The tummy plight continues…

Apparently many people have experienced or are experiencing the same problems I have, but a diagnosis takes forever and there’s not much helpful information out there. You may have come to notice, like I have, that doctors often act like the patient is an idiot or hypochondriac, and tests/hypotheses/diagnoses only come after multiple office visits, a number of inconvenient procedures, and kabillions of dollars.

The problem with watching the TV show House is that I have this expectation of a doctor figuring me out in a few days. Instead, you schedule an office visit (hopefully within a week if you’re lucky), they order a test (again, hopefully within a week) for which you have to take off work and fast, you wait a week for the results (in another office visit) – which are negative – warranting another test, and maybe after this process for a millennium they find what’s actually wrong with you. Okay, so I’m a little cynical, but that has felt like my experience, except that the doctor wanted me to wait 4 weeks between each visit to see if this general drug (Nexium) helps me out. What the heck?

So here are my symptoms:

Upper abdominal pain, right under my lower ribs, all the way across my front. It seems that this is where the diaphragm should be, maybe liver (who knew these things reached this high?). Pain and discomfort throughout the day, strongest about an hour after meals, but can come and go seemingly at random. Pain seams more severe after eating fatty foods or wheat products, and I think coffee might trigger it too. Also I’ve had a lot of strange, deep burping (sorry so gross). No nausea, though, thank goodness!

Tests and other fun things:

The pain first started a few weeks after shoulder surgery. I originally thought the stomach pain was a symptom of an ovarian cyst that was causing other problems, but that cyst burst (not fun) and the stomach pain continued. Since the gyno saw an overgrowth in yeast, I went on the candida diet (blog post) to see if it’d also help my stomach. On a sans-sugar/yeast/wheat diet, my symptoms weren’t as bad, but they were definitely still there, so I went the GI.

The GI ordered an EGD (scope down the esophagus, through the stomach, into the small intestine), which was clean – nothing that the doctor wanted to biopsy or anything. So then she ordered an abdominal ultrasound, which was also clean – no gallstones. I then had the GI draw blood to check for Celiac disease (since wheat seems to aggravate some problems), and she also ordered a CCK Pipida scan, which I did on Friday. In the Pipida scan, you are injected with dye that lights up your gall bladder while you lie on the table with the CT scan over you and wait for what can take anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour. When your gall bladder lights up, then the tech injects you with CCK, a chemical that makes your gall bladder contract, just like it does when your body digests food. This scan takes 30-45 minutes, and the machine takes a lot of pictures while your gall bladder is working. The tech said that you may or may not experience the same symptoms that you normally do with digestion (I did), but usually not more than usual (contrary to what I feared from online research). So the Pipida scan can take anywhere from an hour to two hours, given how long it takes for the gall bladder to light up.

Even though the GI said I’d have to wait 10-14 days for my results, the tech at Diagnostic Images said I’d be able to call my doc for the results in two business days (which will be tomorrow). I can’t wait, since I’ll get both the celiac test results and the Pipida scan results tomorrow! At this point, I’m totally prepared for the “negative” findings and the you-must-be-crazy look from the doctor because that’s all I’ve gotten thus far. However, many people (several more than I thought) have gone through this, and the Pipida scan was the deciding factor for them, even after having all negatives up to that point. Not that I’m hoping for something to be wrong, but I know there is something wrong (why else would I all-of-a-sudden feel this way, and keep feeling this way for months?), and I want an answer so we can fix/treat it. Hopefully that answer comes Monday! :)

"Before the Throne of God Above"

Before the throne of God above,

I have a strong and perfect plea. (Heb 4:15-16)
A great High Priest whose Name is Love (Heb 4:14)
Who ever lives and pleads for me. (Heb 7:25)
My name is graven on His hands, (Isa 49:16)
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in Heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart. (Rom 8:34)

When Satan tempts me to despair (Luke 22:31-32)
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there (Acts 7:55-56)
Who made an end of all my sin. (Col 2:13-14)
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me. (Rom 3:24-26)

Behold Him there the risen Lamb, (Rev 5:6)
My perfect spotless righteousness, (1 Cor 1:30; 1 Peter 1:18-19)
The great unchangeable I AM, (Heb 13:8; John 8:58)
The King of glory and of grace,
One in Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood, (Acts 20:28)
My life is hid with Christ on high, (Col 3:3)
With Christ my Savior and my God! (Tit 2:13)

The hymn written by Charitie Lees Bancroft is so beautifully moving, and as Chuck Bumgardener points out in his blog, there is soooo much scriptural truth woven through the poem (I've pasted his references above).

