-ali, part 2 - again, see comment!

2008-07-22T07:08:00.003-05:00

Joy and I at a wonderful pizza place in Bolder!

Welcome to Estes!

Best coffee in Estes (Joy's work)

Tuesday morning: At the Bear Lake, Nymph Lake, Dream Lake, Emerald Lake trailhead. (There were a lot of beautiful lakes! :)

Memoirs of mountian-Ali, part 1. Check comment for entry

2008-07-21T08:20:00.003-05:00

This was my carry-on and personal item. As you can read in my comment (I can't get it to paste in the right spot - I am SOO technologically inept!), my suitcase was 60 lbs (10 too much), so I had to readjust all my hiking gear: tent, sleeping bag, and all my granola bars ect in my hiking pack as a carry on. Toiletries, rainjacket, book, all the other usual stuff in my purse. Hiking boots on my feet.

I must look like a Colorado chick now!

The Gospel According to Jesus

2008-07-20T17:46:00.003-05:00

Wow... this is the best book on the gospel that I have ever read. Granted, I don't have the biggest theological bookshelf out there, but I truly give this book a standing ovation. John MacArthur spells out through scripture what this century has abandoned in the gospel: repentance. True repentance, given to a believer by the Holy Spirit opens the regenerate to see who Jesus Christ really is, how ugly of a sinner the person is, and that he must trust in Christ and surrender to Him in obedience. A professing Christian can be assured in his salvation not by a card he signed or an aisle he walked down, but by a turning from sin, a hatred of sin, and a passion for following and obeying Christ.

While church-shopping at college, I had an encounter with the pastor of the college-student-magnet-church during Sunday School. He was teaching from the gospel John about John the Baptist's message of repentance, which the pastor said only means "to believe." Even though it was my first Sunday in the church and I wasn't really quite sure if Sunday School was a discussion-format or a lecture, I raised my hand. "Sir, doesn't 'repent' mean 'to turn'?" I asked. "Well no," he explains, " the Greek word here means only to change your mind about something, thus believe." Now I was only 18, but give me a break, I grew up with decent teaching (see former blogs about my dad), so I asked him that if it's just an intellectual matter, why does Jesus tie all these actions to it (ie, forsake all others, deny yourself, sell everything you have and follow Him, etc)?

He gave me some high-falooting answer, I'm sure, but all I remember is how my face was on fire, sitting next to these college people I didn't know, arguing with the pastor. Believe it or not, confrontation used to scare the bageebies out of me (that's before I entered the blogosphere). Turns out, that pastor went to Dallas Theological Seminary, apparently a huge proponent of his stance on repentance. Charles Ryrie said that repentance is "'a false addition to faith" when made a condition for salvation, except 'when [repentance is] understood as a synonym for faith'" (177). Repentance = faith? As a grammarian, that's a little odd.

MacArthur rebuts with: "Repentence is not simply a mental activity; genuine repentance involves the intellect, emotions, and will [as Jesus uses the word in context]. Geerhardus Voswrote: 'Our Lord's idea of repentance is as profound an comprehensive as his conception of righteousness. Of the three words that are used in the Greek gospels to describe the process, one emphasizes the emotional element of regret, sorrow over the past evil course of life, metamelomai; Matt. 21:29-32; a second expresses reversal of the entire mental attitude, metanoeo [I think this is the one the pastor above was referring to], Matt.12:41; Luke 11:32; 15:7,10; the third denotes a change in the direction of life, one goal being substituted for another, epistrephomai; Matt.13:15 (and paralels); Luke 17:4; 22:32. Repentance is not limited to any single faculty of the mind: it engages the entire man, intellect, will and affections... again in the new life which follows repentance the absolute supremacy of God is the controlling principle. He who repents turns away form the service of mammon and self to the service of God" (180).

Too bad I couldn't quote all that back then when I needed it. Oh well, you live and learn, I guess. :) I'll try to write more on the issue later, as my mind is just overflowing with joy over it. But first, one of the main oppositions to "lordship salvation," as this idea is nowadays called, is that people deem repentance and sanctification (the process of a believer becoming more like Christ) a work, which if true, would make this idea salvation by works. Completely not a "work" of an individual by himself, for it is the Spirit who leads me to repentance. Repentance and faith are more or less two sides of the same coin in that they are both given to the new born at his new birth.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest any man should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them" (Eph 2:8-10.

Quoteworthy

2008-07-17T07:28:00.006-05:00

"If a profession of faith in Christ does not grow out of a deep sense of lostness; if it is not accompanied by an inner conviction of sin; if it does not include a tremendous desire for the Lord to cleanse and purify and lead; if it does not involve a willingness to deny self, to sacrifice, and to suffer for Christ's sake, then it is without a proper root. It is ony a matter of time before the flourishing growth withers and dies." (John MacArthur, The Gospel According to Jesus, 130)

I've been a fan of MacArthur since borrowing my dad's tapes of Grace to You back in the 90's (I think he has GTY tapes from the 70's!), but I've never read his quintessential book: The Gospel According to Jesus. So I'm about halfway through it now, and though I've heard most of these ideas before in his sermons, a person could not pay heed to them enough.

I think the main idea of this book (as much as I've read so far) is captured in the excerpt above. This book has been deemed a treatise on the concept of "Lordship salvation," which refutes the present day "easy believism" that reduces salvation to mere believing and no repentance/submission. Evangelism in the last 100 years or so has produced a crop of fruitless who think that Jesus is just something they add to their life to make it better. It seems that I've been frustrated for as long as I can remember with preachers who "share the gospel" without confronting a person's sin (which is their need for a Savior in the first place!). Acknowledging sin is humbling, but that's precisely the point - we need to be humbled to view ourselves correctly in relation to a perfect and holy God. No talk of sin = no talk of salvation, because then there's nothing to be saved from!

More on this book later when I finish.

Sidenote: This summer I'm alternating between novels I've always wanted to read and Christian works, because if I didn't make myself read for fun, I'd only read for what will help me grow in my walk with the Lord. Well, I've wanted to read Joseph Heller's Catch-22 since high school, and though it was a VERY entertaining read filled with wit and vocabulary that sent me to dictionary.com every page, the overall themes felt like a Voltaire novel (bleak, depressing, 'life sucks' kind of stuff).

The story follows Yossarian, a bombardier in WWII, in a tailspin of absurdities, skepticism, and self-gratification because everybody is only looking out for himself and therefore you must do the (the idea of integrity is shown to be completely comical idea). The book is filled with no-win situations (which its title now defines) and just when you think it can't get any worse, something else completely ridiculous happens (which is why I liken it to Voltaire's Candide). I can completely understand the mentality (outside of a Christian worldview) especially during this post-war era (which completely fascinates me by-the-way) because the bottom dropped out from under everyone just when they thought things were getting better.

After The Gospel According to Jesus, I plan on reading Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen.

Compassion Kills

2008-07-16T20:54:00.004-05:00

Compassion is definitely something I should work on. This was pointed out to me in Mike's comment on my last post. It was also pointed out to me in a Ligonier Ministries podcast that I listened to today about Jesus' encounter with the adulterous woman (John 8). The pharisees definitely felt no compassion whatsoever on "sinners" because they had the audacity to think that they themselves were not such. I never want to be considered as remotely near that camp because I know all to well what an awful sinner I am.

"Early in the morning He came again into the temple, and all the people were coming to Him; and He sat down and began to teach them.3The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery, and having set her in the center of the court, 4they said to Him, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act. 5"Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?6They were saying this, testing Him, so that they might have grounds for accusing Him. But Jesus stooped down and with His finger wrote on the ground.7But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."8Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground.9When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court.10Straightening up, Jesus said to her, "Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?"11She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said, "I do not condemn you, either Go From now on sin no more."

Through RC Sproul's words, I began to put myself in the emotions of this woman, dragged to the temple of the Lord, probably naked, and scorned publicly in front of people she probably knew. How horrid!

