The tummy plight continues…

Apparently many people have experienced or are experiencing the same problems I have, but a diagnosis takes forever and there’s not much helpful information out there. You may have come to notice, like I have, that doctors often act like the patient is an idiot or hypochondriac, and tests/hypotheses/diagnoses only come after multiple office visits, a number of inconvenient procedures, and kabillions of dollars.

The problem with watching the TV show House is that I have this expectation of a doctor figuring me out in a few days. Instead, you schedule an office visit (hopefully within a week if you’re lucky), they order a test (again, hopefully within a week) for which you have to take off work and fast, you wait a week for the results (in another office visit) – which are negative – warranting another test, and maybe after this process for a millennium they find what’s actually wrong with you. Okay, so I’m a little cynical, but that has felt like my experience, except that the doctor wanted me to wait 4 weeks between each visit to see if this general drug (Nexium) helps me out. What the heck?

So here are my symptoms:

Upper abdominal pain, right under my lower ribs, all the way across my front. It seems that this is where the diaphragm should be, maybe liver (who knew these things reached this high?). Pain and discomfort throughout the day, strongest about an hour after meals, but can come and go seemingly at random. Pain seams more severe after eating fatty foods or wheat products, and I think coffee might trigger it too. Also I’ve had a lot of strange, deep burping (sorry so gross). No nausea, though, thank goodness!

Tests and other fun things:

The pain first started a few weeks after shoulder surgery. I originally thought the stomach pain was a symptom of an ovarian cyst that was causing other problems, but that cyst burst (not fun) and the stomach pain continued. Since the gyno saw an overgrowth in yeast, I went on the candida diet (blog post) to see if it’d also help my stomach. On a sans-sugar/yeast/wheat diet, my symptoms weren’t as bad, but they were definitely still there, so I went the GI.

The GI ordered an EGD (scope down the esophagus, through the stomach, into the small intestine), which was clean – nothing that the doctor wanted to biopsy or anything. So then she ordered an abdominal ultrasound, which was also clean – no gallstones. I then had the GI draw blood to check for Celiac disease (since wheat seems to aggravate some problems), and she also ordered a CCK Pipida scan, which I did on Friday. In the Pipida scan, you are injected with dye that lights up your gall bladder while you lie on the table with the CT scan over you and wait for what can take anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour. When your gall bladder lights up, then the tech injects you with CCK, a chemical that makes your gall bladder contract, just like it does when your body digests food. This scan takes 30-45 minutes, and the machine takes a lot of pictures while your gall bladder is working. The tech said that you may or may not experience the same symptoms that you normally do with digestion (I did), but usually not more than usual (contrary to what I feared from online research). So the Pipida scan can take anywhere from an hour to two hours, given how long it takes for the gall bladder to light up.

Even though the GI said I’d have to wait 10-14 days for my results, the tech at Diagnostic Images said I’d be able to call my doc for the results in two business days (which will be tomorrow). I can’t wait, since I’ll get both the celiac test results and the Pipida scan results tomorrow! At this point, I’m totally prepared for the “negative” findings and the you-must-be-crazy look from the doctor because that’s all I’ve gotten thus far. However, many people (several more than I thought) have gone through this, and the Pipida scan was the deciding factor for them, even after having all negatives up to that point. Not that I’m hoping for something to be wrong, but I know there is something wrong (why else would I all-of-a-sudden feel this way, and keep feeling this way for months?), and I want an answer so we can fix/treat it. Hopefully that answer comes Monday! :)

"Before the Throne of God Above"

Before the throne of God above,

I have a strong and perfect plea. (Heb 4:15-16)
A great High Priest whose Name is Love (Heb 4:14)
Who ever lives and pleads for me. (Heb 7:25)
My name is graven on His hands, (Isa 49:16)
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in Heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart. (Rom 8:34)

When Satan tempts me to despair (Luke 22:31-32)
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there (Acts 7:55-56)
Who made an end of all my sin. (Col 2:13-14)
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me. (Rom 3:24-26)

Behold Him there the risen Lamb, (Rev 5:6)
My perfect spotless righteousness, (1 Cor 1:30; 1 Peter 1:18-19)
The great unchangeable I AM, (Heb 13:8; John 8:58)
The King of glory and of grace,
One in Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood, (Acts 20:28)
My life is hid with Christ on high, (Col 3:3)
With Christ my Savior and my God! (Tit 2:13)

The hymn written by Charitie Lees Bancroft is so beautifully moving, and as Chuck Bumgardener points out in his blog, there is soooo much scriptural truth woven through the poem (I've pasted his references above).

Christ's substitution for us on the cross is an awe-full truth that never will cease to move me, and the beauty of His love and grace leaves this purchased sinner speechless, except praise and glory be to God!

Candida or Candonta

I don’t know what it was about year 25, but it seems my body thought my life was too easy, so it decided to rebel to keep me ‘entertained’ of sorts. An ovarian cyst that was spotted last summer became extremely painful in January, but by the time I finally got in to see the doctor, the ultrasound was clean, leaving me to think the angst I went through a few weeks prior was the cyst bursting (fine by me – get it out of here!). I guess my hypothesis was not very rational to the doc, because she insists my pain is a hernia, and that I need to see another doctor if the pain persists; lucky for me it hasn’t! However, the gyno also spotted a yeast infection, which I hypothesize (why can’t I stop doing that?!?) took over due to the round of antibiotics I took to abate the sinus infection brought on my down immune system after shoulder surgery. Bleh. I’m thankful that I don’t have the “normal” symptoms of a yeast infection, but I did tell the doc that my stomach has been killing me especially after meals, and my whole gut has felt yucky for a few weeks. At the time, I figured the feeling was linked to the cyst, while the doc passed it off as the flu. Now I think both of us were wrong.

Dr. Mom suggested that the stomach pain was in fact the yeast infection, for when yeast overpopulates it enjoys taking over everything, and the round of antibiotics killed all my good yeast-killing bacteria, so the yeast multiplied like bunnies on my heavenly high-carb diet. Now I’m an extremely healthy carb lover: whole grains and loads of fruit are my favorite things (well, with an occasional [daily] chocolate/ice cream indulgence). After researching the web, I found that the old adage about Dr. Mom is pretty darn accurate – she does know best.