Christ's substitution for us on the cross is an awe-full truth that never will cease to move me, and the beauty of His love and grace leaves this purchased sinner speechless, except praise and glory be to God!

Candida or Candonta

I don’t know what it was about year 25, but it seems my body thought my life was too easy, so it decided to rebel to keep me ‘entertained’ of sorts. An ovarian cyst that was spotted last summer became extremely painful in January, but by the time I finally got in to see the doctor, the ultrasound was clean, leaving me to think the angst I went through a few weeks prior was the cyst bursting (fine by me – get it out of here!). I guess my hypothesis was not very rational to the doc, because she insists my pain is a hernia, and that I need to see another doctor if the pain persists; lucky for me it hasn’t! However, the gyno also spotted a yeast infection, which I hypothesize (why can’t I stop doing that?!?) took over due to the round of antibiotics I took to abate the sinus infection brought on my down immune system after shoulder surgery. Bleh. I’m thankful that I don’t have the “normal” symptoms of a yeast infection, but I did tell the doc that my stomach has been killing me especially after meals, and my whole gut has felt yucky for a few weeks. At the time, I figured the feeling was linked to the cyst, while the doc passed it off as the flu. Now I think both of us were wrong.

Dr. Mom suggested that the stomach pain was in fact the yeast infection, for when yeast overpopulates it enjoys taking over everything, and the round of antibiotics killed all my good yeast-killing bacteria, so the yeast multiplied like bunnies on my heavenly high-carb diet. Now I’m an extremely healthy carb lover: whole grains and loads of fruit are my favorite things (well, with an occasional [daily] chocolate/ice cream indulgence). After researching the web, I found that the old adage about Dr. Mom is pretty darn accurate – she does know best.

I found many websites describing the yeast infection problem, called Candida Albicans; one website describing the condition as: “Candida Albicans is an opportunistic fungus (or form of yeast) that is the cause of many undesirable symptoms ranging from fatigue and weight gain, to joint pain and gas. The Candida yeast is a part of the gut flora, a group of microorganisms that live in your mouth and intestine. When the Candida population starts getting out of control it weakens the intestinal wall, penetrating through into the bloodstream and spreading throughout the body.” Candida Albicans is usually misdiagnosed as the flu or IBS, and long-lasting troubles can result, such as food allergies, joint problems, organ problems, and slow and painful death. Okay, so no website claims that last one. However, food allergies seem terrible – my gluten and dairy-free diet experiment a year ago was probably the worst three-month period of my life – and I really feel bad for people who spend their days meticulously reading labels and limiting their restaurant experiences. No fun. Which brings me to the Candida Diet.

Apparently, the only natural way to beat the yeast (and not risk destroying my liver) is to starve it out. Since yeast feeds on sugar, anything that turns into sugar cannot be consumed on this diet. That means any fruits or grains too. Neither can one consume anything with caffeine, vinegar, or corn; I never knew until now how almost every type of food has these yeast cultivating ingredients in them!

So what can one eat on the Candida Diet? Basically meats, most veggies, oils, probiotics, limited dairy (thank goodness I can have yogurt, as long as it’s the low low sugar plain kind), and nuts (non-peanut). So what I went through on the gluten and dairy-free diet is NOTHING compared to this!!!

Starving the yeast can take a few weeks, and then the sufferer can slowly add back in low-sugared fruits, etc. So expect me to be a really grumpy person for at least a few weeks, because without sugar and chocolate, my serotonin is at insanely low levels!

Hopefully this works; if I’m still feeling yucky after all I can handle of this trial, I’ll opt for the meds, but any other suggestions and/or encouragement is much needed and appreciated! In the meantime, pass the peppermint tea, celery, and hummus, please! Nom nom nom.

Why I Blog... (also titled, Justifying my Whims)

I started this blog for many reasons, hopefully none of them for mere vanity, though that may be the first impression anyone (myself included) has when they first view any blog.

Blog rationale #1: Writing practice. I’m not a professional writer, as any fool can see through mediocre sketches I produce, but as an 8^th grade English teacher who wants to keep the door open for something higher someday, I want to prevent the mental wheels from rusting out completely. Therefore, I continue to read classics and review them when I can (blog on Tale of Two Cities coming soon). I also am a huge fan of writing as an art form, and though I’m not delusional enough to believe I am a gifted artist, I believe it’s beneficial to exercise the cerebral muscles. I greatly enjoyed writing essays in college because it’s only through writing that one slows down enough to organize thoughts, work them into a logical argument, and therefore truly learn from a work of literature; this is a process I regret leaving behind, and since I’m not entertaining the thought of grad school for awhile so I don’t totally tank as a wife, blogging occasionally absorbs me in the intellectual hobby I miss.

