This Chick Digs Scars

2 Corinthians 5: 1-10 - 1 For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2 Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, 3 because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4 For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5 Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

6 Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. 7 For we live by faith, not by sight. 8 We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 9 So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. 10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

This past year the Lord has taught me a lot. Not as much in means of intellect or theology as application and practice. Being an athlete, I’ve experienced episodes of pain, from broken bones to shin splints to muscle spasms, but it was ironically after my athletic career that I had a bout with real chronic pain. This past calendar year I had chronic fatigue that doctors couldn’t figure out, ovarian cysts that are still causing me pain, Morton’s Neuroma in my foot and undefined pain in my hip. that halted my running, and, of course, two shoulder surgeries. Prior to 2010, my health insurance liked me. Now, not so much.

Through what has seemed like wave after wave of “what else could go wrong with this stinking body?” the Lord has been faithful, and all this has driven me to Him as my sole comforter and hope. Some positive aspects of these trials include:

1. Recognition of the frailty of this earthly tent. At the ripe old age of 25, I’m reminded that this ain’t no heavenly body, and aches and pains make me even more grateful that this isn’t all I have to look forward to. In a weird way I’m simultaneously more cognizant about my body (multiple issues does that) and yet less focused on it superficially (which is a big struggle for me).
2. Empathy for others in pain. I had never understood how much pain consumes you and changes your personality. When so much is going wrong and you’re scheduling a multitude of doctor visits and various tests and no one seems to believe that you’re really feeling what you know you are, it’s hard to stay sane, positive, and unselfish. Before all this, my heart was pretty callous toward people plagued with these kinds of trials. Now, hopefully, I can be more help to others in need.
3. Choosing joy and hope over worry. I can’t really put a check in this box yet, but I know this is something God is still working in me. To me, the unknown is the worst part of health issues, and like I stated above, it’s hard to take your mind off it. Indefinite MRIs, doctors who misread ultrasounds and then tell you “Eh, it’s probably no big deal,” and multiple blood tests that show no reason why you feel this way are all frustrating. This makes me feel terrible for people who have nothing else to live for but the here and now, for I don’t have to read far into the scriptures to return to the joy of my salvation.
4. Rejoicing in the drudgery. And by drudgery here I mean the slow and steady road of recovery. Right now I’m thankful that I’m not trying to get back to a sport, because shoulder surgery (especially mine where they redid everything except the bones) is the most difficult surgery to rehabilitate (because it has the most range of motion and is a smallish joint). I can see why many people become depressed in Physical Therapy (it’s been three months and I can only lift three pounds… are you kidding me?!), but I’m so thankful that I have a great PT and that self-discipline is my middle name – or OCD, whatever. Needless to say, PT is fun for me, even though it sucks, and I try to spread a little joy and humor to those who are going through the Valley of Death-by-Endless-Rehab with me.
5. My husband and family have provided me with so much encouragement, stability, and Kleenex. Trials bring us closer together, showing us how we really do and should depend on each other.

Physical difficulties and victories can teach us so much. I think the main struggle is that we tend to make bodily circumstances more than what they are. There’s so much we learn through athletics, through pain, through triumph, through sickness, through healing, through scars, that we can derive metaphors and lessons for life, but the physical is not life itself, just part of it. Adverse physical circumstances should draw us closer to the One who makes life more than just physical.