The pharisees didn't do this because they really cared, but to trap Jesus in between the Law of Moses and Rome: "Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses, in the Law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do you say?" Roman law forbade execution by any ordinance other than Roman trial (which is why Jesus fulfilled prophesy by being crucified and not stoned). If He said "Stone her," they'd turn Him into the Roman authorities; if He did not stone her, He was disobeying God's Law. That would be a toughy for anyone other than God Himself.

What does He decide? Stone her! I mean, He wrote the Law, so He's going to keep it, right? However, He also appoints the executioners - the only ones who can justly put someone to death for sins - "He who is without sin among you." Oops. And then there was One. He's the only One around with no sins, and what does He choose to do when He judge her (rightly) right there? He offers mercy.

What a beautiful reminder of the mercy of God toward sinners. I am equally deserving of God's wrath as this woman, and yet He bore my burden so that I may no longer be defined by the sin that had previously enslaved me. I praise Him for saving me, like He did this woman, from the judgment I so deserve! And may I likewise have compassion on all people, knowing what we naturally all are.

Slow-Mo + Water = Randomness

2008-07-01T16:37:00.005-05:00

We were playing golf Saturday when lightening forced us to abandon the links... so what do Jared and Chris elect to do? But of course, take my camera and start filming randomness. It didn't take me long to join in... and thus, may I present to you my second video-editing adventure.

All of clips used in this video were shot in slow-motion (180 fps), and I haven't tinkered with the speed of any clips... promise. I'm sure blogspot can't do justice to the clarity of the slow-motion feature on this camera, but it's great nonetheless!

Why I know Jesus lives (feel free to add to this in a comment)

2008-06-26T11:43:00.003-05:00

Because of the last post, I had a few requests in comments and emails to complete my story with how I know Jesus lives. These will be short answers, because I'm a novice apologist, so please feel free to add your convictions to the list in a comment:

The congruencies yet distinctions of the gospel accounts. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John all record Jesus appearing to many people after His resurrection. The stories (as with the other stories contained in more than one gospel) are similar, yet not exact, just as eyewitnesses to an event all see the same thing, but notice and observe it from a different point of view.
Jesus first appears to women. Good Jewish (Greek, orRoman, for that matter) men who were making up a story would NOT include this. Women's credibility as eyewitnesses would not hold up in court.
Hundreds of people attested to seeing Jesus alive after He had been crucified, spent their lives proclaiming this event, and died defending it.
Thousands and thousands more during the first few centuries after Christ's death believed and spread the doctrines of the disciples despite the most grueling persecution of any religion known to date. Under decrees of Nero and others, Christians were tortured, crucified, burned, stoned, drowned, etc. for being followers of Christ, and despite this, the faith in Christ as sinful man's Savior spread faster than Nero's fiddle-playing fire.

Those are the historical reasons I can think of off the top of my head to back up the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The spiritual reason is even more convincing (or is it more convicting than convincing?). The outright logic in God's plan of mankind's redemption is mind-boggling to me, and leaves me shaking with awe every time I think about it. The doctrine of propitiation, wherein God's wrath for sin is satisfied through His own sacrifice, is ineffably magnificant. Any person who is not an idiot or deranged knows that people are not perfect or even really good. God is a holy (perfect, set apart) Judge, who not only cannot allow anything less than perfect in His presence, but also cannot stand evil (which, let's face it, we are). However, to save fallen humanity and glorify Himself, He became one of us, through Jesus Christ, and lived a life without any tarnish of sin. Though He was without fault - and because He claimed to be God - the people crucified Him, fulfilling prophesy. Through the crucifiction of Christ, the undeserving One was punished in place of the deserving many. "He who knew no sin became sin" to satisfy the wrath of a just God. "The wages of sin is death," and mankind's sin brought the Messiah's death, because "the gift of God is eternal life in [the death and resurrection of] Jesus Christ our Lord." So that to those who look upon Him as their Savior, God sees the perfection of His Son. Our sins were imputed to Him on that cross, and His righteousness is imputed to those who know we have no righteousness in ourselves.

The fact that Jesus did, then, rise from the dead the following Sunday, shows that this propitiatory act was indeed successful. Hallelujah! Because He lives, I too can LIVE! Praise the Lord in His merciful Providence!

Apologetics at its philosophical hard-coreness

2008-06-24T10:58:00.003-05:00

I have a feeling that my blog is going to turn into a mini book-review station, as my goal this summer is to read 87.3 books. Well, hopefully I can be a little more lively than that, but nonetheless, I've never really had a summer where I didn't have a job (golf is included in the 'job' category) the whole time. I just finished summer school last Friday (and I'll probably give some high-and-low-lights in an upcoming post), and I have approximately 2 months to read, paint, work out, lay out by the pool, visit Joy in Colorado (!), and climb the Tetons with my dad (!).

Book #1 checked off from my reading list (well, actually, I've been working on this one for a while): Beyond Opinion; Living the Faith We Defend by Ravi Zacharias. An anthology of essays by people associated with this modern-day CS Lewis (as I've heard Ravi called), this book provides a insight into a plethora of religions, philosophies, and worldviews that affront Christianity today.

What really got me thinking while reading this book is how ill-equipped Christians are in the deep and incredibly stimulating truths of the Bible. Ravi describes his three levels of philosophy: "level one states why one believes what he believes. Level two indicates why one lives the way he lives. And level three reveals why one legislates for others the way he does" (321). The problem with most "Christians" today is that they cannot legitimately answer a single one of those questions. They believe a pile of fluff because it makes them feel good about themselves through emotion, conformity, and tradition. They don't want doctrine because they don't want to think, and they don't want someone telling them what to do if it contradicts what they like. "Christianity Lite" and the Emergent movement promote the feel-goodism of emotional experience without the real truth of the Gospel behind it. They only want to invision a God that they like, and forget about the yucky stuff like justice and wrath over sin. However, Ravi says, "None of these levels can live in isolation. They must follow a proper sequence... Life must move from truth, to experience, to prescription" (322). People often jump to experience (hence, personal testimony trumps Gospel presentation) as if the doctrines (what make experiences happen) don't matter. We can't have a real experience without knowing the truth behind it. You can't really "ask Jesus into your heart" without knowing what that really means. You can't be "saved from your sins" without knowing why and how you can be relieved of them. Granted, people do that every day, but can the transformation be real if they don't know what they're doing besides getting a good feeling of acceptance? I'd of course argue no.

While reading this book, I've also been listening to some of the podcast of the White Horse Inn (look it up), which for a series discussed the dumbing down of people and the Church in the name of self-esteem. As a teacher, I've witnessed this sad truth in the classroom, and as a Christian, I'm enraged that people claim to be Christians without any intent to know Christ. Those don't fit together. [That could be a long red-herring, so I'll get back to my intended write].

When I was younger, my dad was constantly quizzing Asher and me over what we learned at church, what we were studying, or what we could explain about what we believed. This questioning was crucial to my growth, because I could not get by with fluff, cliche, or "I don't know". I remember that one time Dad asked me why I know Jesus lives, and I answered, as a good little baptist, with the hymn lyrics: "You ask me how I know He lives; He liiiiiiives withiiiiiin my hearrrrrrrrrrt." Dad banished me from the table until I give him an argument that actually held. Now I was probably ten at the time and used to giving a quick, prescripted Sunday School answer, but I found out rather quickly the merit in actually thinking and reasoning why this is so. Needless to say, I did not go hungry that night or any. :)

I fully believe that this interrogation is what made me dig deeper into the Whys and Hows of the Word of God. It made me make my faith my own, and not just a slew of cute words that had no meaning for me personally. I think this is why, when I went to college, my faith in Christ blossomed under pressure instead of wilting as happens to so many these days. I praise God often for the guided challenge my parents provided, and I wish that all parents and youth pastors could do the same for others. Kids (and all of us) need truth: unfiltered, un-dumbed down, big churchy words and all, TRUTH. And we need to be questioned, without allowance for easy-button answers, so that we actually grow as we are researching to find the best, fullest, most accurate answer. The Word of the Almighty Living God deserves no less!