I found many websites describing the yeast infection problem, called Candida Albicans; one website describing the condition as: “Candida Albicans is an opportunistic fungus (or form of yeast) that is the cause of many undesirable symptoms ranging from fatigue and weight gain, to joint pain and gas. The Candida yeast is a part of the gut flora, a group of microorganisms that live in your mouth and intestine. When the Candida population starts getting out of control it weakens the intestinal wall, penetrating through into the bloodstream and spreading throughout the body.” Candida Albicans is usually misdiagnosed as the flu or IBS, and long-lasting troubles can result, such as food allergies, joint problems, organ problems, and slow and painful death. Okay, so no website claims that last one. However, food allergies seem terrible – my gluten and dairy-free diet experiment a year ago was probably the worst three-month period of my life – and I really feel bad for people who spend their days meticulously reading labels and limiting their restaurant experiences. No fun. Which brings me to the Candida Diet.

Apparently, the only natural way to beat the yeast (and not risk destroying my liver) is to starve it out. Since yeast feeds on sugar, anything that turns into sugar cannot be consumed on this diet. That means any fruits or grains too. Neither can one consume anything with caffeine, vinegar, or corn; I never knew until now how almost every type of food has these yeast cultivating ingredients in them!

So what can one eat on the Candida Diet? Basically meats, most veggies, oils, probiotics, limited dairy (thank goodness I can have yogurt, as long as it’s the low low sugar plain kind), and nuts (non-peanut). So what I went through on the gluten and dairy-free diet is NOTHING compared to this!!!

Starving the yeast can take a few weeks, and then the sufferer can slowly add back in low-sugared fruits, etc. So expect me to be a really grumpy person for at least a few weeks, because without sugar and chocolate, my serotonin is at insanely low levels!

Hopefully this works; if I’m still feeling yucky after all I can handle of this trial, I’ll opt for the meds, but any other suggestions and/or encouragement is much needed and appreciated! In the meantime, pass the peppermint tea, celery, and hummus, please! Nom nom nom.

Why I Blog... (also titled, Justifying my Whims)

I started this blog for many reasons, hopefully none of them for mere vanity, though that may be the first impression anyone (myself included) has when they first view any blog.

Blog rationale #1: Writing practice. I’m not a professional writer, as any fool can see through mediocre sketches I produce, but as an 8^th grade English teacher who wants to keep the door open for something higher someday, I want to prevent the mental wheels from rusting out completely. Therefore, I continue to read classics and review them when I can (blog on Tale of Two Cities coming soon). I also am a huge fan of writing as an art form, and though I’m not delusional enough to believe I am a gifted artist, I believe it’s beneficial to exercise the cerebral muscles. I greatly enjoyed writing essays in college because it’s only through writing that one slows down enough to organize thoughts, work them into a logical argument, and therefore truly learn from a work of literature; this is a process I regret leaving behind, and since I’m not entertaining the thought of grad school for awhile so I don’t totally tank as a wife, blogging occasionally absorbs me in the intellectual hobby I miss.

Blog rationale #2: To help/save my marriage. Kind of kidding here, but for real, I am a weirdo who houses pint-up thoughts that compile and build to the point where they just may erupt at any given moment if I don’t release them in due time. My hubby Chris is a busy guy who doesn’t need to hear all my endless rants, musings, analyses, “level 6ness,” etc. while he’s studying for his chiropractic career or editing photos. So when I get to the point of near self-destruction from too much compressed activity upstairs, I spill it out on the computer instead of to his deer-in-headlights/glazed over countenance. As Chris puts it, the blog is my therapy, which is probably his excuse for not letting me get weekly massages. J

Blog rationale #3: Feedback. Why don’t I just keep a journal? This opinion may be totally wrong, but I feel a journal is more selfish than a blog because no one would read it but me. Also, I’m not as motivated to write something no one will read: my time is better spent elsewhere. And thirdly, I’d most likely be more negative and self-pitying if no one were to read my journal, and who needs more avenues for woe-is-me-ness. I doubt many people read my blog, but it’s a way to share my ideas, convictions, or silly musings and see what people think about them, if they think about them at all. It doesn’t take many posts to reveal how opinionated I am, but suffice it to say that there’s a difference between believing something because you want it to be so and basing your beliefs on what you’ve read and read and have found to be logically consistent and true. I do appreciate feedback, even in the form of criticism, as long as it’s not just attempts to pick holes through every detail of an argument; no one needs that either.

Eventually this will be a blog about our family, so people we’ve met in the places we’ve lived can keep up with us. I love watching my friends’ children grow up and letting them know how cuuuuute pics and happenings are! Maybe someday we’ll have cutie-patootie little Barnezys for everyone to fawn over.

So to sum up, don’t expect anything crazy-mind-blowing, and don’t expect perfection in print, but do expect some thought-provoking, entertaining, sarcastic, random “streams of consciousness” from this gal.

Grace Abounds

This is a link to a 12-minute sermonette by my brother Asher, titled "Grace Abounds," a very liberating analysis of Romans 5:20-21, where Paul displays the wonderful and necessary balance of God's Law to humble the proud and God's Gospel to lift the humble! If the embedded link doesn't work, you may listen to his powerful message here.

This Chick Digs Scars

2 Corinthians 5: 1-10 - 1 For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2 Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, 3 because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4 For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5 Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

6 Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. 7 For we live by faith, not by sight. 8 We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 9 So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. 10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

This past year the Lord has taught me a lot. Not as much in means of intellect or theology as application and practice. Being an athlete, I’ve experienced episodes of pain, from broken bones to shin splints to muscle spasms, but it was ironically after my athletic career that I had a bout with real chronic pain. This past calendar year I had chronic fatigue that doctors couldn’t figure out, ovarian cysts that are still causing me pain, Morton’s Neuroma in my foot and undefined pain in my hip. that halted my running, and, of course, two shoulder surgeries. Prior to 2010, my health insurance liked me. Now, not so much.

Through what has seemed like wave after wave of “what else could go wrong with this stinking body?” the Lord has been faithful, and all this has driven me to Him as my sole comforter and hope. Some positive aspects of these trials include:

1. Recognition of the frailty of this earthly tent. At the ripe old age of 25, I’m reminded that this ain’t no heavenly body, and aches and pains make me even more grateful that this isn’t all I have to look forward to. In a weird way I’m simultaneously more cognizant about my body (multiple issues does that) and yet less focused on it superficially (which is a big struggle for me).
2. Empathy for others in pain. I had never understood how much pain consumes you and changes your personality. When so much is going wrong and you’re scheduling a multitude of doctor visits and various tests and no one seems to believe that you’re really feeling what you know you are, it’s hard to stay sane, positive, and unselfish. Before all this, my heart was pretty callous toward people plagued with these kinds of trials. Now, hopefully, I can be more help to others in need.
3. Choosing joy and hope over worry. I can’t really put a check in this box yet, but I know this is something God is still working in me. To me, the unknown is the worst part of health issues, and like I stated above, it’s hard to take your mind off it. Indefinite MRIs, doctors who misread ultrasounds and then tell you “Eh, it’s probably no big deal,” and multiple blood tests that show no reason why you feel this way are all frustrating. This makes me feel terrible for people who have nothing else to live for but the here and now, for I don’t have to read far into the scriptures to return to the joy of my salvation.
4. Rejoicing in the drudgery. And by drudgery here I mean the slow and steady road of recovery. Right now I’m thankful that I’m not trying to get back to a sport, because shoulder surgery (especially mine where they redid everything except the bones) is the most difficult surgery to rehabilitate (because it has the most range of motion and is a smallish joint). I can see why many people become depressed in Physical Therapy (it’s been three months and I can only lift three pounds… are you kidding me?!), but I’m so thankful that I have a great PT and that self-discipline is my middle name – or OCD, whatever. Needless to say, PT is fun for me, even though it sucks, and I try to spread a little joy and humor to those who are going through the Valley of Death-by-Endless-Rehab with me.
5. My husband and family have provided me with so much encouragement, stability, and Kleenex. Trials bring us closer together, showing us how we really do and should depend on each other.

Physical difficulties and victories can teach us so much. I think the main struggle is that we tend to make bodily circumstances more than what they are. There’s so much we learn through athletics, through pain, through triumph, through sickness, through healing, through scars, that we can derive metaphors and lessons for life, but the physical is not life itself, just part of it. Adverse physical circumstances should draw us closer to the One who makes life more than just physical.

Rainy (or Snowy) Day Food Activity

I saw this activity in a Whole Foods magazine/coupon book/recipe ad... I don't know exactly what you'd call the publication. However, you (parent) have your kid draw a plate and choose a food from each color to draw on the plate. Older kids can add up the cost of their meal or figure out what the cheapest meal would be or figure out which meal they could buy with $1.57. Super cool way to teach kids about foods, colors, nutrition, math, art, etc! You could even show them still life paintings and let them water-color their way to greatness... okay, so that's the advanced version.

Parents, let me know what you think... otherwise, you won't get a review of this activity for about 5-7 years. :)

Abortion: a not-so-silent killer anymore

I read on AlbertMohler.com that The New York Times reported on January 6, 2011 that the abortion rate in New York City is about 40 percent of all pregnancies and almost 60% of African American pregnancies…insert time to double-take… That means on average, more than two of every five pregnant women in the world’s most recognizable city choose to kill their babies. This is by far the most tragic statistic I’ve probably ever read.

I recall a conversation wherein my dad described abortion as the most unnatural and inhumane action a parent could ever perform. What is more basic than a parent’s instinct to protect her young? That’s even the most fundamental intuition among animals, since the survival of one’s offspring is essential to a species. A parent’s choosing her own life (especially when it is some ridiculously trivial aspect of life, like career, for example) over the existence of her child, is backwards, inhumane, and ultimately completely depravedly selfish. In no other case does a law permit a “choice” to end another human being’s life without his or her consent.

In October 2010, Dr. Mohler blogged about Dr. Mildred Jefferson, the first black woman to graduate from the Harvard Medical School, who was outspokenly against abortion and Roe v. Wade during her lifetime. She once summarized her sense of urgency to reverse the infamous case with these words: “I am at once a physician, a citizen and a woman, and I am not willing to stand aside and allow this concept of expendable human lives to turn this great land of ours into just another exclusive reservation where only the perfect, the privileged and the planned have the right to live.” In America, Planned Parenthood began because of the eugenics movement – the idea that people could breed a more superior race by preventing pregnancies and births of “less fit” the genes – a philosophy that had its roots in (though is also a distortion of) Darwin’s theory of Natural Selection, and a movement that was the basis of the Nazi Party’s practices in Germany.

Since abortion is the termination of an unwanted pregnancy, the real problem is, of course, adultery. People want to sin without consequences, so they try to kill and bury the consequence as if that itself will not have additional consequences.

That people can end the lives of their unborn children is unbelievable. That physicians who have taken an oath to “do no harm” can knowingly kill a living human being is unthinkable. That murder has been legalized by authorities who have sworn to protect the lives of citizens is deplorable. That the public has become desensitized to this wretched and foreboding practice is alarming.

What can we do to help those who are deceived into believing abortion is acceptable, or even the only way to “deal with” conceiving a child?

ProKindle – ConKindle

I love reading. I wish I read more. I’ve been told to get the Kindle, and my mom even was going to get me one for Christmas, but I’ve been hesitant and reluctant toward the device. Currently, I carry big fat books around with me everywhere – right now I have Dickens’s Tale of Two Cities/Great Expectations – I love the feel of books, the smell of books, the look of books stacked up on the shelves, trophies of my victorious literary achievements. With the Kindle, I’d lose those sensory pleasures, but would I gain enough make the swap worthwhile?

Pros:

• Fits in my purse – even a small purse!
• I could have multiple books with me at one time (the Bible is most appealing in this point). This is especially ideal for light traveling.
• Pre-1923 books are free to download – I read mostly classic works, so I’d spend waaaaaay less on books.
• The Kindle can read to you (I didn’t know about this feature!), so it turns into audiobooks (for free), for when I’m driving or whatever.
• You can search your library for key words or phrases – great for looking up quotes or Bible verses.
• You can highlight or bookmark, though I doubt this really has the same effect as doing so in an actual book.
• The font is adjustable – I’m thinking this would be great for the gym, where I can enlarge the font and place the Kindle on the elliptical/stair-of-death/bike and not have to wear out my shoulder holding my big fat novel (drudgery I currently inflict on myself).

Cons:

• Sensory aspects of an actual book, listed above. I’m pretty sure I’d really miss that. There’s something personal and emotional to me about books, weird, eh
• Seeing my books – and others seeing them – conversation starter – ok, pride.
• Feeling the book – turning the page, etc. Each page stores the ideas and emotions experienced on that page’s story, or the sweat produced at the gym while reading that page on the bike (haha).
• Smelling like old books – I’m okay without this one. :)
• My bookshelf wouldn’t bolster my pride. I phrase it this way to convict myself – this should not be a con. :)

What do you think? Other pros/cons? Should I ask for a Kindle for my birthday?

John MacArthur Rebukes Joel Osteen

“When men and women are awakened to the facts of judgment and their own sin, they become eager listeners to the Good News of the Savior who brings forgiveness. There is grace in such preaching because any Christ whom men receive without being in the wilderness, without the stern preacher of sin and judgment, is but half a Christ, and the vital half is missing.” - Kent Hughes

My husband Chris showed me this video clip of John MacArthur, renowned Bible expositor and preacher, who I've been listening to via my dad for as long as I can remember. MacArthur is never one to beat around the bush because, as he says it, his prerogative is to present and defend the true gospel of Jesus Christ. He rarely publicly rebukes specific false preachers, and he does so only after they have refused his private counsel to preach the Word, lest they keep leading others astray. I recently listened to an interview on apostasy where MacArthur explained that since he was younger, he has been extremely distressed by friends that have "abandoned" the faith because they were deceived - whether by self or a false teacher - and therefore he aims to expose false teachers in order to protect people from their lies, because the followers of these distorters think they're christians when they are not.