Blog rationale #2: To help/save my marriage. Kind of kidding here, but for real, I am a weirdo who houses pint-up thoughts that compile and build to the point where they just may erupt at any given moment if I don’t release them in due time. My hubby Chris is a busy guy who doesn’t need to hear all my endless rants, musings, analyses, “level 6ness,” etc. while he’s studying for his chiropractic career or editing photos. So when I get to the point of near self-destruction from too much compressed activity upstairs, I spill it out on the computer instead of to his deer-in-headlights/glazed over countenance. As Chris puts it, the blog is my therapy, which is probably his excuse for not letting me get weekly massages. J

Blog rationale #3: Feedback. Why don’t I just keep a journal? This opinion may be totally wrong, but I feel a journal is more selfish than a blog because no one would read it but me. Also, I’m not as motivated to write something no one will read: my time is better spent elsewhere. And thirdly, I’d most likely be more negative and self-pitying if no one were to read my journal, and who needs more avenues for woe-is-me-ness. I doubt many people read my blog, but it’s a way to share my ideas, convictions, or silly musings and see what people think about them, if they think about them at all. It doesn’t take many posts to reveal how opinionated I am, but suffice it to say that there’s a difference between believing something because you want it to be so and basing your beliefs on what you’ve read and read and have found to be logically consistent and true. I do appreciate feedback, even in the form of criticism, as long as it’s not just attempts to pick holes through every detail of an argument; no one needs that either.

Eventually this will be a blog about our family, so people we’ve met in the places we’ve lived can keep up with us. I love watching my friends’ children grow up and letting them know how cuuuuute pics and happenings are! Maybe someday we’ll have cutie-patootie little Barnezys for everyone to fawn over.

So to sum up, don’t expect anything crazy-mind-blowing, and don’t expect perfection in print, but do expect some thought-provoking, entertaining, sarcastic, random “streams of consciousness” from this gal.

Grace Abounds

This is a link to a 12-minute sermonette by my brother Asher, titled "Grace Abounds," a very liberating analysis of Romans 5:20-21, where Paul displays the wonderful and necessary balance of God's Law to humble the proud and God's Gospel to lift the humble! If the embedded link doesn't work, you may listen to his powerful message here.

This Chick Digs Scars

2 Corinthians 5: 1-10 - 1 For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2 Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, 3 because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4 For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5 Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

6 Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. 7 For we live by faith, not by sight. 8 We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 9 So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. 10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

This past year the Lord has taught me a lot. Not as much in means of intellect or theology as application and practice. Being an athlete, I’ve experienced episodes of pain, from broken bones to shin splints to muscle spasms, but it was ironically after my athletic career that I had a bout with real chronic pain. This past calendar year I had chronic fatigue that doctors couldn’t figure out, ovarian cysts that are still causing me pain, Morton’s Neuroma in my foot and undefined pain in my hip. that halted my running, and, of course, two shoulder surgeries. Prior to 2010, my health insurance liked me. Now, not so much.

Through what has seemed like wave after wave of “what else could go wrong with this stinking body?” the Lord has been faithful, and all this has driven me to Him as my sole comforter and hope. Some positive aspects of these trials include:

1. Recognition of the frailty of this earthly tent. At the ripe old age of 25, I’m reminded that this ain’t no heavenly body, and aches and pains make me even more grateful that this isn’t all I have to look forward to. In a weird way I’m simultaneously more cognizant about my body (multiple issues does that) and yet less focused on it superficially (which is a big struggle for me).
2. Empathy for others in pain. I had never understood how much pain consumes you and changes your personality. When so much is going wrong and you’re scheduling a multitude of doctor visits and various tests and no one seems to believe that you’re really feeling what you know you are, it’s hard to stay sane, positive, and unselfish. Before all this, my heart was pretty callous toward people plagued with these kinds of trials. Now, hopefully, I can be more help to others in need.
3. Choosing joy and hope over worry. I can’t really put a check in this box yet, but I know this is something God is still working in me. To me, the unknown is the worst part of health issues, and like I stated above, it’s hard to take your mind off it. Indefinite MRIs, doctors who misread ultrasounds and then tell you “Eh, it’s probably no big deal,” and multiple blood tests that show no reason why you feel this way are all frustrating. This makes me feel terrible for people who have nothing else to live for but the here and now, for I don’t have to read far into the scriptures to return to the joy of my salvation.
4. Rejoicing in the drudgery. And by drudgery here I mean the slow and steady road of recovery. Right now I’m thankful that I’m not trying to get back to a sport, because shoulder surgery (especially mine where they redid everything except the bones) is the most difficult surgery to rehabilitate (because it has the most range of motion and is a smallish joint). I can see why many people become depressed in Physical Therapy (it’s been three months and I can only lift three pounds… are you kidding me?!), but I’m so thankful that I have a great PT and that self-discipline is my middle name – or OCD, whatever. Needless to say, PT is fun for me, even though it sucks, and I try to spread a little joy and humor to those who are going through the Valley of Death-by-Endless-Rehab with me.
5. My husband and family have provided me with so much encouragement, stability, and Kleenex. Trials bring us closer together, showing us how we really do and should depend on each other.

Physical difficulties and victories can teach us so much. I think the main struggle is that we tend to make bodily circumstances more than what they are. There’s so much we learn through athletics, through pain, through triumph, through sickness, through healing, through scars, that we can derive metaphors and lessons for life, but the physical is not life itself, just part of it. Adverse physical circumstances should draw us closer to the One who makes life more than just physical.

Rainy (or Snowy) Day Food Activity

I saw this activity in a Whole Foods magazine/coupon book/recipe ad... I don't know exactly what you'd call the publication. However, you (parent) have your kid draw a plate and choose a food from each color to draw on the plate. Older kids can add up the cost of their meal or figure out what the cheapest meal would be or figure out which meal they could buy with $1.57. Super cool way to teach kids about foods, colors, nutrition, math, art, etc! You could even show them still life paintings and let them water-color their way to greatness... okay, so that's the advanced version.

Parents, let me know what you think... otherwise, you won't get a review of this activity for about 5-7 years. :)

Abortion: a not-so-silent killer anymore

I read on AlbertMohler.com that The New York Times reported on January 6, 2011 that the abortion rate in New York City is about 40 percent of all pregnancies and almost 60% of African American pregnancies…insert time to double-take… That means on average, more than two of every five pregnant women in the world’s most recognizable city choose to kill their babies. This is by far the most tragic statistic I’ve probably ever read.

I recall a conversation wherein my dad described abortion as the most unnatural and inhumane action a parent could ever perform. What is more basic than a parent’s instinct to protect her young? That’s even the most fundamental intuition among animals, since the survival of one’s offspring is essential to a species. A parent’s choosing her own life (especially when it is some ridiculously trivial aspect of life, like career, for example) over the existence of her child, is backwards, inhumane, and ultimately completely depravedly selfish. In no other case does a law permit a “choice” to end another human being’s life without his or her consent.

In October 2010, Dr. Mohler blogged about Dr. Mildred Jefferson, the first black woman to graduate from the Harvard Medical School, who was outspokenly against abortion and Roe v. Wade during her lifetime. She once summarized her sense of urgency to reverse the infamous case with these words: “I am at once a physician, a citizen and a woman, and I am not willing to stand aside and allow this concept of expendable human lives to turn this great land of ours into just another exclusive reservation where only the perfect, the privileged and the planned have the right to live.” In America, Planned Parenthood began because of the eugenics movement – the idea that people could breed a more superior race by preventing pregnancies and births of “less fit” the genes – a philosophy that had its roots in (though is also a distortion of) Darwin’s theory of Natural Selection, and a movement that was the basis of the Nazi Party’s practices in Germany.

Since abortion is the termination of an unwanted pregnancy, the real problem is, of course, adultery. People want to sin without consequences, so they try to kill and bury the consequence as if that itself will not have additional consequences.

That people can end the lives of their unborn children is unbelievable. That physicians who have taken an oath to “do no harm” can knowingly kill a living human being is unthinkable. That murder has been legalized by authorities who have sworn to protect the lives of citizens is deplorable. That the public has become desensitized to this wretched and foreboding practice is alarming.

What can we do to help those who are deceived into believing abortion is acceptable, or even the only way to “deal with” conceiving a child?