"Why I'm Not Emergent" By One Gal Who Could Never Be

2008-06-08T19:32:00.007-05:00

Upon finishing Kevin DeYoung's and Ted Kluck's Why We're Not Emergent (By Two Guys Who Should Be), I hope I have a greater understanding of the movement that is apparently sweeping the world of Christendom, though this more informed viewing only reveals that there's not much new in the movement, but more of the same ideas that Christians have battled since the beginning.

While the emergent movement calls Christians to be more loving, which is good, it seems to focus way too much on people and not enough on Christ (which is why there's nothing new about it). Particular to the emergent movement (apart from other heresies) is its mother, postmodernism, which (according to Wikipedia), "Largely influenced by the Western European disillusionment induced by World War II, postmodernism tends to refer to a cultural, intellectual, or artistic state lacking a clear central hierarchy... and embodying extreme complexity, contradiction, ambiguity, diversity, and interconnectedness or interreferentiality." Wikipedia later mentions its philosophy founders, who were predominantely men who really hated God.
The emergent church embraces postmodernism and seeks to not only fit in with the postmodern culture, but be itself postmodern as well. When I first heard about this movement, I picked out the postmodern influences immediately, was shocked that they called this movement Christian, and was even more shocked to find out that the above mentioned connection (the fact that this idea was started by atheist should be a red flag) did not cause any concern in the people I know who are caught up in the movement.

Some things to beware of about this movement (that I found in the book) are:

The movement focuses more on Christ's life and not His death. While emulating Jesus is what Christians are supposed to do, it IS kind of important to know what a Christian is: a former "vessel of wrath" who was chosen and set apart by God in the beginning, purchased by God per Christ's sacrificial death, and transformed by the Holy Spirit. The Cross was the reason Jesus came - for there is no other way a person can be righteous before God but by wearing Jesus's righteousness. Hopefully this does not represent very many emergents, but whenever you consider the real gospel a footnote instead of the focal point, you've got MAJOR issues.

What emergents are most known for is their pride in their "humility". They take the ambiguity factor of postmodernism so far that they claim that someone who thinks they know something about God is just being arrogant, because no one can know anything about God. The movement finds more beauty in "mystery" than the knowledge of God. So the point of the Bible is...??? and this leads into the next point which is...

False dicotomies - TONs of them. Like the one above, they say God cannot be known completely and fully (and I agree). However, they also say that if a person cannot exhaust God, then they can't claim what they do know about Him. Which is False. Just because my finite mind can't possibly comprehend everything about the infinite God does not mean that I should claim ignorance of what He's clearly revealed through creation, scripture, and Christ.

The emergents generally have an errant view of history. They claim that understanding of scripture, exegetical preaching, and doctrine all derive themselves from modernism and the enlightenment (1600's - 1900's). I'm guessing that they haven't read much Augustine, Luther, Calvin.

I think one of the main causes for all the stirring in the emergent church is emergents' problem with authority. They don't like people who actually know what they're talking about (which is why all their "leaders" constantly claim that they don't know, or that they may be wrong), probably due to the whole 'self-esteem' thing we all want to be equals. Maybe they think only authorities are totally depraved. Maybe they were traumatized when they were spanked as kids (dang parents who don't "spare the rod"!). Who knows. As DeYoung assesses, "Much of the emergent disdain for preaching is really an uneasiness about authority and control. Discussion, yes. Dialogue, yes. Goup discernment, yes. Hearlding? Proclamation? Not on this side of modernism!" Brian McLaren (the main guy [of course titleless] in the emergent church) promotes leaders who are like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz: "Rather than being a person with all the answers, who is constantly informed of what's up and what's what and where to go, she is herself lost, a seeker, vulnerable, often bewildered." WOW. Could this be an example of "blind leading the blind"? I think so.

The movement is full of verbiage that lacks real meaning, other than sounding mystical. Most of the phrases just make me laugh, but there are some that cross the line. I'm tired of hearing sacred words like 'incarnate' thrown around when someone could say 'personified' or 'lived out'. Overusage tends to dull down the word so that what it really means no longer has the punch. "Incarnate" should be reserved for speaking of Christ's divinity, so that it can bear more weight of the concept.

As with most wayward works-focused movements, the emergent movement puts the cart before the horse, for how can a person act like a Christian unless he first knows Christ? How can he know Christ unless Christ can be known?

This movement is so troubling to me because I can see how people fall susceptable to its deceptions. It is sneaky because it sounds uber-spiritual, nonconformist, and novel, but really the emergent movement is smoke and mirrors, like what Dorothy at first believes is the true Wizard.

"All we need is Jesus" and a million dollars

2008-05-30T21:02:00.005-05:00

I've been reading Why We're Not Emergent (By Two Guys Who Should Be) by Kevin DeYoung and Ted Kluck, mostly because I've become intrigued by the emergent movement in the church and its unfortunate ties to postmodernism. By ties I mean origins. In a nutshell, it is somewhat a backlash against the megachurch, Joel Ostein phase that is leaving many people jaded and empty. My understanding is that its big thing is that there is not really authority or absolute Truth, but that Christianity is grey, ambiguous, and mysterious (and that that is a good thing). This is not going to turn into a rant filled with Bible passages pointing out the absoluteness of our holy and righteous God, because that could get way too long. Instead, today I'm going to focus on a quote that I found particularly interesting to a broader scope than just the emergents.

"'All we need is Jesus,' many emerging Christians [and I'd say other modern groups as well] cry, 'not these fancy theologies and donctrinal formulations.' Thus Erwin McManus writes, 'The power of the gospel is the result of a person -- Jesus Christ -- not a message.' Granted, this sounds good, and McManus may mean something good by it. But the argument is overstated. How is the gospel event we proclaim different than a message? And how is a message about Jesus -- say, who He is and what He did on earth -- different than doctrine? We can tell people about Jesus every day until He returns again, but without some doctrinal content filling up what we mean by Jesus and why He matters, we are just shouting slogans, not proclaiming any kind of intelligible gospel" (108).

I think that this kind of thinking is not exclusive to the emergent church. A few times in college I attended what I'd consider a 'mega church' where the pastor's practical, almost self-help "sermons", the rock music, and the non-commital atmosphere drew in many of the cool kids of campus. In a sermon about love, the pastor labored the importance of action by saying (almost a direct quote), The doctrine of justification does not matter; what matters is that we love each other.......
.....Ali's jaw hits the floor.........
........You mean the reason I'm going to heaven doesn't matter?!?

My question is: Why is doctrine a bad word? The dictionary defines doctrine as a specific belief. So it's bad to believe something specific? Or is it just bad to know what you believe? I think this is the rub, because whenever one gets too specific about one's beliefs, there could be (gasp) a differing opinion. I've often heard "Doctrine divides," which is true, but so does Christ, and the Gospel, and I'll tend to side with the offensive Truth.

I've sadly seen way too many people who "are just shouting slogans, not proclaiming any kind of intelligible gospel" because they do not know wonderful, deep, enriching, and life-changing doctrine. They most likely have never been taught of the wonder and awe of studying Who God is and what He has done. The Lord spoiled me with parents who seek Him fervently, and I've never known anything different, and therefore people who claim to be Christians but seem comfortable with not really knowing what that means often frustrate me. People sing songs that have no meaning (7-11 songs - 7 word repeated 11 times), they say words that have no root in anything real ("I'm saved" From what? "uhhh?"), they go through actions motivated by who-knows-what-really; and why? because they do not seek to know Him and Him alone. Too many people focus on what Jesus can do for them and not Who He is.