In this clip, MacArthur goes so far as to call Osteen and others like him "satanic", which is shocking, but someone needs to say it, for anyone presenting a half-gospel is leading his followers to hell, and therefore the term is fitting. Osteen would be a fine secular motivational speaker, and seems like a great guy, but he distorts the Bible as if it's all about our present comfort, trying make us bigger and God smaller. I've watched Osteen sermons on TV where he diminishes the main points of Jesus's birth, ministry, and death to some weak self-help example instead of (like the Bible) proclaiming the Messiah's redemption of sinful man. Chris can vouch that he made me vow to never watch Osteen again because I've almost damaged our TV by hurling things in the direction of Osteen's image.

Without exposing sin, there is no gospel. Without a God who detests sin, there is no gospel. Without exposing the therefore consequences of sin, there is no gospel. Without highlighting God Himself becoming man, yet without sin, paying the consequences of our sin for us, and abating the wrath of a justly angry God, there is no gospel.

Those who merely believe that God is here to make our lives better do not believe in the God of the Bible, which is a huge tragedy. Those who "receive" Christ without the stirred preaching of sin and judgment, and therefore have not repented from their sins, turned from their ways, and sought to follow Him though it cost them every worldly thing, have not received the gift of Christ offered in the Bible. For if you don't think you need to be saved from anything, how can you be saved at all? A "half" gospel is a damning one, for it produces deceived people who are then unreceptive to what the Bible says about real things like sin and death and hell and a just Judge. They'd "rather" believe in a fluffy, fake god who accepts people the sinful way they are, requires nothing of them, and will give them any trite thing they want in order to have their "best life now", which (J.M. so perceptively puts it) means there is either is no heaven or they don't care to go there.

Chris and others who have posted this video have received some harsh criticism by people who incorrectly interpret scripture that we should not judge others to mean that we should blindly and indiscernibly let distorters lead our friends astray by tickling their ears with hollow, false, worldly hope. Other critics claim the postmodern ideal that no one knows truth, so therefore Osteen's interpretation of the Bible just as valid as MacArthur's... to which I just laugh at the ignorance. There's a difference between opinion and research, and, as I said before, MacArthur is one of the most well-known (world-wide) preachers for how well he teaches the Bible, verse by verse, word by word, every Sunday. Few people in the world today know the Bible as well as MacArthur. As lastly, to repeat just as a disclaimer, MacArthur rarely rebukes other pastors, his sermons are always straight from scripture (as I just said), and calling those who are in error to repentance and truth is the most loving gesture any Christian can perform. May God forgive us all from vices we commit or say, and may we daily seek knowledge and understanding of Who He has revealed Himself to be in his precious Word.

As seen in my closet...

So I'm a sucker for those stinking persuasive infomercials that seem (and usually are) too good to be true. What saves me is my stinginess: no I will NOT spend my hard-earned three installments of $19.95!!! However, I do have a Magic Bullet food processing thingie that I asked for at our wedding (if someone could show me how they make those amazing dishes with it, please do so!), I rocked to Turbo Jam (which may have been what shredded my shoulder), I cancelled a speed reading program because I suffered too much buyer's remorse before it arrived, and Friday night I purchased the latest "As seen on TV" item: the Magic Hanger closet organizer.

Why? I was set to buy one of those hangers at Bed Bath and Beyond that hangs 6 blouses on one hanger - I have a few for pants, and they are a must if you refuse to rid yourself of attire you donned in high school - when I turned the corner, and there was the Magic Hanger that I remembered seeing some happy lady organizing her stuffed closet on TV. I don't usually succumb to these things, except there are 8 of these miraculous devices in a $10 box! The one hanger that I was going to buy was $7, so the infomercial wonder was worth a shot.

And it was! See 4 of the 8 here: http://yfrog.com/h3jgztj Not only does this little piece of plastic conserve much-needed closet space, but it helps me organize my styles as well - cardigans here, t-shirts there, etc! I'm sure this Magic hanger will really benefit my travel garment bag as well.

I'm so stoked, it makes me wonder if I should give the speed-reading program a second shot!

Resolution 2010

"Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life." - Jonathan Edwards

It's a new year, which means another (probably failed) attempt to resurrect my blog. Maybe if I keep my blogs short, sweet, and to the point, it wouldn't be so daunting a task, but I'll be the first to admit that that's near impossible.

New Year's also mean resolutions, and who is better at that than the resolver himself, Jonathan Edwards. When I read his "Resolutions" #7 above, I immediately sank into a pensive, even melancholy state, and thought on how trite all my day-to-day business seems. Wake up, shower, do PT exercises (if anyone reads this who doesn't know me - I had shoulder surgery [maybe could've used that for a blog - eh, maybe later]), eat oatmeal, go to school, come home, work out, make dinner, do housewifey stuff, do PT exercises, read maybe a word before crashing into slumber. Bleh!

Goodness, gracious, did I do a single thing today that I would do if it were the last hour of my life? I wasn't too fond of ol' Jon for a moment as I jealously considered that it was his stinking job to share the gospel every day and he had a wife to take care of everything, and I mean everything, else. I wonder if he'd say he wanted Sarah to have the same resolution: "Nope, honey, I wouldn't be washing diapers for our 37 kids if I had one more hour to live!" Ok, self-pity mode subsided with that image.

So then I started to consider the overall intent through most of Jon's resolutions, notably #6: "to live with all my might, while I do live, " and especially #1, which is repeatedly echoed: "Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God's glory, and my own good, profit and pleasure, in the whole of my duration, without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriad's of ages hence. Resolved to do whatever I think to be my duty and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved to do this, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many and how great soever." When considered in light of Colossians 3:23, "Whatever you do, do it with all your heart, as serving the Lord and not men," it became clearer to me that it's how I serve others joyfully through my day to day tasks (and even more so when we someday have children) that brings glory to God. It's not so much that every second I need to so something spectacular, as if I'm closing my earthly chapter with a bang, but that each second I do whatever I'm doing to glorify God and bring others closer to Him.

So that's my resolution. It's not exactly measurable, except by honest assessment, and I know I will fail at it more often than not, but a heart that delights in the Lord is always something to strive for.