ProKindle – ConKindle

I love reading. I wish I read more. I’ve been told to get the Kindle, and my mom even was going to get me one for Christmas, but I’ve been hesitant and reluctant toward the device. Currently, I carry big fat books around with me everywhere – right now I have Dickens’s Tale of Two Cities/Great Expectations – I love the feel of books, the smell of books, the look of books stacked up on the shelves, trophies of my victorious literary achievements. With the Kindle, I’d lose those sensory pleasures, but would I gain enough make the swap worthwhile?

Pros:

• Fits in my purse – even a small purse!
• I could have multiple books with me at one time (the Bible is most appealing in this point). This is especially ideal for light traveling.
• Pre-1923 books are free to download – I read mostly classic works, so I’d spend waaaaaay less on books.
• The Kindle can read to you (I didn’t know about this feature!), so it turns into audiobooks (for free), for when I’m driving or whatever.
• You can search your library for key words or phrases – great for looking up quotes or Bible verses.
• You can highlight or bookmark, though I doubt this really has the same effect as doing so in an actual book.
• The font is adjustable – I’m thinking this would be great for the gym, where I can enlarge the font and place the Kindle on the elliptical/stair-of-death/bike and not have to wear out my shoulder holding my big fat novel (drudgery I currently inflict on myself).

Cons:

• Sensory aspects of an actual book, listed above. I’m pretty sure I’d really miss that. There’s something personal and emotional to me about books, weird, eh
• Seeing my books – and others seeing them – conversation starter – ok, pride.
• Feeling the book – turning the page, etc. Each page stores the ideas and emotions experienced on that page’s story, or the sweat produced at the gym while reading that page on the bike (haha).
• Smelling like old books – I’m okay without this one. :)
• My bookshelf wouldn’t bolster my pride. I phrase it this way to convict myself – this should not be a con. :)

What do you think? Other pros/cons? Should I ask for a Kindle for my birthday?

John MacArthur Rebukes Joel Osteen

“When men and women are awakened to the facts of judgment and their own sin, they become eager listeners to the Good News of the Savior who brings forgiveness. There is grace in such preaching because any Christ whom men receive without being in the wilderness, without the stern preacher of sin and judgment, is but half a Christ, and the vital half is missing.” - Kent Hughes

My husband Chris showed me this video clip of John MacArthur, renowned Bible expositor and preacher, who I've been listening to via my dad for as long as I can remember. MacArthur is never one to beat around the bush because, as he says it, his prerogative is to present and defend the true gospel of Jesus Christ. He rarely publicly rebukes specific false preachers, and he does so only after they have refused his private counsel to preach the Word, lest they keep leading others astray. I recently listened to an interview on apostasy where MacArthur explained that since he was younger, he has been extremely distressed by friends that have "abandoned" the faith because they were deceived - whether by self or a false teacher - and therefore he aims to expose false teachers in order to protect people from their lies, because the followers of these distorters think they're christians when they are not.

In this clip, MacArthur goes so far as to call Osteen and others like him "satanic", which is shocking, but someone needs to say it, for anyone presenting a half-gospel is leading his followers to hell, and therefore the term is fitting. Osteen would be a fine secular motivational speaker, and seems like a great guy, but he distorts the Bible as if it's all about our present comfort, trying make us bigger and God smaller. I've watched Osteen sermons on TV where he diminishes the main points of Jesus's birth, ministry, and death to some weak self-help example instead of (like the Bible) proclaiming the Messiah's redemption of sinful man. Chris can vouch that he made me vow to never watch Osteen again because I've almost damaged our TV by hurling things in the direction of Osteen's image.

Without exposing sin, there is no gospel. Without a God who detests sin, there is no gospel. Without exposing the therefore consequences of sin, there is no gospel. Without highlighting God Himself becoming man, yet without sin, paying the consequences of our sin for us, and abating the wrath of a justly angry God, there is no gospel.

Those who merely believe that God is here to make our lives better do not believe in the God of the Bible, which is a huge tragedy. Those who "receive" Christ without the stirred preaching of sin and judgment, and therefore have not repented from their sins, turned from their ways, and sought to follow Him though it cost them every worldly thing, have not received the gift of Christ offered in the Bible. For if you don't think you need to be saved from anything, how can you be saved at all? A "half" gospel is a damning one, for it produces deceived people who are then unreceptive to what the Bible says about real things like sin and death and hell and a just Judge. They'd "rather" believe in a fluffy, fake god who accepts people the sinful way they are, requires nothing of them, and will give them any trite thing they want in order to have their "best life now", which (J.M. so perceptively puts it) means there is either is no heaven or they don't care to go there.