It seems that every errant movement is really the same: it's all about me and what I want. Or is it just me?

Inquiry Journal

2008-05-29T21:54:00.003-05:00

The homework for our Advanced Studies inservice meeting is to begin an inquiry journal where I investigate how I think and what about. Well, I think I've got a head start on this one, since that the primary purpose of this blog, but I'll give it a more stream-of-consciousness feel today.

The last few days I've been curious about my seeming intellectual backslide lately. As the temperature outside has been rising, my thinking trends have been lessening. I'm not sure if this data correlates, or if there are other factors weighing in, such as: exhaustion from the end of school (likely), distress of creating a summer school cirriculum about 5 days before classes begin, golf lessons, and tonight's dinner. Nevertheless, it seems that even though I (in theory) have more time now to spend reading and thinking deeply about important issues, I in reality am spending less. Thus, my quest for time begins. What is it that sucks all the minutes out of my day?

To be honest, time-stealers that can be removed are:
1. The Office - Chris and I have watched an episode (or four) per day lately, mostly just while doing dishes after dinner and starting whatever we're doing next (ie, facebook). I HATE getting sucked into shows! Solution: Take care of household tasks (laundry, cleaning, etc in order to kill two birds with one stone)
2. Facebook - though I'm not a junky like most, I do spend a few minutes too many creeping on the book. Solution: Get a life.
3. Working out - I need to find a more efficient way to keep myself a physical specimen. :) The solution I've already inacted is to read while engaging in cardio, which works out (unintended pun) splendidly. Another Solution: Don't eat so much ice cream, and then I won't have to work out so much.

What's weird is that I really don't do much else. I'm still sticking to my previous hypothesis - As the amount of time to spend increases, so does the amount of time wasted. So the question remains - Where does all the time go? And how do I get it back?

"You Got JELIED"

2008-05-28T19:09:00.006-05:00

My first editing adventure, this video uncovers the behind the scenes on the greatest serial prank scheme in Campbell Middle School history. Ok, maybe that was a little over the top, but it was fun to do! This video is why I haven't posted anything profound lately... I guess the media/brain function ration is true! Anyway, check out the video, and post your comments! :)

The End is Near...

2008-05-23T22:17:00.005-05:00

One (half) day remains of school. And that day is dedicated to the mass-chaos of yearbook signing. I am one school year wiser and exhausteder. [The mispelling accentuates the condition, for all you nonpoetical types out there]. The funny thing is that while most of my other comrades are more and more agitated with the youngsters' May-Fever, I actually am starting to really grow fond of them. Figures: I finally get the hang of it and it's over. Hopefully what that means is that next year I'll get the hang of things sooner and therefore can sit back and enjoy the young life more. [That was a mental note to self].

However, I'm one step ahead of somethings: today I bought a rubber stamp that has a saying I somewhat like, and so instead of wearing out my hand on yearbook day, it's WHAP with the stamp, sign "Mrs. Barnes." Lazy and Brilliant.

I've been reading John 12-13, and I'll have to write about what I've learned about Jesus' washing the disciples' feet. I think I'm going to save that for another post though, for the clock is striking 10:27. I've also been reading about the emergent movement in Why We're Not Emergent (By Two Guys Who Should Be). Pretty interesting stuff. More to come later. It might be much later, though, because I have to start reading and planning for Summer School (booooo, but good money, yaaaaaaaaaay).

Not too "level 6"ish today, but I've received too many complaints by haters of deep thoughts, so I thought I'd tone it down every once in a while for them...

One last note on Laz...

2008-05-19T18:34:00.004-05:00

I meant to write this a while ago, but you know life - it just gets in the way of important things like blogging.

Probably the reason that the story of Jesus' resurrection of Lazarus is so dear to me is that it is this story that "saves" Raskonikov in Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment. The first time(s) I read this most masterful novel, I couldn't figure out why this murderer (Ras) becomes so obsessed with this section of scripture (that a girl-prostitute reads to him, but that's another matter) above all others. I think that Raskolnikov identifies with Lazarus because he knows that he's a dead-man walking due to his crime, and even more than that, he becomes increasingly guilt-stricken and tormented (hence, Punishment) because of his sin. What a solace for Rask to know that Christ raised a man completely and utterly dead, and therefore He could do the same with him.

Dostoevsky knew that this is the gospel incarnate (as so many of our modern-day emergents mis- and therefore over-use): Jesus, for His and the Father's glory, by His own will and strength, raises a dead man, who can do no good thing, to new life. Hallelujah!
When I studied the gospels and C & P more, I became more and more drawn to the parallels Dostoevsky creates between Rask and Laz, and I think, for me personally, greater familiarity with each has made the other more meaningful.

John 11 demonstrates God's sovereignty over death and salvation

2008-05-11T13:46:00.002-05:00

Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead is the last and greatest miracle John records before Jesus goes to Jerusalem to take on the sins of the world and become the sacrifice for many. He had already manifested His glory through displaying power over distance (heals noble man’s son without even seeing him), sickness (heals lame man at the pool), creation (feeds 5,000), nature (walks on water and calms storm), birth defects (heals man born blind). In John, chapter 11, Jesus displays the most important yet: His power over death itself.

There are a few things about this passage that I’d like to note that further display Who He is and why He performed this miracle. Jesus says Himself the purpose for this circumstance is “for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it” (v 4). Needless to say, Jesus knew exactly what He was doing, as He always does. The first thing that stood out to me is that Jesus waited two days after He’d heard Lazarus was sick before traveling to see Him, and He tells the disciples, “I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, that you may believe,” because He wants there to be no doubt that Lazarus is as dead as a doornail, and no tricks or gimmicks, but that he has been dead for so long that he “stinketh.” (v 15, 39).

I think it’s pretty clear that Jesus didn’t raise Lazarus for Lazarus’ own benefit, for, as one of my friends puts it, how awful would it be to be taken from heaven to have to live in this world again! Jesus raises Lazarus to physically demonstrate that He is “the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die” (v 26-26). This miracle is the picture of salvation, and it is important to understand it this way, because we learn so much from it.

It fits perfectly with Paul’s description of salvation in his letter to the Ephesians, when he says “And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins” (2:1). One of the key elements in Lazarus’ resurrection and in Paul’s description is that Lazarus was dead. He had absolutely NO ability in himself to choose life. While this is blatantly obvious, it carries over into Paul’s description of the nonbeliever, who is likewise dead and unable to choose life. RC Sproul uses this concept to give a brilliant antidote to the whole “lifesaver” mentality toward evangelism (that the unbeliever is like a person drowning, the evangelist throws out the lifesaver, but it is up to the unbeliever to grab hold), when he says that this analogy is wrong in that the unbeliever is not drowning, but he is already drowned and has sunk to the bottom of the lake. What’s the point? The dead man is awakened BY Jesus’ voice when the Lord calls to him. The call of the Lord is effectual, and a person is raised out of their death by the work and word of Christ alone, “not by works, lest any man should boast” (Eph 2:9). Lazarus did not have the power to choose to live again; he simply could do no other than what Jesus gave him power to do. The same is true for salvation: Jesus calls us and resurrects us out of our death (sin) to life in the Light of Him.

Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead demonstrates His sovereignty over salvation beautifully. Thank you Lord!

Guitar Flipping-Amazing Hero Video

2008-05-11T09:36:00.005-05:00

My hub's newest creation, featuring a few friends and ourselves. Check out the genius of the imaginative green screen. You can also check out this in higher quality or some of his other creations on youtube.com. His username is "barnezydotcom".

I'm not going to glorify this stuff by trying to add any "level 6 thoughts" - it is what it is... Rock on!