Convictions while reading...

Crazy Love by Francis Chan. My brother described this book as a softer, easy-to-read Hard to Believe by John MacArthur; but tho this is less 'theological', it is in no way less convicting. Chan, like MacArthur, cuts through the heart of "easy-believism" to emphasize the Christianity that Christ emphasized: a whole-hearted, self-sacrificing "crazy" by the world's standards, life pursuit.

I just finished Crazy Love with only a few hours of reading time, but for me this book should be read slowly, with each idea and conviction meditated on, compared to scripture, & personalized. I've read too far already to go back and comment on every 'aha' moment while reading (you're welcome), but I'll try to hit some of the big ones to lure you into reading this for yourself.

In Jonathan Edwardsian style, Chan advocates focusing on & loving God solely for Who He is, not just for what He does for us. Instead of one-way prayers/relationships where we talk at God (guilty), we bring Him more glory and know Him better by striving to know more about Him and His will. Seems sooo easy when put logically like that! :)

The book gets pretty "crazy" convicting, showing me that even though I've considered myself a passionate pursuer of Christ, I still shamefully fit the "profile of the lukewarm" in many aspects, which calls me and all readers to further examine themselves. Even tho a person is not saved by his works, the Bible teaches that actions will surely follow a true conversion; and thus Chan concludes, "A lukewarm Christian is an oxymoron; there’s no such thing. To put it plainly, churchgoers who are lukewarm are not Christians. We will not see them in heaven” (81). Chan quotes Fredric D. Huntington's 1890 observation: "It is not scientific doubt, not atheism, not pantheism, not agnosticism, that in our day and in this land is likely to quench the light of the gospel. It is a proud, sensuous, selfish, luxurious, church-going, hollow-hearted prosperity." Bingo. We've bought the lie that God is here to make us happy, healthy, rich, comfortable, etc., when nothing could be further from the truth; when we seek those things over God, we are ultimately miserable, dead, poor, and in agony. I caught myself today praying for the physical healing of my mom, my husband's shoulder, my abnormal exhaustion, blah blah blah, and of course we are to cast our cares and anxieties on Him, but should I not then pray that His will be done in everything and for the sanctification of us through our trials instead of just the removal of them?

Instead of striking a deal with God for our "Best Life Now," we should pray that God give us opportunities to procure our best life later, which when you think about it, you'd better know what you're asking for because you just might get it. My dad used to jokingly say, "Be careful when you pray for patience, because patience is the product of trial." In other words, as Jesus warned, we must count the cost of discipleship: be willing and ready to sacrifice all this world has to offer, so that you may gain Christ and His riches. The problem with most "Christians" is that they want all the benefits of the club without paying the dues, i.e., that suffering likens us to Christ (which is the point).

The chapter that made me decide to stop reading and think & write is chapter 8: "Profile of the Obsessed." The idea lingering from chp. 7 was "we are each given different gifts and talents by our Master. The thing that matters most is how we use what we have been given, not how much we make or do compared to someone else. What matters is that we spend ourselves." Spend yourself. The picture in my mind is of the Lombardi quote about laying on the battle field, exhausted, but victorious. I think about all the hours over my lifetime I've completely poured myself out in some athletic or educational endeavor. What if I had shown God the kind of devotion I had shown golf, basketball, or English? Sheesh. Or even the kind of devotion I still show my body: in the gym, doing my turbo jam, correcting my image in the mirror? This is getting to be horrifying!

Those obsessed with Christ are "excessively preoccupied" and consumed with glorifying God and sharing His love with other people. To be honest, I can be pretty consumed with God on an intellectual, emotional, and personally spiritual level. Anyone who knows me knows I'm kind of weird (and almost alienating) about it, but do I reach out to others in a way that honors the One I adore? Chan stresses, "People who are obsessed with Jesus give freely and openly, without censure... love those who hate them and who can never love them back... aren't consumed with their personal safety and comfort... live lives that connect them with the poor in some way or another... are more concerned with obeying God than doing what is expected or fulfilling the status quo... will do things that don't always make sense in terms of success or wealth on this earth... know that you can never be 'humble enough,' and so they seek to make themselves less known and Christ more known... do not consider service a burden... take joy in loving God by loving His people... genuinely think that others matter as much as they do, and they are particularly aware of those who are poor around the world... orient their lives around eternity; they are not fixed only on what is here in front of them... characterized by committed, settled, passionate love for God, above and before every other thing and every other being... do not attempt to mask the ugliness oftheir sins or their failures... have an intimate relationship with Him... more concerned with his or her character than comfort... know that the best thing he can do is be faithful to his Savior in every aspect of his life, continually saying 'Thank you!' to God."

So that was the longest quote ever, but this chapter covered many characteristics and outward displays of a person crazily devoted to our Lord. Some of these I'm chosing to specifically pray for myself in, especially " do not consider service a burden." I want a heart more focused on the joy of loving others and serving them, following God's second greatest commandment: "love your neighbor as yourself." I've been frustrated lately feeling like I'm constantly giving, when I should be constantly giving, but out of joy and love, not obligation and angst. I pray that God changes my heart in this (and I'm also looking for practical pointers also!).

Chan gives many encouraging (yet humbling) examples of people who sacrificed everything in order to 'spend it all' for the Lord. But just when the reader is at the point of complete paralyzed overwhelmation, he comforts with baby steps: "I concur with Annie Dillard, who once said, ' How we live our days is... how we live our lives.' We each need to discover for ourselves how to live this day in faithful surrender to God as we 'continue to work out [our] salvation with fear and trembling' (Phil. 2:12)." Therefore my goal is each day to be eternally minded, to focus on joyfully giving to others, keeping in mind what God gave to me.

If only I could tatoo or create some constant hologram reminder... :)

What will you do today this day?

Review of David Copperfield

I just finished this gem of a novel, David Copperfield, which most say is extremely autobiographical of Charles Dickens's life, and I am more than ever entranced by his playful, yet thoughtful, and overall masterfully observant writing style. I set out on this 729 page work because I teach the masterpiece, A Christmas Carol, to my 8th graders, and I wished to dive deeper into the world of the artist (see my blog on A Christmas Carol from last year, if you'd like).

What intrigues me about Dickens is, as T.S. Eliot accounted, "Dickens's figures belong to poetry, like figures of Dante or Shakespeare, in that a single phrase, either by them or about them, may be enough to set them wholly before us." I would add that not only the poetic detail his characterizations, but also in his scenery, sets him above any author I know of in crafting a picture in the reader's mind. Of what I've read, his works are not the deepest-delving into the human psyche, but his way with words is truly masterful and beautiful to behold.