Chris and others who have posted this video have received some harsh criticism by people who incorrectly interpret scripture that we should not judge others to mean that we should blindly and indiscernibly let distorters lead our friends astray by tickling their ears with hollow, false, worldly hope. Other critics claim the postmodern ideal that no one knows truth, so therefore Osteen's interpretation of the Bible just as valid as MacArthur's... to which I just laugh at the ignorance. There's a difference between opinion and research, and, as I said before, MacArthur is one of the most well-known (world-wide) preachers for how well he teaches the Bible, verse by verse, word by word, every Sunday. Few people in the world today know the Bible as well as MacArthur. As lastly, to repeat just as a disclaimer, MacArthur rarely rebukes other pastors, his sermons are always straight from scripture (as I just said), and calling those who are in error to repentance and truth is the most loving gesture any Christian can perform. May God forgive us all from vices we commit or say, and may we daily seek knowledge and understanding of Who He has revealed Himself to be in his precious Word.

As seen in my closet...

So I'm a sucker for those stinking persuasive infomercials that seem (and usually are) too good to be true. What saves me is my stinginess: no I will NOT spend my hard-earned three installments of $19.95!!! However, I do have a Magic Bullet food processing thingie that I asked for at our wedding (if someone could show me how they make those amazing dishes with it, please do so!), I rocked to Turbo Jam (which may have been what shredded my shoulder), I cancelled a speed reading program because I suffered too much buyer's remorse before it arrived, and Friday night I purchased the latest "As seen on TV" item: the Magic Hanger closet organizer.

Why? I was set to buy one of those hangers at Bed Bath and Beyond that hangs 6 blouses on one hanger - I have a few for pants, and they are a must if you refuse to rid yourself of attire you donned in high school - when I turned the corner, and there was the Magic Hanger that I remembered seeing some happy lady organizing her stuffed closet on TV. I don't usually succumb to these things, except there are 8 of these miraculous devices in a $10 box! The one hanger that I was going to buy was $7, so the infomercial wonder was worth a shot.

And it was! See 4 of the 8 here: http://yfrog.com/h3jgztj Not only does this little piece of plastic conserve much-needed closet space, but it helps me organize my styles as well - cardigans here, t-shirts there, etc! I'm sure this Magic hanger will really benefit my travel garment bag as well.

I'm so stoked, it makes me wonder if I should give the speed-reading program a second shot!

Resolution 2010

"Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life." - Jonathan Edwards

It's a new year, which means another (probably failed) attempt to resurrect my blog. Maybe if I keep my blogs short, sweet, and to the point, it wouldn't be so daunting a task, but I'll be the first to admit that that's near impossible.

New Year's also mean resolutions, and who is better at that than the resolver himself, Jonathan Edwards. When I read his "Resolutions" #7 above, I immediately sank into a pensive, even melancholy state, and thought on how trite all my day-to-day business seems. Wake up, shower, do PT exercises (if anyone reads this who doesn't know me - I had shoulder surgery [maybe could've used that for a blog - eh, maybe later]), eat oatmeal, go to school, come home, work out, make dinner, do housewifey stuff, do PT exercises, read maybe a word before crashing into slumber. Bleh!

Goodness, gracious, did I do a single thing today that I would do if it were the last hour of my life? I wasn't too fond of ol' Jon for a moment as I jealously considered that it was his stinking job to share the gospel every day and he had a wife to take care of everything, and I mean everything, else. I wonder if he'd say he wanted Sarah to have the same resolution: "Nope, honey, I wouldn't be washing diapers for our 37 kids if I had one more hour to live!" Ok, self-pity mode subsided with that image.

So then I started to consider the overall intent through most of Jon's resolutions, notably #6: "to live with all my might, while I do live, " and especially #1, which is repeatedly echoed: "Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God's glory, and my own good, profit and pleasure, in the whole of my duration, without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriad's of ages hence. Resolved to do whatever I think to be my duty and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved to do this, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many and how great soever." When considered in light of Colossians 3:23, "Whatever you do, do it with all your heart, as serving the Lord and not men," it became clearer to me that it's how I serve others joyfully through my day to day tasks (and even more so when we someday have children) that brings glory to God. It's not so much that every second I need to so something spectacular, as if I'm closing my earthly chapter with a bang, but that each second I do whatever I'm doing to glorify God and bring others closer to Him.

So that's my resolution. It's not exactly measurable, except by honest assessment, and I know I will fail at it more often than not, but a heart that delights in the Lord is always something to strive for.