Jordan speaks against excuses

2008-05-06T19:34:00.006-05:00

"Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I led you to believe it was easy, when it wasn't. Maybe I led you to believe that my highlights started on the freethrow line and not in the gym. Maybe I made you think that every shot I took was a game winner, that my game was built on flash and not fire. Maybe it's my fault that you didn't see that failure gave me strength, that my pain was my motivation. Maybe I led you to believe that basketball was a God-given gift and not something I worked for... every single day of my life. Maybe I destroyed the game, or maybe you're just making excuses." ~MJ

This video with Michael Jordan is such a good message, especially for today's youth. So many of the kids I've seen and taught have big dreams but think that great things just get handed over, not worked for. The whole "self esteem" movement tells people that they deserve everything and that they can do anything regardless of, well, anything others do or say. Jordan speaks what is true for not just athletics: to be the best, one must devote everything and give his all, all the time.

I want my students to "celebrate the struggle" of progress, to live life with a passion that embraces victory and defeat with grace, to use every moment to better themselves, and ultimately, to know the One who makes all worthwhile and that much sweeter.

Notes on the Good Shepherd (John 10:1-18)

2008-05-01T21:26:00.001-05:00

1 “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door, but climbs up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber. 2 But he who enters by the door is the shepherd of the sheep. 3 To him the doorkeeper opens, and the sheep hear his voice; and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4 And when he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them; and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. 5 Yet they will by no means follow a stranger, but will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers.” 6 Jesus used this illustration, but they did not understand the things which He spoke to them.
Jesus the Good Shepherd 7 Then Jesus said to them again, “Most assuredly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. 8 All who ever came before Me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not hear them. 9 I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. 10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. 11 “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep. 12 But a hireling, he who is not the shepherd, one who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees; and the wolf catches the sheep and scatters them. 13 The hireling flees because he is a hireling and does not care about the sheep. 14 I am the good shepherd; and I know My sheep, and am known by My own. 15 As the Father knows Me, even so I know the Father; and I lay down My life for the sheep. 16 And other sheep I have which are not of this fold; them also I must bring, and they will hear My voice; and there will be one flock and one shepherd.

In this passage, Jesus presents a great paradoxical metaphor: that He is at the same time the Shepherd Who leads and also the door that He leads through. On top of the the physical impossibility for all finite things of being two things at once, the metaphor also shows Him to lead us to Himself. To those who hear his voice, He is the Shepherd who leads to pasture (heaven). He leads us to the door, which is Himself (vs 7). As the door, He is the Way through which we can enter heaven, but unless He calls us and leads us, we cannot get there of our own volition. He drew me to Himself, not because of anything I've done, but only because of His unwarrented mercy. Praise be to God!

The Gospel in 6 Minutes

2008-05-01T21:23:00.001-05:00

Follow this link to watch a video called "The Gospel in 6 Minutes", where John Piper gives the simple, pure good news, conveys its relevance to all in every aspect of life, and pleas for its embrace.

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/MediaPlayer/2389/Video/

Ben Stein's "Expelled" receives 2 (designed) thumbs up

2008-04-25T20:10:00.001-05:00

My parents, Chris, and I saw Ben Stein's movie Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed this afternoon. This documentary exposes the unscientific methods of academia in calling evolution fact and burying its head in the ground whenever an opposing view (Intelligent Design) is presented.

Artisically put together, this entertaining and thought-provoking documentary related the two camps to the Berlin Wall, because there is "academic freedom" only if you are on the right side of the wall. What that means is that if one proposes anything other than the prevalent view, one is ostrasized, persecuted, and "expelled" from academia (fired and prevented from future hiring). A case of this recently happened at my alma mater, where one of the university's (and my) most beloved professors was not tenured.

Having studied Darwin at Cambridge for a study-abroad course, I was glad to see him address the fact that the logical conclusion of the theory of evolution is eugenics and genocide. Hitler and the Nazi party were not crazy. Their practices of exterminating what nature would "select" anyway in order to create the perfect race are the rational applications of the evolution mindset. That's how horribly sad/dangerous/unethical this theory can be.

The pinnacle of the movie was Stein's interview with Richard Dawkins, scientist and author of The God Delusion. Dawkins, a raging atheist who claims that anyone who believes in a God is an idiot showed himself to be a complete idiot when asked about the beginning of life. The Darwinian Theory of Natural Selection does not account for the first living cell, just somewhat what happens after that living cell somehow came into existance. Dawkins said that it is a possibility that alien lifeform designed this living cell and brought it to Earth. No, I am not kidding. He actually thinks that believing in aliens is scientific. WOW. And even worse, after raging against "intelligent design", he himself stated that some intelligent being may have designed this single-cell organism and put it on Earth. But that "intelligent designer" must have itself evolved through some sort of Darwinian process. Or else it must have been placed wherever it was by some other evolved intelligent designer, in perpetuity... With all due respect, Mr. Dawkins, I think you are the one under delusion.

I wrote my paper (for my Cambridge course) on how Darwin intended to make science arreligious (without religion) - because before him, science was intended to discover God's revelation through creation - but what he did instead was change the religion of science from a judeo-christian endeavor to a Nature-and-therefore-SELF-as-God religion. Dawkins, as Darwin was before him, is not an unbiased scientist, but a self-centered man angry with God, and he would rather believe anything else designed the world as long as it is not a Righteous Judge who holds us accountable for our actions.

**Note on how these men do not follow the scientific method.
1)Darwin threw out evidence against his theory (I saw some of it with my own eyes). This is against the scientific method, because if something does not fit the theory, then the theory should change to fit the evidence, not vice versa.
2) "Scientists" consider Evolution (def: that all known life evolved from one single-cell organism) FACT. Most of the evolution-upholding scientists in the documentary called it such. In the scientific method, there is no fact; one should always consider a theory as something that has just not been disproved YET.
3) No one has ever successfully duplicated evolution, just like no one has ever duplicated the beginning. Therefore, it is nothing but a weak theory, maybe just hypothesis.

See this movie. I give it 2 (opposing) thumbs up.

What you've all been waiting for... my rant on Joel

2008-04-20T14:20:00.001-05:00

So I gave in to the temptation to watch Joel Osteen as I was getting ready for church. The practice has become routine, as our church service doesn't start till 11 and Joel comes on the tv at 9. I can't remember what the word is for a person's facination with what they abhor, but that word describes this Sunday morning ritual. I had never really known much about him or his teachings until a few months ago, but it didn't take long for me to start hurling household objects at our tv. As a huge fan of generalizations, I think I finally, today, put together why he is such a false teacher.

Let's see if I can make this make sense...

It comes as no surprise that Joel is part of the health/wealth/prosperity gospel craze, evidentally trying to instigate a resurge, since its era had fizzed due to all the scandals of Oral Roberts & co. Joel's daddy was huge in the movement, and, according to Joel, also boasted of no formal or seminary education.

I'm guessing that this is probably how all the health/wealth/prosperity gospel pastors opperated, but since I'm relatively young, it is baffling and attrocious. It occured to me today that what little from the Bible that Joel uses, he only uses as an allegory for how God wants us to be successful on earth. For example, a few weeks ago, he said that the virgin birth of Jesus means that we shouldn't let other men stand in our way, because Mary sure didn't let other men (or lack there-of) stand in the way of her dream. That is almost a direct quote! Now, asside from the fact that any moron could be fairly positive that having a baby outside of wedlock was NOT the dream of this good little Hebrew, what is missing here? A: What the birth of Christ actually means for history, prophesy, sinners, our understanding of God, HELLO?? He just used the prophesied virgin birth of the LORD of the universe to be a metaphor for how we should not let anyone get in the way of our debt (again, I'm almost quoting here), that we should let no one, not even our boss, get in the way of our promotion.

In today's "sermon", he so artfully related Jesus' experience on the cross and the few days before Galgotha to our times when we feel low. Jesus went through some pain, and so might we, but we just need to gut it out like He did was pretty much the message. He fell down when He was carrying His cross, and we might stumble too sometimes, but He had Simon to help Him out, and we'll have people to help us out too. oh how nice. And even when He was on the cross, He asked God to forgive those who had hurt Him, and we should do that too. And the best part is that He raised from the grave, just like he's going to raise us out of our debt/depression/low-paying job/flu/traffic jam/bad hair day. Isn't that wonderful???