What intrigues me most about David Copperfield itself, though, is a pristine retrospect of a narrator who has incurred many hardships in life. Through his accound of being orphaned, abused, and abandoned as a child, David the narrator maintains a light, witty tone while not downplaying his tribulations. For example, the reader finds himself simultaneously laughing and crying at his nurse's buttons popping off her dress from hugging him too hard when David's loathsome stepfather sends him away to school against the wishes of his broken and dying mother. This story further accounts David's tragedies, one after another, but never in a self-pitying or self-exalting tone. On the contrary, through all the sad circumstances and heartbreaks, the narrator continually keeps his spirit light and his eyes uplifted. Some critics claim this hopeful optimism makes the "autobiography" of David Copperfield unrealistic, but I think it accounts for something worth praising: joy in the midst of sorrow. The narrator, in hindsight, sees that all worked together for good in his life, and thus he doesn't have to soak the despairing times of which he writes with even more doom and gloom.

This light-hearted and joyful outlook speaks to me, as of course this book has to many others, in its innocence and good-humor. The idea that even hard times work together for a person's good is a very Christian concept, and that is captured in this novel, along with self-sacrificing love and redemption. I'm pretty sure Dickens was not a Christian, and I'm pretty sure that that's why this "child-like" love of truth and beauty is not found in his darker later novels, which is very tragic indeed. Dickens considered David Copperfield his favorite work, and I can see why. This beautiful coming-of-age story, or bildungsroman, portrays the intellectual, social, and moral growth of a man, who learns to love prudently and fervently, to care and work for the best in others, and live life with passion. As David (or, better yet, Dickens) states, "whatever I have tried to do in life, I have tried with all my heart to do well; that whatever I have devoted myself to, I have devoted myself to completely; that, in great aims and in small, I have always been thoroughly in earnest" (507). May this be truly said of all of us. :)

Ahhh Wheat, How I've Missed You!!!

Celebration! The six week trial diet is over; I have conquered my will and stomach's desires long enough: it's time to enter gluten back into the diet! The interesting thing to me over the last few weeks (when the GF & DF diet was to be really taking effect), my energy level has been low. Really low. Right when I was supposed to be feeling better than ever, I was constantly so tired and energy-deprived that it hurt. My synopsis: my body needs brain food (BREAD!!!)

We decided that dairy's a lot easier to avoid (or at least limit), so I had my first pizza pie in a little over a month last night! I really missed pizza, especially because my diet didn't keep Chris from partaking. The funny thing is, when eating it, finally, I couldn't help thinking, "What was the big fuss over? This isn't THAT great." I know those are pretty much blasphemous words to Chris, but the grease-bomb wasn't worth the stomach ache later that night through the next morning. I felt like Michael Scott when he downed the fettuchine and then ran the Rabies 5k.

So I might have to pass when he wants to order pizza again.

Today I didn't have any glutenish things, I guess feeling that I should ease it in, and I guess because I still have a bunch of rice cakes and other GF things lying around waiting to be scarfed. And boy, did I scarf them! I think doing all kinds of things and being at home, alone, around all kinds of foods beconing me is not a good combination with not ever eating a full, sit-down meal. Hmmm.

I did come up with a new (for me at least) creation, involving slicing up a potato (I did both regular and sweet), spraying a cookie sheet with Pam olive oil, sprinking the potato slices with salt and pepper, and baking for about 30 min. My version of sweet potato fries! Yum!!!

So apparently this is the end of my diet, and though it is disappointing in the fact that it did not help me, it crossed out gluten and/or dairy as the cause of my chronic muscle tightness (back to the drawing board there), and it benefitted me in other ways as well. An exercise in self-control is always a good thing, and this was as close to fasting that I've ever come. It helped me release food as my idol by first showing me that it has become one (at bare minimum because I think about food constantly), and I had to release my control from it in many situations (esp. with other people). Looking back at my hopeful outcomes, my complexion, sadly, only got worse, but I did lose a few pounds, that I will hopefully keep off by keeping the ice cream away! So this exercise wasn't a total disaster!

As for the near future, I'll continue with soy instead of dairy milk and other things, but I'm not going to pick cheese of things,pull chocolate chips out of cookies, or anything freakish like that. I'll minimize my dairy intake, not do away with it. And I'll try to limit my gluten, instead of basing every meal on my bready-carbs. I am going to have a big heaping bowl of cereal (the thought fills me with so much joy!) tomorrow, but I'll try to have more rice/potato options and less hamberger helper/pizza - I'll leave those to Chris!

So, farewell, my gluten-free blog, for apparently God made wheat for me to enjoy! :)

One week to go!!!

As of today, I've completed 5 weeks of the 6 week trial, and am feeling a mixture of encouragement and melancholy over this whole deal. Both ends of the emotional spectrum jointly because I feel absolutely no different now from one month ago. I'm bummed because for goodness-sake, I went through all this crap for nothing?!? Yet thankful because who would want to live her whole life without some of the best things this world has to offer? :)

Since I've already diagnosed myself as having no problems with either gluten or dairy, it's be extremely tempting to cheat these last few days, well maybe it was only last night. We were over at Chris's 2nd cousin's house, who happens to be a great chef/baker/epicurian/whatever, and calling my name was this pumkin pie with cake in it thing and cool whip on top. The thoughts, "This whole diet's not doing anything for you anyway... What would one little bite do?... You only have one more week left, anyway..." Crowded and controlled my thoughts all evening. It was terrible. And I almost caved. I even picked up a spoon...

But then my knight-in-shining-Northface-armor came to my rescue: "ALI! What the HECK are you thinking?!?! You've made it this far, and you're going to throw it all away NOW?!?"

My wonderful husband has a way of smacking sense into me, so I resisted. Whew... that was a close one.

Other than that, I'm just tired of thinking about food all the time: what am I making for Chris (that he'll eat & that he hasn't already eaten 3 times in the last 3 weeks), do I have enough rice and chicken/beef on hand for when I'm starving upon home-arrival? BLAHHHHHH. Not that I don't think about food all the time anyway, but this is like double the thoughts I'm used to.

Awesome randomness: In our school district, an employee may participate in a heath-screening in order to lower insurance costs. [Score!] Well the screeners aren't exactly RNs, and so a lot of funny things go on there.

1. My body fat was measured by a little handheld thing at 16%. That's lower than I was in college and like marathon runner level. I'll TAKE it!!!
2. The lady taking my blood pressure didn't want me to roll up the sleeves of my sweater. Then when the pump broke, she sighed, "Oh well," and wrote down some random numbers: 112/80. I'm thinking a little high for me, but who cares - I guess that evens out the body fat % in my favor.
3. They didn't tell me not to eat (and I always have a snack right after school - that day an apple with PB), but then they did a glucose count from my blood, which was 82. Apparently this is fairly low if you're fasting, let alone if you ate 45 minutes prior to the exam. I remember taking the blood exam after fasting, and it was like 62, almost hypoglycemic. No wonder when I need food, I need it NOW!!!