Who had ever thought a sermon on Christ's sacrifice to pay for the sins of His chosen to satisfy a just God could be so "applicable" and completely meaningless. I can't believe that: 1)People actually listen to this yahoo, 2) He hasn't been struck by lightening yet, and 3)I didn't barf up my HoneyBunchesOfOats while watching this.

The fact that he makes so secular what is so sacred is completely appalling, that he makes people think that God is just an omnipresent genie that wants to make us happy in this life is so sickening, and that hundreds of thousands are led astray by his false teaching is so incredibly sad.

Students deserve better than easy

2008-04-16T08:40:00.001-05:00

Maybe I'm a big nerd -- okay, maybe? -- but I can't help making connections, hypothesizing, philosophizing, evaluating and all that other level six stuff. While studying and taking the GRE (entrance into grad school exam), I couldn't help to feel ashamed at my lack of literary repertoire. Even as an English major and one who's thoroughly enjoyed reading (some of my best memories were spent up in the tree reading Hatchet, Boxcar Children, etc), I am clearly not what people who made this test would call well-read. I am not completely discouraged at this, since now I have a vast book list filled with items to grow my intellectual compasity and expand my understanding of the world and human endeavors (of good and evil).

What I connected this to, however, is the growing emphasis on young adult novels being adopted into my teaching curriculum. Just a small chunk of low-down-info, for the honors class I'm teaching next year, we are required to teach a teen novel. Right now, my fellow teachers from across the district and I are choosing one of three delightful little reads (sarcasm inserted). Now I'm not against teens reading teen novels by any means. What I am against is using valuable classroom time (of which I'm becoming more and more aware of its brevity) and valuable instruction time for kids - who choose to be in an honors class - to read something that they could easily read on their own time and could easily deduce the profound (sarcasm again) meanings without my help. The argument by the team who gave us this requirement for the teen novel is that the students need diversity, whether that diversity of old vs. new or hard vs. easy, I'm not sure. Maybe I'll find that out in meetings to come.

My arguments, keeping in mind my connection to the GRE, are the following:

1) Students who choose (as they do in our district) to be in an honors class are signing up for challenge and rigor. The object of most teen novels is to reach out to kids who usually don't like to read by giving them easy-to-understand storylines about topics that interest them. These kids should already like to read if they enroll in honors class, and therefore the purpose of the teen novel is a moot point.

2) There are so many great works out there that have stood the test of time because their themes and ideas are universal and long lasting. Teen novels are usually pretty narrowly focused and deal with current, selfish, or trite issues - hence the simplicity noted above. Teen novels usually aren't "real life" as their promoters say. They usually focus on the tough problems that plague maybe 3% of teens. And worse, they usually promote self-centeredness, which is so prevalent already that it should not be encouraged even more.

3) I want my kids to read something that will benefit them having read it. These future AP or IB students should have guided access to as many works as possible that will help them succeed. I remember when I was given an AP reading list of about 100 books in high school, I was overwhelmed because we only read like 3 in class, and so I was expected to read as many as I could on my own. When studying for the GRE, I was likewise overwhelmed at all the works and authors I was expected to know. Therefore, why not give these young scholars as much deep literature as we can while we have them under our guidance. I would much rather be able to help my students through Orwell's 1984 than expect them to read and understand it on their own time because I'd rather teach them something that is more fun, easy, and "applicable" to them.

Softening them up is preparing them for failure, or at least overwhelmedness, like me.

"The idea of God has problems" for sinners

2008-04-07T21:55:00.002-05:00

Today I caught a broadcast of the American Center for Justice on BOTT radio network, and Jay Sekulow was discussing a college student’s email. This college student is in an Intro to Philosophy course at a secular university, and her professor has created a class blog in which all students must participate. As I understood the broadcast (thought I didn’t catch the whole thing) the professor started the blog string with the statement “The idea of God has problems,” and I’m guessing that he wanted all the students to accent and show the problems or something. Weird. Anyway, knowing what I know now (because of course I didn’t back when I would’ve taken such a course), I tried to call in to share what I think she should do (which includes not dropping the class), but I was too late to get on the show – to the detriment of all. However, I tried to email Mr. Sekulow, and my email had to be confined to 50 words or less. MAN THAT IS REDICULOUSLY HARD TO DO. So, knowing that God has given me wisdom and experience to share, I requested that he come here to see my thoughts. I pray he does, because I humbly think my point of view on the prompt could really help this young lady defend and further the Faith. Here’s my full letter (before I chopped it to two sentences)…

Mr. SeKulow~

I am writing in response to the question posed by a listener today. A college student wrote you of her philosophy professor forcing a web discussion with “The idea of God has problems.” I hope I am correct in this, since I did not catch the entire broadcast. I am a recent grad of a secular university myself, and I know too well the affront our faith faces at this level by cynical professors and fellow students. However, the statement “The idea of God has problems” is not at all a declaration that one should denounce her faith, but on the contrary, I would argue that it is an excellent spring board for the gospel.

Now I don’t know what else the professor said or wrote to this student, but if this is the prompt for the discussion, I would love to encourage her to take it in this philosophical light: of course the idea of God causes problems, because the idea of something holy, perfect, and omniscient makes we people see that we are not those things (which is a huge problem for us, since we [especially philosophers] are so prone to think highly of ourselves). The very fact that we like to think well of ourselves (romantic views of human nature, etc.) brings us into conflict with something that so obviously shows us that not only are we not what we think we are, but we are also guilty of all kinds of evil and deserving of death and hell. The God Who is perfect likewise demands perfection (for why would He accept anything less?), and if there is one fact that Christianity and any other worldview can agree on, that fact is that there has never lived one perfect human being. Therefore no one can earn his way to God. Philosophically, there is no way for us to gain the only thing we need. Metaphorically, people are up a creek without a paddle.

BUT (the biggest but in history) that is not the end of the story, because that is where the goodness of God Himself steps in as the only perfect person who ever lived to earn the perfection we need so that He might switch us places (in God the Father’s righteous judgment) and to die the death we deserve. Therefore He saved us from what we deserve and has given us what we cannot possibly earn. What an amazing plan! However, salvation is only possible for those who can admit they cannot earn it on their own, and therefore “The idea of God is has problems” only for those who want to be their own God. Because those who claim to not believe in God really just don’t want to submit to anything other than themselves, and that for sure is a problem.

I don’t know if this young woman of the faith plans to stay in the class, but because it wasn’t long ago that I was in her shoes, I’d really like to help her out and encourage her to be a real light for Christ in this situation. I wish I knew then what I know now; I think it would be invaluable for her to hear (or in this case, read) my stance on the issue. I am only a 23 year old 8th grade English teacher, but I am a woman who desperately seeks after God and who also thoroughly enjoys discussion about things of God. I believe that I got into my car at the particular time I did today in order to be a help to this young lady, and I hope that you will forward my email to her, or give her my email.

Thank you so much for your time!

Soli Deo Gloria,

Ali Barnes
ali.barnes24@gmail.com

"The Truth will set you free"

2008-04-05T20:59:00.002-05:00

This cliché started by none other than the Lord Himself is recorded in John 8:32. This phrase is misused often to mean that telling the truth will set a person free, when that is not what Jesus meant at all. He says this in conclusion to His answer to the crowd's question, "Who are you?"

It is no far stretch to deduce that there is a relation between this revelation and His proclamation in John 14:8, "I am the way, the Truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." Therefore, the "Truth" that sets one free is two-fold. First of all, the Truth is Christ Himself, as He claims it in John 8. As God incarnate, He is the personification of Truth, since it is impossible for God to lie and everything He ordains comes to pass. Therefore, according to 8:32, Christ Himself sets you free, which He fulfilled by His atoning work on the cross. The second take on the Truth that sets one free is the truth of the Gospel pertaining to Who He was and what He did. Knowing one’s need for the sacrificial work of Christ and trusting in His work alone for salvation will indeed set one free from the bondage of sin.

From now on, every time I hear or read this phrase, “The truth will set you free,” whether it is misused in a movie, speech, or book, I will – at least in my own mind – give thanks to the One Who is the Truth and has, is, and will set me free.

Those who can't look past their own stomach will never get fed

2008-03-28T16:29:00.001-05:00

Notes on John 6:26-42
The people following Jesus said they are "after a sign" of validity, but they had all the signs they needed; Jesus basically tells them to go away, accusing them of seeking more food for their bellies (since this is the day after the 5 loaves and 2 fish feast).

This is exactly what people are after today as well. However, they don't cleverly disguise it as the Jews do in verse 29-30: "What sign will you perform then, that we may see it and believe You?... Our fathers ate the manna in the desert." Ooohhh so they really were thinking about food. Sneaky sneaky. People today, on the other hand, have no shame in wanting a Jesus who meets merely their physical and emotional needs.

The problem with Jesus' audience as well as today's audience is the worldly focus. Jesus calls them out about the food: "Most assuredly, I say to you, you seek Me, not because you saw the signs, but because you ate of the loaves and were filled," which is the most basic and physical need, and therefore it should have been very insulting for them to follow food around like an obese and spoiled dog (vs 26). Their next item on the agenda is the emotional need of accomplishment: "What shall we do to work the works of God?" Do they care about God? Of course not - if they did, they'd ask how to please Him! They want to look righteous, which is fitting with other current pharasee-an actions and customs. Being outwardly religious was the pretty much the equivalent of today's worldly success. People treated the 'righteous' religious leaders like we treat our celebrities to an extent. So their plea could be like asking Jesus to make you rich/successful/popular/etc... only the latter is worse. I guess it's like saying: "God, tell me what to do so I can be rich, successful, and have everyone like me... (long pause) of course so I could give You credit for it." Riiiiiiight.

The last question they ask (vs 29-30 above) is evidence of either short-term memory loss, neglect to recognise what they just witnessed and filled their sinful stomachs on just one day earlier, or, most likely, a pretty smart attempt to get some more food ("hey, Jesus, I don't really believe it happened the first time; better feed me again so I know it's real"). Geez, how frustrating. No wonder He concludes that "No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him," because we are so ridiculously foolish until He opens our eyes to see past our own stomach.

Not so theological...

2008-03-25T20:26:00.001-05:00

If teachers are supposed to externally motivate their students to be internally motivated, isn't that a contradiction in terms?

Yesterday, I had my homeroom engage (though not so much) in an activity that required a smiggin of thinking outside the box. They had to line up in birthday order without talking. Two immediately cheated (I wanted to throw something hard or sticky at them), and then - when I finally got them off their behinds - looked at the floor and chose to be defeated. This lasted for what seemed like hours. Years later, I reminded them, "There are other ways to comunicate, you know," and then I got the deer in headlight look until I was thirty. The worst part was, when they finally got somewhat going (amidst the numerous rolled eyes) and finished with only a few mistakes, I asked them what they learned. The (serious) response, "That you should never have us do something this stupid again," "That that was too hard to do." I tried to redirect them - "What could you have done differently to make it a little better/easier?" Response: "I could've given up earlier."

What's sad is that these few that were actually conversing with me were very serious and this is not an isolated insident. In general, this crop of teenagers is so used to giving up at first sign of difficulty that they never give themselves the chance to grow into something more than they currently are (and let's just leave it at They have a great margin for improvement).

I pray that the Lord creates light in the darkness of the minds and hearts of these little ones, as only He can do, and gives them the willingness to thirst for life, thirst for learning, and mostly, thirst for Him. It's kind of like sharing the gospel - I know that I can't internally motivate them, since obviously I'm not inside them. I pray also that I can find the balance of wanting this passion for them, showing them my passion, and letting it go when they don't take hold (do I don't get so frustrated, drained, and hurt).

Light, Word, Knowledge, and the Glory of God

2008-03-24T19:35:00.001-05:00

"For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord, and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus' sake. For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ" ~2 Cor 4:5-6

By encouragement of a Grace to You podcast, I've been reading a book or 6 chapters through everyday for a month. I started with Philipians, since I was attempting to memorize it at the time, then Colossians, 1 John, and this month I am reading the gospel John 1-6 everyday. Sort of. I read 1-4 for the first half of the month, and 5-6 this half. They're pretty action-packed chapters!

A friend of mine once told me that her husband (before they were married, let's call him Bob, since I haven't asked his permission) went on a wilderness survival-type adventure for a week or weekend, and he carried his pocket-Bible with him. A fellow survivor, let's call him Frank who was not a Christian asked him about it, and Bob told the guy to read John and tell him what he thought. After reading the gospel, Frank told Bob, "This Jesus-guy is bad-a**"

I think that's a pretty good assessment! :) What I've noticed about John so far is how little time John spends on the actions and miracles of Jesus versus his discourse. Right from the start, you can tell it is going to be a more philisophical-type write, and John seems to focus more on what He says, with his actions being more of a backdrop for validity purposes. Now don't get me wrong, his miracles prove His sovereignty over nature, time, distance, physical needs, and even death, but these works of wonder and awe are not what made the Jews pick up stones or nail Him to the cross. Chapter 6 of John (and chps 8 &10, but I haven't gotten there yet) are so hard core, because Jesus outrightly declares the most earth-shaking words of history: "I AM" (Yahweh, the Lord of the Old Testament). He very (ahem) Frankly claimed to be GOD, which if He were lying about it, He completely deserved the worst kind of death possible for blasphemy. But in chp 5 He backs up His claim with the words of John the Baptist, the last and greatest OT prophet, His miracles, the witness of the Father, and the witness of the scriptural prophesy. Oh yes, He's the real deal.

In chp 6 Jesus also exposes much of what I think ties the words John and Paul alike use: light, word, knowledge, and glory. All having very significant meanings, both for Greeks and Hebrews at the time, these words reflect ideas of creation, enlightenment, life, and God. In Genesis, God speaks all creation into existance, and it is with that regard that in John chp 1, he calls Jesus the Word who was "in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him...In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it." (vs. 2-5). The darkness (we, people) could not comprehend it - why? because "There is no one righteous, no not one; There is none who understands; There is none who seek God" (Ps 14, Rom 3). Understand = Comprehend; we can do neither... which makes sense when Jesus says, "No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him" (Jn6:44). DanG! If that's not a nice little plug for predestination by the Man Himself! :)

Now I point to 2 Cor. 4:5-6 (at the top), in the same way that God spoke (Word/Jesus) the light to shine out of darkness (ex nihilo), so He speaks the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. IE, GOD CREATES OUR SALVATION just like He created light. In other words, even though we have nothing within us with which one could create salvation (sorry Pelagius, Armenius, Wesley and all you others), He did it just because, Frank-ly, He's "bad-a**".

His ridiculous plan of syncing it all together so perfectly, powerfully, and beautifully, is nothing short of ineffibly amazing. As my hubs would say, "He's just plain showing off." And we're all just fortuitous beneficiaries and witnesses of His glory that deserves eternal glorifying! Thank you!!!

2008-03-23T20:20:00.000-05:00

"In Christ Alone"
Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend
Copyright © 2001 Kingsway Thankyou Music

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

2008-03-22T19:45:00.001-05:00

Chicken and Egg; Which Can We Do Without?