Week 4, VivaGirl

As it's already Tuesday on week 5 of the diet, I guess I must comment on week 4. As of right now, I have less than 2 weeks to go in this 6 weeks of seeming torture, but as I've noted, it hasn't been that bad at all! Soy milk for regular is a trade fine with me, and I am such a bland eater that plain rice and chicken doesn't bother me a bit. The only things I really miss are (of course) real ice cream and real cereal. This week I made the mistake of trying soy ice cream (because it was on sale). BIG mistake. HUGE. I mean, it's okay, but that Rice Dream stuff is worth every penny of its outrageous $4.99. As for the breakfast foods, oatmeal doesn't take too much longer to make (since I also always make eggs), but the extra effort at 5:20 is not a welcome experience most of the time. Organice rice millet cereal is fine, especially when covered in a fruit entourage of bananas, strawberries, and blueberries.

I don't know if I wrote on this last time, but a loaf of GF bread (mind, it is less than half the size of a normal loaf) costs a whopping $6! If I had to remain on the GF diet, I would most likely resort to baking my own bread, which demonstrates how desperate I'd be to save a few bucks per week.

Having family in town this past weekend frightened me a little, dietarily, anyway, but there were no glitches! Steak & potatoes, BBQ (which is kind of weird without the accustomed Texas toast), and lame-O salad at our favorite pizza place. Eh well, it's just weird having to be so conscious about where we're eating and what I'm allowed to eat there.

Observations: My muscles are feeling pretty good, though there are many veriables interupting the controlledness of this experience: I'm receiving chiropractic care (with pretty much physical therapy wrapped in, since I'm doing stretches/exercises each day), I've actually been able to exercise a bit (walking, jogging, stair-stepping), and I've received and am wearing orthodics (which are supposed to help everything). As far as my energy goes, I've been pretty tired, but I've been burning the candle at both ends too. I'm not complaining about being busy like every other human being, but my body requires a lot of sleep, and I have self-diagnosed a phobia of sleepiness. If I were allotted a superhero power (I've actually thought of this before), I would opt for sleepless energy. Seriously, imagine how much you'd be able to do if you had perfect energy, 24/7, and never needed sleep. I'll name my alter ego "VivaGirl" since viva means life or lively. I would have changed the world by now, as apparently it's only the necessary evil of slumber that's stalling my success. And with that, I think it's time for me to hit the sack.

Tolstoy on Free Will

I had a great conversation with a colleague and fellow Christian today on the idea of free will. He, being a closet-Calvinist (what I call all Christians who do not yet realize that they are Calvinists), reasoned, as most pre-Calvinists do, that he chose God, and must have chosen God, for forced love is not love at all. Therefore, his un-forced love for God must mean his will is free to choose heaven or hell. There were more good points to his argument, but that was the thrust of it.

I completely agree that all people have the responsibility to choose whom they serve, just as it is our responsibility to keep all of God’s commandments. However, the built-in problem is that we are sinners unable to follow all God’s commandments, unable to choose what is good. I agree that I chose (and choose everyday) to follow Christ, but my question is: What made me choose Christ?

That’s where we get to the heart of the free will argument: no will is truly free. Every single choice I make, from the clothes I wear to the food I eat, I chose because of some other factor beside myself. Example: I wore a skirt today because I must look professional for my job, the weather is nice outside, I bought the skirt for ½ price, knee-length A-line skirts are in style (tho’ when are they not?), it looks good on me, it goes with the shirt color I feel like wearing, etc…… And the same list of prescripters could be given for the shirts I wore, the food I ate, and list goes on. For every decision I make.

Leo Tolstoy, in his masterpiece, War and Peace, (which I finished, finally, a week ago, yay!) discusses at length the notion of free will, though not from a theological standpoint (he makes that clear in the epilogue), but solely an historical one. He uses the same line of reasoning I demonstrated above, though much more pointedly, that though people FEEL that they are free to choose whatever they wish, their choices are actually governed by countless outside agents. His main analogy is of a person dropping his hand to his side, as if saying, ‘See, I just chose to do that of my own free will.’ Tolstoy argues that you dropped it in the direction you did because it was free of obstacles that might hurt your arm, because that way was most comfortable to you, and because you don’t have a prior arm injury that would’ve prompted you to otherwise drop your other arm, foot, or anything else. And let’s not forget that fantastic law that you’re depending on to make your “choice”: gravity.

I’m pretty sure that this line of reasoning is what made his novel so controversial: he quite adamantly downplays Napoleon’s impact on his own reign, going so far to say that Napoleon wasn’t that great of a general/emperor/war expert/whatever, but that really he was just in the right place at the right time and the people under him would surely have done the same things no matter who was leading. Quite a scandalous notion, having written this about a generation after Napoleon’s career, but the ideas are very logical, in that by the time the one general (the farthest removed person from the battlefields) hears of what is going on with the millions on the various battlefields, synthesizes the various reports, figures out a plan of action, and orders it of the various messengers who then take it back to the various battlefields to the millions, the time would have already passed for the necessary decision and Napoleon’s decrees would be moot. So therefore Napoleon really didn’t lead his troops when they were in battle; he was just an observer, being (as Tolstoy puts it) a pawn of fate or God.

If even the greatest (or the perceivably greatest) among us do not have a truly free will, then how much less do we normal people have one. The last words of his last epilogue frame the reason why people invented – and why they cannot let go of – the notion of free will: we trust our feelings more than our reason. Reason clearly tells us that every decision we make has a cause; it’s not just generated within us at random. Likewise, the Bible clearly shows God to be a God who chooses, from Jacob (“… whom I loved and Essau I hated…”) to Israel (“Mine elect” to Christ (“chosen before the foundations of the world” as the way to salvation) to each Christian. The theological idea of free will was invented long after the scriptures were written and considered heresy by the Christian Church many many times. And yet, for some reason, people would rather hold firm to an extrascriptural philosophy that elevates man and belittles God, and quite frankly all but claims salvation to be a work of man. Why do people do this? Because it fits with their feelings.

Tolstoy compares this to Copernicus’s discovery that the Earth moves around the still Sun. People refused to accept this because “the difficulty of recognizing the motion of the earth lay in abandoning the immediate sensation of the earth’s fixity and the motion of the planets, so in history [and theology] the difficulty of recognizing the subjection of personality to the laws of space, time, and cause, lies in renouncing the direct feeling of the independence of one’s own personality. But as in astronomy the new view said: ‘It is true that we do not feel the movement of the earth, but by admitting its immobility we arrive at absurdity, while by admitting its motion (which we do not feel) we arrive at laws,’ so also in history the new view says: ‘It is true that we are not conscious of our dependence, but by admitting our freewill we arrive at absurdity, while by admitting our dependence on the external world, on time, and on cause [and in theology, the work of the Holy Spirit], we arrive at laws.’

“In the first case it was necessary to renounce the consciousness of an unreal immovility in sace and to recognize a motion we did not feel; in the present case it is similarly necessary to renounce a freedom that does not exist, and to recognize a dependence of which we are not conscious” (War and Peace, 1306).

Don’t trust your feelings, for they often tell you what you want to be so, where as your reason, through meditation on scripture, will tell you what God wills to be so.

Week 3: No turning back now... halfway there!!!

Until I logged onto the blog, I seriously thought I had completed week 4... and now I'm a little perturbed. :( If I could only fast-forward to the Shake's Frozen Custard at the end of this long, dark tunnel... Oh well.

Week 3 did have some surprising highlights: I wore a pair of capris Mom had bought me that had never fit loose enough to wear in public! I felt like sharing that info with everyone I saw at the high school girls JV golf tournament, Tuesday, but realized that would be vain, braggy, and weirdly irrelevant. So I'm sharing with you now! I confirmed when I stepped onto the scale at the gym today that I'm 4 lbs lighter than 3 weeks ago. Note (more to myself than you): I'm not in this to lose weight; that's just a side-effect of not eating ice cream every night. To tell you the truth, I thought I'd lose more just from that life-style change. Maybe all the RIce Cream and rice milk chocolate bars are holding me back from skinny jeans. Which is a fine trade-off, if you ask me.

Being such a creature of habit, I noticed today how this really isn't too hard, now that I've somewhat got the hang of it. On Sunday, I boil eggs for my lunch salads, I boil rice for dinner throughout the week, and brown turkey for the turkey/rice/black beans/salsa dish. I have chicken in the freezer that only takes 25 min to bake, sweet potatos, fruits, asparagus, snacks (rice cakes w/PB & honey are my fave), and I'm good to go! Planning and cooking for Chris as well gets a bit tricky for me, especially since we've been on different schedules lately. Thankfully, he's laid back and understanding, though I'll have to coax him into making his own Hamberger Helper every once in awhile!

When I returned from Whole Foods today and glanced over the receipt, I noticed (since there was no price tag) that the GF bread is $6 a loaf! Yikes! And this bread is about 1/2 to maybe 2/3 the size of normal bread. For now, I keep a loaf and sliced turkey in my fridge at school (beats the tar out of making a lunch every day!), along with salad (to supplement for the mini-ness of the GF sandwich), but that might have to change due to the recession and all. Just kidding, my overall stinginess.

I also noticed that I really do miss ice cream. Bad. I may have mentioned this before, but this emotional addiction is a tough habit to break. I wonder how soy milk pudding is??? I had (until this moment) forgotten that I have GF cookie mix. I'll have to whip that up tomorrow and try'er out.

Subjective Outcome Measurement: this week, I've felt a little below average on the energy scale. Granted, there's been a lot going on: subs to prepare for, golf tournaments, crazy kids, etc., but the main thing that's weird is my energy while working out has been pretty low. Doing the stairmaster (a.k.a, the gauntlet) has been much harder than usual, forcing me to lower the level at which I climb (humiliating, even if I am the only one who sees me doing it). This morning, after 20 minutes at a fairly low level, I got side stitches and had to demote myself to the treadmill. Ouch. Where I walked for 10 minutes and then ran till I needed to stop. Five. Minutes. Later. Double ouch. Definitely going to inform the doc of this. Clearly ice cream feeds my muscles the nutrients they need to perform at their peak.

Week 2 Complete and Waiver-Free

Week 2 of my gluten and dairy free diet is almost over, which leaves me with 4 weeks to go. I've somewhat figured out my eating ruitine, which has naturally morphed into a healthy 5 small meals per day. My snacks have gotten bigger (rice cake with PB, apple with PB, celery with PB, or Cliff Bar), and my meals (I'm guessing anyway) a bit smaller. I've concocted a new staple: rice, ground turkey, and salsa, that I will add some kidney or black beans to next time. Yum. Other than that and the Barnezy Tacos I made tonight, I'm A-okay with blandness: chicken and rice.

I tried some soy protein power in a fruit smoothie the other day, which was disgusting, but Chris informed me that the kiwi I added or the rice milk was more likely the culprit, so I'll try again tomorrow for lunch.

The energy level is returning and so are the spirits; Dr. Iodice told me I should start really feeling changes during week 3, so hopefully this week will be big for me! The traps and hip flexors have still been really tight, but that's most likely due to shrugging while I sleep. I think it's been better the last few days, since we've added a huge wedge-pillow under my knees.

As far as temptations to cheat go, I'm not going to lie: I've had a few. I keep Little Debbie snacks in my class (for reward jar Fridays), and yesterday that Nutty Bar called out to me. I'm proud to say that I resisted its little chocopeanutbuttery voice. And tonight while Chris and I were walking, we passed by Sarpino's Pizza... ooohhhh pizza. How I miss you! I never thought I'd say this, but I'd rather give up dairy than gluten. Cutting out my beloved ice cream is probably the best change I could ever make for my heath. And besides, I've found many chocolaty substitutes! I've already mentioned Rice Dream ice cream, but today at Whole Foods, I found a rice milk chocolate bar on sale for 79 cents. After eating a bite (and then a few more!), I'm heading back tomorrow to buy out their stock! Tastes just like Dove milk chocolate. :)

There's only one more full week of golf, and then hopefully I can get back to the gym... or even more hopefully, the running trail (as my new in soles should be coming in soon!). I weighed myself this afternoon at the gym, and though I'm not in this to lose weight, and though I'm not sure how accurate the gym scale is or how good it is to weigh in the afternoon, I weighed 3 pounds less than the day I began the diet. My jeans fit the same (which is the only way I normally gage weight), but my tummy stays about the same size throughout the day (whereas it formerly would bloat). So that's nice. Other changes: the first week or so, my complexion actually worsened, which was very frustrating, but now it's getting better. I'm not sure if that was due to the increase of estrogen in all the soy I'm intaking now. Interesting.

This week's going to fly also, with 2 golf tournaments and 3 dr appointments, so unless I briefly blog about War and Peace (which I'm hopefully finishing tonight!!!), I'll recap the week next weekend in between laundry loads! :)