To a Christian, this should be an easy question: Righteousness or Good Works – which one causes the other? Of course, to any Bible-dedicated student, the righteousness of Christ imputed from his sacrificial death is the catalyst of a Christian’s good works (a.k.a., fruit of the spirit, Christian charity, etc.). However, the superficial, experiential, easy-believism preached from today’s pulpits only focuses on the results of grace – works – and therefore neglects the cause – God. I’ve been fascinated by the cause-result relationships throughout doctrine, philosophy, education, life, and whatever else, because as a human race, we tend to cut corners, and this often incurs the disaster of either no result or one other than the result we were seeking in the first place. The irony lies in the fact that seeking only results leads to bad ones, thus, a vicious cycle.

Christianity has assimilated to this country’s obsession with pragmatism, where the proverbial end justifies the means. This sounds all fine and dandy, except that one forgets that an end cannot be achieved without means specified to that end. Rocket science, I know. Today, I’m focused on how this tragedy is destroying two important areas in my life: Gospel presentation and Church focus. I’m not advocating the dismissal of end-goals – since goals are important in any endeavor – but the achievement of quantity has extremely sacrificed the regard for quality.

Superficial Half-Christ

What is the primary goal of a church: “To preach Christ and Him crucified” (1Cor 2:2) or to bring in people – saved or preferably unsaved? Most people would argue that you cannot do the former without first accomplishing the latter, and therefore the church is so consumed with bringing in new crops of fresh faces that they “leave their first love” (Rev 2:4). Pragmatism has invaded the Church in many ways, but they all boil down to pleasing people over pleasing God. Churches by the masses have remodeled everything – from the look of the building, to the pews, to the music, to the gospel itself – to accommodate and “bring in” people who normally would not go to church. Therefore, churches become non-churches in order to look like a gym, a lecture hall, a business corridor, in order to become more “camouflaged” or “user-friendly”. I guess the idea is to disguise the fact that this is a church, and therefore people are so stupid that they can be fooled to believe that they are not actually in the house of the holy and demanding God of the universe. However, people must either actually be this stupid, or else they are so smart that they can truly trick themselves to believe that this new informal atmosphere reflects a newly uncaring, easily-satisfied, and thus unholy God. But enough about what the engineered structure says, let’s go to the next segment of the “worship service” one notices.

Is it just me, or does the term “Praise and Worship” denote singing praises TO God and not about ourselves singing to Him? If you ever want to get a good laugh (or become enraged, like me) actually listen to the words of today’s modern “worship” music. For one, you will hear the words “I” or “me” more than you will hear any name of the Lord. Not only that, but “worship” has become a mind-numbing, purely emotional experience instead of an edifying practice. For instance, John MacArthur calls most modern “worship” songs “7-Eleven” songs because you repeat seven words eleven times. You will then notice that it is precisely during this blank, meaningless incantation that most people feel the impulse to raise their hands, cry, or take other emotional actions, most likely because since the brain is not functioning, they have more mental energy to focus on other bodily actions. This is in stark contrast to most hymns of yore (and even recent ones) that contain deep, enriching, and beautiful doctrinal praises to the Lord. These words could even be read as sermons and studied as commentaries, they are so pregnant with meaning! But if we included an electric guitar solo, a hymn would be way too long, and we’d much rather have the cool music than intellectual worship, thank you very much. Modern churches have done away with hymns, I’ll argue, because people don’t want to think. But more on that later.

There are many other aspects about the modern church (or it may be more accurate to say current, since today’s church is really more postmodern in the sense of philosophy [more on that later too]) that are more geared toward pleasing unbelievers than real believers (let alone, GOD!), but for the sake of windiness, I’m going to skip to the “hinge upon which all turns” (to quote Luther speaking of predestination), which is the presentation and adherence to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. If churches focused on this, the matter of results would take care of itself, since Jesus Himself said that “The gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it” (Matt. 7:14). Jesus himself said that our churches would be small, that is, if our churches are filled with believers (as is the intent of a New Testament church), so then why are we trying to make them so big? Tithing, you might say? [sarcasm:] But I thought “the love of money was the root of all sorts of evil” (1 Tim 6:10). HMMMM… maybe Paul’s words could be directly implied here, since the love of money is causing millions of churches to turn away from the gospel to a self-indulgent, self-loving, Opra-like motivational speaking center.

What perplexes me most about today’s most popular health-wealth-happiness preachers is the total lack of God in their focus. They focus on YOU, the consumer (Yes, I did say Consumer). They try to explain what the Bible means to YOU, what it does for YOU, and how it’s going to make YOUr life better. It’s as if we created God to make us feel better about ourselves, an idea which seems to take its lead from Nietzche and other raving atheists of modernity. For example, on 60 Minutes a while ago, one of the most well-known “Christian” preachers and authors had to dodge an accusation that his “Christian” book explains how to be a better Christian, but scarcely mentions, God, Jesus, or the Bible. How ludicrous is that?!? This type of behavior robs Christianity of any validity among people with half of a brain. However, this take (or lack thereof) on God is logical when one considers that all natural people do not want to come face to face with what is holy (ahem, God), because when you see what is absolutely (yes, there are absolutes) holy, a person’s logical response is to see that he himself is not nor can be.

In the same way, Jesus has become like a over-marketed drug – something that can enhance your life, mask your symptoms, help you hit homeruns, and make you a better you (pun intended), but when it gets down to it, the widely-marked Jesus does not deal with your real problem, because, well, we don’t want to admit that there’s a deeper, not-so-easily-fixed source of one’s pain, discomfort, or lack of satisfaction with life. Jesus humbled Himself from His throne on high, took on human flesh, lived among us, died on the cross, and raised Himself from the dead for one purpose only: the redemption and atonement of his Bride, the Church (all believers). Sadly this truth is usually either thrown out as meaningless terms or else disregarded because it begs the question: What are we redeemed and atoned from? Ah…the forgotten twin of the gospel message.

The most disastrous result of church pragmatism is that people do not like to hear about their sin, and so therefore preachers stay away from the dirty, disgraceful side of the gospel. The first of the two sides of the gospel is: Who God is (Holy, Righteous, and Justly unable to accept anything less), versus who we are (even the best of us Unholy, Unrighteous, and completely Unable to earn God’s favor and salvation). That’s the side that most preachers today conveniently leave out because who wants to hear that we have no chance to get to heaven? In comes the infomercial transition: “But wait! There’s more!” to the second side of the gospel: “But God demonstrates His own love toward us: in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). The beautiful doctrine of imputation clarifies that “He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him” (1 Cor. 5:21). Thus, on the cross, He became our sin (which is why God forsook Him), and therefore as believers in Him as our Savior from the eternal punishment we deserve, we are given his earned righteousness and entrance into heaven. However, the second half of the gospel – God’s grace – does not make sense without the first half – our sinful predicament. In other words, without knowing what you’re saved from (sin), you can in no way know what you are being saved to (righteousness), and I’d argue that you’re just not saved, period.

The Overwhelming Questions

The problem with most current churches is that they are borrowing from pagan philosophies the ideas that there is no truth, that anyone’s interpretation is as good as anyone else’s, that we don’t need a Savior, and so on. The trend is to bring God down to our level, so that we don’t have to feel bad about not being able to get up to His. The real gospel is saturated and drowned out by sensationalism, and useless, foundationless emotion. People don’t want to think, because our sin is so extremely blatant, that thinking (once you are presented with the truth) for any prolonged period of time will usher in a sea of grievances.

My questions are: when this half-Christ is preached, can a person be saved from his sin if he does not even consider himself a sinner destined for hell? When this half-Christ is preached, can a person truly enjoy and praise God for grace as a gift he did not earn? When this half-Christ is preached, can a preacher understand that speaking the gospel through scripture is in itself the application? When this half-Christ is preached, can we start treating individual sins as symptoms of our Original Sin nature and not its cause? I would argue no to each of these questions, because when we fast forward to the “happy ending” of the gospel tale, it means nothing because in fast forwarding we don’t consider the fiery dragon that is slain within us for the victory, and therefore we cannot truly love our Savior.